Living With Purpose--Part 1

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.”
Rick Warren

I recently completed reading a book written specifically geared towards a Christian audience entitled The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. And although I am a very religious person and a devote Christian, my blogs are not necessarily tailored to a religious audience or any particular faith thus I will not be writing anything specifically about religion. I will however, share some basic universal truths found in the book that will help all people of any faith, religion, or background to be better people and more effective leaders. For this purpose, which is the intent of my messages on this site, I wish to share seven general insights and widely applicable and powerful messages from this book. I will share 4 of the 7 today and the other three on Thursday.

1. Relationships Are First

Relationships are at the heart of everything we do in life and in order to be fulfilled in life, we need each other. Too often with our busy schedules these days, relationships are shifted to the back burner and take on a secondary role in our lives as something we will work on when we have the time. Delaying relationship building however only stunts our ability to grow and be successful. Additionally, this attitude robs us and others of the opportunity to reach our full potential. Cultivating our relationships is essential and must play a central role in our lives.

2. Beware of Busyness

Busyness interferes with our ability to think clearly and do those things that matter most in life. We must not let our schedules control us but rather, we must be proactive in using our time wisely. When we allow ourselves to be too busy, often we lose because we focus on tasks rather than people and the here and now rather than the future. By doing this we are essentially saying “no” to the most important. Making sure that we put first things first and prioritize our lives will help us to overcome the busyness of our world.

3. Tomorrow is Not a Guarantee

If you want to do something in your life, do it now! Life can end at any moment thus we must do the most important things today! Taking advantage of each day and living life to its fullest is important to gaining happiness in life and to reaching our potential. We must always strive to live in the moment and do our very best each and every day.

4. Do Not Underestimate Effort

Effort is essential to success in everything we do. We cannot simply wish for good things to happen without putting forth effort. Intentional effort made towards accomplishing good goals brings instant progression in our lives along with a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. We must do all we can to reach our goals in order to truly stretch ourselves and grow. When we do so, we can fully appreciate and feel good about our achievements.

As we put relationships first, as we are mindful and in control of our busy schedules, as we remember that tomorrow is not a guarantee and as we put forth a strong effort, good things will happen in our lives. As we do these things, we will be successful leaders and live life more fully.

On Thursday I will continue by highlighting three more powerful lessons learned from the book, The Purpose Driven Life.

Building Blocks for Building Solid Relationships

Building relationships is such an important part of business and life; but why do some fail time after time while others succeed? Though building relationships comes more naturally to some in comparison to others, below are some building block ideas that can help anyone build stronger relationships.

1. Smile Often

A good start to building relationships is to smile often. People tend to like those who smile, because they are usually happy, cheery, and have a positive attitude. A smile can immediately break any tension that may exist, and it encourages others to be open, warm, and friendly. Besides, smiling also makes people feel good.

2. Show Interest

It is always a good idea to show interest in people—especially if you can do it immediately! If you know you will be meeting with a specific person, such as a new client or maybe a job interviewer, do some research on that person by asking common acquaintances, co-workers, and others what they know about the person. With technology these days, you can also do searches online for information about the person. Also, ask good questions and then in follow-up interactions, talk about the person's interests. It is also very important to remember family member names or other names the person mentions and to ask follow-up questions about pervious conversations you may have had. Doing this will show a genuine interest in the person, and it will strengthen the relationship.

3. Offer Compliments & Praise

Very few people claim to not enjoy compliments from others—and those who do can’t really mean it. However, you must be careful when offering compliments. Be sure they are honest and sincere—not forced. For some this can be very hard, but as with most skills, practice makes perfect. Pay close attention to what the person is doing or saying as well, so you will catch things you can later compliment them on. Also, look for ways to help the person feel important through praise or recognition.

4. Be a Good Listener

It is hard to have the patience to listen, especially with our overfilled schedules, but we must. To build relationships we must be able and willing to actively listen to others. Listening helps you show interest, and it makes the person feel important. You can show you are listening by repeating or paraphrasing what the person is saying or by adding to the conversation. Never get caught doing something while someone else it talking, such as looking at your computer screen, checking a text message on your phone, or scribbling a note.

5. Don’t Criticize or Complain

Doing either of these things turns people off. People do not want to be around or socialize with negative people. People will also wonder what you say about them when they are not around if you are constantly criticizing, complaining, or condemning. Avoid these negative attitudes at all costs. Again this may take some practice. Asking others to point out when you are complaining or criticizing will help you in your efforts to eliminate these negative comments, and in turn it will help you build relationships.

Building relationships in life is perhaps the most important skill we must learn to master. Practicing and developing the above ideas will help us in our efforts to build relationships. As we do these things, we will become better leaders; and we will enjoy life more fully because of our stronger and deeper relationships with others.

Thoughts From Father's Day

'It was late in the afternoon, and my dad and I were stopping by our cabin quickly to pick up his sunglasses before we headed back to the slopes. I loved to ski, and the crisp sunny day couldn’t have been better for speeding down the white crystal snow. The afternoon welcomed large crowds of people to the ski resort, but I was still hopeful we could squeeze in at least three to four more runs down the mountain before the chairlifts closed for the evening.

My family was on vacation with the Reed’s, one of my dad’s good friends from childhood. Mr. Reed was very well to do, and he had four boys who were older than me, strong, and athletic. The Reed children boasted the latest ski equipment and zoomed down the mountain looking like the Olympic athletes I had seen on TV. Overall, they were a kind family, and my dad clearly had a lot of love for Mr. Reed.

When my dad and I approached the cabin, I urged him to hurry and find his sunglasses so we could dash back to the slops. Just as my dad was about to open the door and head into our warm and cozy cabin to fetch his glasses, he stopped while peering closely at the rear of one of the Reed’s vehicles. “Ut-oh” my dad said walking towards an obviously deflated back tire of the Reed’s black and silver pick-up truck. Stooping down and examining the tire my dad found the problem—a nail. Without even hesitating, he took off his gloves and ski hat and began to work. I reluctantly tried to help my dad change the tire, but really I only could muster enough effort to watch as I made it very clear that I was not happy. I knew better than to argue or complain outwardly at the time, but I was furious and could not comprehend why my dad was doing such an outrageous thing at such an inopportune time. When my dad was finally finishing, I finally blurted out the question, “Why did you have to do that?” The thoughts of Mr. Reed has four strong boys that can surely change a tire faster then we can, and Mr. Reed can easily afford to pay someone else to fix it for him swirled around in my head. But what my dad said has stuck with me to this day. He looked me square in the eye and said, “Son, I did it because it was the right thing to do.”

Since that day, I’ve tried to do things that were the right thing to do. My dad’s example has had a powerful influence on me throughout my life and has really made me who I am today. He showed me the way right way to act and he taught me what was truly important in life. I am a better person because of my dad.'*

I heard this story yesterday from an acquaintance at church. I have determined that one of the most special and most rewarding opportunities we have in this life is to be a father, and the influence and impact we have on our children is enormous and long-lasting. Yesterday, during Father’s Day, I hope we were all able to contemplate on the special privilege it is to be a dad. I also hope that those of us who are dads were able to re-commit ourselves as leaders of our family, to be even better for our children and spouse. There is no greater return on investment than the part of ourselves we give to our family. I’m thankful for the blessings of a wonderful father and for fatherhood itself.

*summary, written to the best as I could remember it.

How to Motivate Anyone!

To be motivated is to be inspired, to be urged, to be driven, or to be encouraged. So what motivates us? Are we motivated individuals? Do we wake up every day with a desire to work hard, to give all we have, and to progress toward our goals? Do we feel our inner fire burning on a daily basis? Are we able to help others feel the same?

Since everyone is different we often make the assumption that different things motivate different people—and to a certain extent, this is true. However, many organizational development studies have shown that there are certain specific things that motivate just about everyone, regardless of who we are. So what are they?

Most people yearn for purpose; it is part of our human nature. Thus giving ourselves or others a purpose to live and work for will motivate us. Now this purpose does not need to be something grand or extraordinary. In fact, it can be very simple and basic as long as we understand how it is meaningful.

So how do we give ourselves or others purpose and meaning? In business we often try to do it by creating a mission and vision statement—and often this is effective if we truly believe in it, strive to live it, and frequently promote it. Likewise, in other areas of our lives we can create a personal mission and vision statement or even a family mission and vision statement. These statements will provide a clear purpose and meaning for what we do each day and motivate us and others to work toward something positive. Frequently reviewing and reminding ourselves of what the statements say and mean to us is an important and necessary step to helping us keep our motivation high.

Often a common mistake of leaders is they assume others don’t want to work or are not motivated. We must realize though that most people are in fact driven to contribute to something outside of themselves when given the opportunity. People want to help others because at some time they’ve felt the satisfaction that comes when they do so. Even if we are just helping one person—such as our boss—can still help us feel a sense of relevance and importance.

Realizing as leaders that most everyone is motivated to help others gives us the knowledge that motivation is not about the person but instead is often about how the person views his or her purpose and if they realize how they make the world a better place. People, whether at work, at home, in school, or wherever want to feel that the world is a little better place because of them and we can help them feel that way! By helping elevate the vision and the connection between what someone is doing and how it positively impacts another, will produce a significant amount of motivation. And this inspiration will encourage us to give more, to try harder, and to think smarter in order to reach our purpose. Doing this will cause anyone’s inner fire to burn and will help us reach our true potential!

So, we can motivate anyone by helping them have a purpose and helping them understand how that purpose makes the world a better place. If people make the connection between what they do and how it benefits others, they will be motivated!!

Perfection

The other day I drove past a high school, and I was very impressed with what I saw on the reader board. The message congratulated a student who had perfect attendance from Pre-Kindergarten all the way through graduation from high school!! Imagine that, perfect attendance for 14 years—not one sick day, not one “I’m too tired day,” and not one family vacation day or visit the dentist day. Reading this accomplishment thoroughly impressed me, and it caused me to think about perfection and what may have pushed this student to be perfect. I also wondered how I could learn to be more perfect and apply the same principles the student had demonstrated at school, in my life.

So what does being perfect at something require? Obviously, it requires a great deal of discipline—the discipline to do something consistently, even when you don’t want to. It requires a great deal of focus—doing something over and over again without being distracted or drawn away by other things that are trying to draw our attention. It requires determination—having the resolve to accomplish perfection, regardless of what others say or do. Lastly it requires great effort—the stamina to be consistent over a long period of time. This student, whether knowingly or not showed a great deal of discipline, focus, determination, and effort. I determined I could do better at being perfect in my life; so I decided to give it a try.

Let me first preface that every year I set goals. Often these goals include doing something everyday such as exercising at least 20 minutes each day or spending one on one time every day with each of my kids. I create a chart that lists my goals to remind me of them and to help me track my progress. As I’ve reviewed my charts over the last few years, and especially this year, I’ve noticed I am far from perfect. In fact, only on a few rare occasions am I perfect in one or more of my goals during a whole week, let alone a month or even a year. Also, never once have I been completely perfect at every goal for a whole week at the same time. Being perfect is hard, and being perfect in anything is something truly special!

So, after being inspired and impressed by this student, I decided to try and be perfect for one complete week by accomplishing the four “daily” goals I had set for the year. I started on Sunday, and I began doing very well. In fact, the whole work week I kept my focus and completed everything on my tracking sheet even though it required a few late nights and other “extra” sacrifices. On Friday, when I checked off that I had completed each task for nearly an entire week, it felt good to see my chart at perfection up to that point. Then Saturday came, and I got distracted and lost my focus. Though I did three of the four items, I did forget one--thus perfection had eluded me again! I couldn’t believe I could not even be perfect for one week, when this student had been perfect for 14 years!

So what keeps us from being perfect? Often it is a lack of focus, effort, discipline, and determination. Though I haven’t reached complete perfection in fulfilling each of my goals for an entire week, striving to do so is helping me to be better, to push harder, and to stay more focused. As we shoot for perfection in different aspects of our lives—like this student—we will only improve in what we are aiming to accomplish. Thus the result of striving for perfection will be positive. Though difficult, I believe with the right discipline, focus, determination, and effort, we can be perfect at certain things in our lives.

Anger & Love

“With life so short, why does the craft of living take so long to learn?”
Chaucer

Today I wish to talk about two items I feel are very serious. I’m writing about these items because of some experiences I had this weekend. These experiences have caused me to reflect and think about the impact of our daily actions--not only on others, but also on ourselves. I believe if this blog is taken seriously and causes us to improve even a little bit in these areas, it will greatly enhance our life and our ability to lead.

Number one is we must learn to calm our anger. Often we can become angry almost without thinking. Feeling anger, after all, is a natural emotion that can occur in many different situations in life. We must remember though that becoming angry is a choice. We do not have to let angry feelings direct our actions or cause us to do something we will regret. We can control them!

Rarely if ever is anger constructive in solving problems, or in encouraging people to change. In fact, anger can be extremely destructive and almost never helps us in getting us what we want. Likewise, few people enjoy associating with people who are angry or who easily get upset. We must learn to handle situations that make us angry differently so that we can have better outcomes. Recognizing our “anger-cycle” and what gets us upset will help us to avoid acting unwisely when we have feelings of anger.

Number two is we need to love a little more. Nothing in life is more precious or valuable than relationships and love. As we learn to love a little more, we will learn to value and enjoy life a little more. It has been said that love can overcome the many mistakes we make in life and I believe that’s true. Showing even a little more love will have a very significant positive impact on others.

As we strive to calm our anger and love a little more, we will have more rewarding experiences in life and will feel good about ourselves and our contributions to the world. We will also be more influential and more successful leaders as we will more easily gain the respect and trust of those we lead. Making even small improvements in these two areas can make a huge difference and will always be worth the effort.

Minding Our Mood

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

As leaders, there are many different ways we can persuade those we lead. One of the least thought of, yet most powerful ways, is through our moods. In fact, even the most subtle emotions can be felt by others and can impact them for either good or bad. Too often I let fatigue, impatience, or stress affect my mood. Yet, paying close attention to our moods as leaders is extremely important and valuable.

Moods almost always influence others and are often termed “viral”, because they spread from one person to another. This is especially true between a leader and those he or she guides. When we are able to maintain an upbeat and positive mood, these emotions spread and increase energy, excitement, and collaboration among those around us. When our mood is negative, even in the slightest form, we tend to have the opposite effect on others.

Now perhaps our stronger emotions or moods that are more noticeable are easy for us to control, but what about our “low-key” emotions? Often emotions are measured in extremes but how we present ourselves in a more routine situation is also important. Self-assessing our moods often, even during “low-key” times can help us make big improvements. Making even small improvements will go a long way in making us more pleasant, more influential, and more successful leaders.

Finally, as leaders we must understand that a well functioning group is not only a result of the skills the individuals possess, but more often is a result of the good synergistic moods that exist between members. Thus, training our emotions is extremely important to help positively influence any size of team or group.

So remember, paying close attention to our moods, even our subtle ones, will have a huge impact on those around us and our success as leaders.

The Power to Make a Difference

Have you ever wondered how you can make the most difference in the world today? How can you and I as one person personally impact the world in a positive way? I can think of a lot of different things we can become involved in to make a difference in the world but is it sufficient or enough? Though not grand, I think I’ve found the secret to how each of us can make the biggest difference in our world.

Stephen R. Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said, “People are very tender, very sensitive inside. I don’t believe age or experience makes much difference. Inside, even with the most toughened and callous exteriors, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart. That’s why in relationships, the little things are the big things.”

Though it may seem obvious or even insignificant, making a real difference in the world comes down to the moment-to-moment decisions we make in our lives. Our daily interactions with our family members, with our co-workers, with our neighbors and friends, and with all others we come in contact with has a greater impact on the world than perhaps building schools in third world countries or donating every lunch break to feeding the hungry at the local homeless shelter. Certainly these more obvious and more noticeable “heroic” activities are great and have a big impact in helping a lot of people but if our relationships and our daily interactions with others are consistently sour, than our positive effect on others will be minimal regardless of what we do.

The power of one individual to impact the lives of others through love, understanding, time, and kindness is great. Indeed, our behavior towards others and the example we portray on a daily basis affects everyone around us. So, our relationships in life really are the big things—the things that matter most. We must strive to show personal and sincere interest and concern for the well-being of each person we interact with—not an easy task! Doing so will touch the lives of others and will profoundly affect the world. Think about it, how do you feel when someone takes a sincere interest in you? Imagine if we could produce those same feelings in everyone we interact with! What a powerful impact we will have on the world when we learn we can change it for good by minding the little things.

So how is our commitment level? Can we be careful with the little things? We prove our desire to help others and make a difference in the world not only through our grand heroic acts but perhaps more importantly through our daily one-on-one interactions with others. Therefore, our power to make a real difference in the world tends to happen one person, one moment, and one conversation at a time. Indeed, we show our contribution to the world through our daily seemingly insignificant actions. The little things make all the difference!