"It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so.
It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas--oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it--overspending... the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.
Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.
Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears.
It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.
Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids - all kids - and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.
The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.
As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there.
You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.
Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing to take down the envelope.
Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit will always be with us."
This true story was originally published in the December 14, 1982 issue of Woman's Day magazine. Visit www.Giving101.org/WhiteEnvelopeProject
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Motivate Like Disney
I’ve been reading a book lately entitled “If Disney Ran Your Hospital” by Fred Lee (review will come shortly once I complete reading it). Currently I’m in the middle of reading a particularly interesting chapter about motivation. In this chapter, the author describes different ways to motivate people and the effectiveness of each technique. One technique in particular captures the very magic of Disney, and it is a very powerful method of motivation yet is often forgotten or seldomly used (Disney being an exception). So, let me share a quick rundown of some of the different ways to motivate others from least effective to most effective. Then let me describe why the last is so powerful and should be used frequently!
#3—Compliance
This is the least effective and most common way to motivate others and that is if you do “X”, you will receive “Y”. Stephen R. Covey likes to call this the carrot-and-stick motivational philosophy where people are doing something simply because they want the reward or they want to avoid the punishment for noncompliance. This type of motivation implies that the action would not take place without the reward or punishment—thus really not very motivating at all.
#2—Willpower
Willpower is more effective than compliance but still lacks in terms of being the most powerful way to motivate others. Willpower is developed through self-discipline and results from a desire to do what is right or what is believed to be right even when one may not feel like doing it. This type of motivation builds self-esteem and confidence and thus is more powerful than compliance. The most common ways to use this type of motivation is through inspiring speeches, mission statements, and goals. In the end, this is a value driven type of motivation.
#1—Imagination
Imagination is a powerful way to motivate others. It is powerful because it aligns actions with feelings. In other words using imagination helps people do what they want to do because they feel like it. Rather than relying on sheer willpower and self-discipline, motivating with imagination aligns feelings with actions and thus produces “real” behaviors and genuine actions.
Let me give you an example or two of how this works. These are examples taken from the book. When Mother Teresa was asked why she provided so much charity to others, she said that each time she helped someone she imagined she was helping Jesus himself. This power of imagination led her to live an amazingly unselfish and honored life. Thus, imagination influenced her feelings which ultimately resulted in sincere actions. Another example found in the book is a nurse who imagined what it would be like to be the patient she was caring for. Rather than providing great care because she simply thought it was the right thing to do, she actually empathized with the patient and had true feelings of wanting to help because of her imagining what it would be like to be in the patient’s exact situation.
Unlike other motivational techniques, imagination produces actions that are real, sincere, and natural. For this reason it is a very effective way to motivate others to act not out of compliance or willpower, but out of a real desire to do so. This type of motivation produces results and truly inspires and uplifts others to do their best.
So, what techniques are we using to motivate others? Using imagination is a powerful and extremely effective way to motivate others. As we learn to use this technique, we will become better leaders. Imagine yourself using the power of imagination to motivate others…and now go do it!!
#3—Compliance
This is the least effective and most common way to motivate others and that is if you do “X”, you will receive “Y”. Stephen R. Covey likes to call this the carrot-and-stick motivational philosophy where people are doing something simply because they want the reward or they want to avoid the punishment for noncompliance. This type of motivation implies that the action would not take place without the reward or punishment—thus really not very motivating at all.
#2—Willpower
Willpower is more effective than compliance but still lacks in terms of being the most powerful way to motivate others. Willpower is developed through self-discipline and results from a desire to do what is right or what is believed to be right even when one may not feel like doing it. This type of motivation builds self-esteem and confidence and thus is more powerful than compliance. The most common ways to use this type of motivation is through inspiring speeches, mission statements, and goals. In the end, this is a value driven type of motivation.
#1—Imagination
Imagination is a powerful way to motivate others. It is powerful because it aligns actions with feelings. In other words using imagination helps people do what they want to do because they feel like it. Rather than relying on sheer willpower and self-discipline, motivating with imagination aligns feelings with actions and thus produces “real” behaviors and genuine actions.
Let me give you an example or two of how this works. These are examples taken from the book. When Mother Teresa was asked why she provided so much charity to others, she said that each time she helped someone she imagined she was helping Jesus himself. This power of imagination led her to live an amazingly unselfish and honored life. Thus, imagination influenced her feelings which ultimately resulted in sincere actions. Another example found in the book is a nurse who imagined what it would be like to be the patient she was caring for. Rather than providing great care because she simply thought it was the right thing to do, she actually empathized with the patient and had true feelings of wanting to help because of her imagining what it would be like to be in the patient’s exact situation.
Unlike other motivational techniques, imagination produces actions that are real, sincere, and natural. For this reason it is a very effective way to motivate others to act not out of compliance or willpower, but out of a real desire to do so. This type of motivation produces results and truly inspires and uplifts others to do their best.
So, what techniques are we using to motivate others? Using imagination is a powerful and extremely effective way to motivate others. As we learn to use this technique, we will become better leaders. Imagine yourself using the power of imagination to motivate others…and now go do it!!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
How to Transform your Life
Failure in life often comes because we fail to align our action with our conscience.
Unknown
Our choices have the undeniable power of transforming our lives.
Jose Teixeira
Want to change your life? It’s easy! Simply start making choices that you know will change it for the better. Ok so writing the solution makes it seem easy, but actually doing it is much more difficult. Let me share a personal example though to illustrate the truth of this point.
Growing up there was a period in my life where I felt an emptiness inside and a little pit in my stomach. I wasn’t sure why at the time, but now looking back, I realize it was because I was spending my time with people who did not hold the same values as I did. As a result of this, I was frequently in an environment that was not comfortable for me, because it was a place where my values were constantly being compromised. In fact during this time in my life I often felt I had to hide my values or pretend to be someone who I wasn’t. So what happened? I finally realized that what I was doing was ridiculous, so I decided to stop going to places where my values were not supported. This simple choice had a big positive impact on my life and alleviated me of my emptiness and pit. So, how did I change my life, how can all of us change our lives? Through our everyday choices.
Today society teaches us to do what feels good right now. Rather than wait, think about, or suppress our desires, we are told to just do it! Acting on our impulses however often gets us into all sorts of trouble. Patience and wisdom seem like fading virtues as impulse and recklessness seem to be the norm. Likewise it seems we rarely consider future consequences to our actions as we become consumed with what we want now. To me it’s almost as if our human race has lost the ability to reason logically and do those things that will simplify and better our lives rather than complicate and ruin them. Perhaps we are addicted to drama or seek the thrill of living without consequence during the immediate moment. Perhaps we have began living in a fantasy world thinking we can hide things and get away with poor behavior; when in fact technology has made this nearly impossible. This lack of thought, foresight, and discipline leads us to heartache, misery, and results in less successful and happy lives. I hate to say it, but it appears as if Tiger Woods is a perfect example of this...Think about how his choices will impact his happiness and success in life both personal and professional. And he is one of what seems to be a growing majority. The sad thing is, often we pressure ourselves and each other into living this way. “Everyone is doing it”, “what is the big deal”, and “don’t worry about it” seem to be the belief system and rational behind this craziness. So for us to reach our potential and increase our success and happiness in life, we must avoid buying in to such belief systems.
So what do we need to do to change our lives? We need to align our actions with our conscience, and we need to understand simple daily actions and choices can transform our lives. We need to start making wise, well thought out choices that will lead to success and happiness. We need to deny ourselves every once and awhile and suppress our initial urges and impulses. We need to have the discipline to say no. We need to think about whether our actions or choices are inline with our values and what the long-term consequences of these actions will be. Does this sound old school? It probably does but doing this will make us much better leaders and better people with more successful and happier lives.
So, want to change your life? Then change your choices. Each of us has the power within us to lead the life we want to live. We have that power and the ability to create our own destiny. So let’s be wise, and make those choices that will result in success and happiness!
Unknown
Our choices have the undeniable power of transforming our lives.
Jose Teixeira
Want to change your life? It’s easy! Simply start making choices that you know will change it for the better. Ok so writing the solution makes it seem easy, but actually doing it is much more difficult. Let me share a personal example though to illustrate the truth of this point.
Growing up there was a period in my life where I felt an emptiness inside and a little pit in my stomach. I wasn’t sure why at the time, but now looking back, I realize it was because I was spending my time with people who did not hold the same values as I did. As a result of this, I was frequently in an environment that was not comfortable for me, because it was a place where my values were constantly being compromised. In fact during this time in my life I often felt I had to hide my values or pretend to be someone who I wasn’t. So what happened? I finally realized that what I was doing was ridiculous, so I decided to stop going to places where my values were not supported. This simple choice had a big positive impact on my life and alleviated me of my emptiness and pit. So, how did I change my life, how can all of us change our lives? Through our everyday choices.
Today society teaches us to do what feels good right now. Rather than wait, think about, or suppress our desires, we are told to just do it! Acting on our impulses however often gets us into all sorts of trouble. Patience and wisdom seem like fading virtues as impulse and recklessness seem to be the norm. Likewise it seems we rarely consider future consequences to our actions as we become consumed with what we want now. To me it’s almost as if our human race has lost the ability to reason logically and do those things that will simplify and better our lives rather than complicate and ruin them. Perhaps we are addicted to drama or seek the thrill of living without consequence during the immediate moment. Perhaps we have began living in a fantasy world thinking we can hide things and get away with poor behavior; when in fact technology has made this nearly impossible. This lack of thought, foresight, and discipline leads us to heartache, misery, and results in less successful and happy lives. I hate to say it, but it appears as if Tiger Woods is a perfect example of this...Think about how his choices will impact his happiness and success in life both personal and professional. And he is one of what seems to be a growing majority. The sad thing is, often we pressure ourselves and each other into living this way. “Everyone is doing it”, “what is the big deal”, and “don’t worry about it” seem to be the belief system and rational behind this craziness. So for us to reach our potential and increase our success and happiness in life, we must avoid buying in to such belief systems.
So what do we need to do to change our lives? We need to align our actions with our conscience, and we need to understand simple daily actions and choices can transform our lives. We need to start making wise, well thought out choices that will lead to success and happiness. We need to deny ourselves every once and awhile and suppress our initial urges and impulses. We need to have the discipline to say no. We need to think about whether our actions or choices are inline with our values and what the long-term consequences of these actions will be. Does this sound old school? It probably does but doing this will make us much better leaders and better people with more successful and happier lives.
So, want to change your life? Then change your choices. Each of us has the power within us to lead the life we want to live. We have that power and the ability to create our own destiny. So let’s be wise, and make those choices that will result in success and happiness!
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