New Year Goals

Goals can be a powerful accelerator toward achievement and success in life.  Without them, it is difficult to get very far, and with them there is no telling what we can accomplish.  Goal setting can raise our vision, encourage our heart, engage our passion, and excite our mind to achieve the unthinkable.  Goals can change the direction of our lives and help us see our true potential.  Goals can bring purpose and meaning to the mundane and routine.  Goals can inspire a life worth living and dreams worth chasing.  Goals can set us apart and make us stand out.  Goals can bring accomplishments and changes little believed possible.  Indeed, goals are a powerful force in this world and can and should be a powerful force in your lives.

I hope during this time of year we will all set goals that inspire and motivate us to be our best selves.  I hope we will track our progress and never give up, even when we falter.  I hope we will put aside the naysayers, negative propaganda, and unbelievers and set goals for this New Year.  By setting goals now at the end of one year and the beginning of another I’m confident it will bring new opportunities, new energy, and new possibilities in to our life.  Here’s to a glorious New Year!  Let’s do this!!         

Pathway to Success

I love the idea and believe that success in many ways is a sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.  Many of us are not successful simply because we struggle with the daily discipline required to do the small things consistently.  We justify in our minds, ‘this is a small thing so not a big deal’, when in actuality it is the small things that matter most. 

In sports, many games are won by inches, or during a few seconds in the game, or by a play or two, or at one critical moment.  To win in life, it is often the same.  Small moments, a few seconds, one or two decisions, or one critical moment day in and day out can and will make all of the difference for us. 

Unfortunately, too often we only see the prize, celebration, and rewards that come after an achievement and we miss out on seeing the path that got that individual or that team to the success they now enjoy.  If we could see all of the small things that lead up to that victory, I’m sure we’d be surprised and amazed. 

The good news is that most of us can do the small stuff.  It doesn’t take an unordinary amount of talent, or extreme strength, or lots of experience, or gobs of money, or unprecedented wisdom and intelligence, it really just takes an unmatched level of discipline to do the little things.  Little choices make all of the difference. 

So, we need to in reality sweat the small stuff because really it is the small stuff that adds up to something big.  In nearly every instance that I know, success is really just a result of small efforts repeated over and over again.  Therefore to be successful, we most become fanatical about the small stuff that matters.        

Crucial Accountability

Accountability is a big buzzword in the workplace today and even in our society in general but what does it really mean and how can we effectively hold others accountable?  And with how busy, chaotic, and overly sensitive people seem to be these days is it really even possible or worth it?  The authors of the book Crucial Accountability believe it is and they provide ideas and tools that can help anyone effectively hold others accountable.  Today I’d like to share just a few of my favorite thoughts from the book. 

#1 Prepare Yourself

Going in to any accountability conversation we should ask ourselves what do I want for me, for this person, and for our relationship.  Answering these questions honestly will put us in the right frame of mind and will help use focus on what really matters and what is really at stake.  Hopefully, we realize that almost always do we truly only want to help someone be successful or we want to understand them better or both.  When this is the case, we need to take the risk of holding them accountable.  Having these difficult conversations can be uncomfortable but reminding ourselves what we want for ourselves, for others, and for our relationship will help us think through our crucial accountability discussion and push forward. 

#2 Don’t start with ‘can’ start with ‘should’

Many accountability discussion never happen and the reason is because we start with ‘can’ rather than ‘should’.  We shouldn’t ask ourselves ‘how can I do this’ but rather ‘how should I’.  When important accountability discussion do not take place we lose opportunities to strengthen relationships and help things move forward in a positive way.  The authors of the book point out that our two favorite “silence-driving mind tricks” are (1) we down play the cost of not speaking out and (2) we exaggerate the cost of expressing our views.  Sweeping accountability discussions under the rug by asking ‘can’ rather than ‘should’ can lead to lasting feelings of regret, anger, frustrations, confusion, and disdain.

#3 Create Safety

Though it takes effort and patience, one point I love from the book is the need to create safety.  When people feel safe, we can talk to anyone about anything.  Letting people know you care, what your true intentions are, what you mean and don’t mean, and what you want for them and your relationship will help.  Other skills and techniques are given in the book to create safety which is so important because when safety exists, difficult accountability conversations can take place and will be effective.

#4 Clarity is Key

According to the authors, clarity is accountabilities worst enemy.  When things are unclear, it is so hard to hold people accountable effectively because people will feel they didn’t understand.  Making sure clarity exists as much, and as often as possible will help us have meaningful/positive accountability discussions. 

#5 Consequences Matter A lot            

Consequences, or perceived consequences, drive behavior.  Often people do things because of the consequences they see from behaving in a certain way.  Being a good leader requires us to help people see the consequences of their actions whether good or bad.  Often times this requires a leader “to make the invisible visible.”  Too often in organizations, consequences are not very clear, so if we can expand the vision of those we lead and help them see the true consequences of certain behaviors and actions we can help them be successful and get the right results.  Those who are good at accountability are good at showing others the consequences. 

A lot of people in our society talk about accountability but is it worth the effort? This book answers with an emphatic yes and gives us some real tools on how to do it. Crucial Accountability is a good book that provides many worthwhile techniques and strategies to help us communicate better.  And as we communicate more effectively we become better leaders, influencers, and individuals.

Click here to see how I rated this book     

Two Leadership Traits Never Talked About... (especially during this presidential election)

During this hot political time leadership is talked about often as our country scrutinizes and compares presidential candidates hoping to choose the best leader.  I love the idea however that being a leader is less about position, experience, or title and more about actions, attitude, and behaviors.  Leaders are everywhere and come from all walks of life and are often not the people we presume to be leaders.  And yes, each of us has the opportunity to be a leader regardless of our station in life. 

There are many qualities that are regularly attributed to leaders however today I’d like to focus on two less talked about attributes that I believe are super important to great leadership.    

Number one is a great leader has self-control.  Having self-control allows a person to stay cool under pressure, manage their emotions, and think logical and rational at all times.  With self-control a person will have the ability to develop good habits and avoid things that diminish one’s ability to lead.  Self-control also allows a person to set a good example for others to follow which is perhaps the most powerful way a leader influences others. Self-control also results in “private victories” that are needed in order to have “public victories”, an idea shared in Stephen R. Covey’s book on the 7 Habits.  At the end of the day, self-control is a crucial quality to being a great leader. 

Number two is love.  I once read in a book about John Wooden that a leader who doesn’t truly love others will turn around one day and find no one is following.  Love matters.  And love for others is leadership in its purest form.  Love is a powerful influencer and can change hearts and minds.  Love makes one sacrifice their own wants and desires for the wants and desires of others or for a cause greater than themselves.  When we love others, truly love others, we lead.

Leadership is all around us in unexpected places.  Though rarely mentioned if at all when discussing leadership, self-control and love are two traits of great leaders.  As we develop as leaders, and look for leaders to lead our country, I believe we need to strongly consider these two qualities.  God bless America!              

Thoughts and Drugs

“He who wants to keep his garden tidy never leaves a plot for weeds.”  Stephen R. Covey

Our thoughts have a powerful impact on our lives.  What we choose to think can and will eventually have a strong influence on our health and well-being as well as our success in life.  As a man thinks so does he become, therefore we must be careful and ensure that we think the right thoughts. 

Most of us would never dare damaging our body or brains with the use of hard drugs.  We realize that doing so can have great and lasting consequences on our health and well-being and happiness in life and therefore we stay far away from them and avoid them.  Unfortunately however, many of us do not treat negative thoughts the same way.  Some of us even find ourselves indulging in them day after day.  The full negative impact of bad thoughts on our lives really cannot be measured but the reality is we should avoid them just as we do hard drugs because of their potentially addicting and damaging consequences. 

A root cause to negative thoughts is the type and kind of media we consume.  If we are constantly involved in watching or listening to what might be considered lewd, crude, vulgar, or immoral than it will be difficult to maintain good, positive thoughts.  Consuming this kind of media which is so prevalent in our society is like being the frog that sat in warm water while the temperature gradually increased until the frog boiled.  Filling our minds with filth will slowly erode and eventually damage our character and who we are.     

So although the immediate effects are not as readily noticeable as hard drugs, the impact of negative thoughts can be just as destructive over time.  Therefore we must mind our thoughts and treat negative ones as we would any dangerous, destructive, and addictive habit for that is what they are.  We can’t be lulled in to the belief that thoughts don’t really matter all that much...   

When we discipline ourselves to rise above the filth and maintain clean positive thoughts we can only then truly become our best selves and reach our full potential.  Those who are able to control their thoughts and keep them positive will have greater success and happiness in life.     

When Fast is Slow and Slow is Fast!

It’s confession time.  A concept that I struggle with from Steven R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Successful People is the idea that with people slow is fast and fast is slow. In our world, speed is valued.  And unfortunately I am someone who thrives on checking things off my list, sticking to a schedule, getting things done quickly, and working as efficiently as possible.  Because of this “always fast” mentality, I struggle with what I believe is truth and that is with people fast is actually slow and slow in reality is fast. 

So what does this mean that with people slow is fast?  This means that when approaching a “people situation” we need to slow down—it can’t be scheduled or hurried because we never know how long the conversation may need to go in order for it to be effective.  People won’t be rushed or at least they won’t like it.  So in order for “people situations” to go well, we must prepare to take time upfront, to build the relationship, to establish trust so that we can move forward effectively and efficiently. 

Let’s take a look at how this might work.  Let’s say for example I’ve unintentionally offended a co-worker and I know I need to apologize but the reality is I have a ton on my plate and we have work to do to meet a pressing deadline.  It may be easy to think to myself that my co-worker doesn’t need to be so sensitive and that we really just need to concentrate on our deadline.  With this in mind I may choose to quickly pass by his office and say “hey I’m sorry about that”, and move along to my next task.  Though this “solution” is fast, the question is, will it be very meaningful or effective? 

Now what if I instead take the time to slow down, look him in the eye, and share a sincere apology and then wait and listen to anything he may want to share to ensure our feelings towards each other are back on solid ground before moving on?  This will certainly take longer but which will help us strengthen our relationship and eventually help us work more effectively together to meet our deadline?  Fast is slow and slow is fast. 

Or let’s say I want my son to begin mowing the lawn and he has never done it before.  Do you think things would turn out better for both him and for me if I just yelled down the stairs that he needed to mow the lawn right now giving a few quick instruction on how to do it?  Or would going outside with him, showing him the different parts and features of the mower, explaining what to look out for in the yard and how to properly mow, and then even coaching and teaching him at his side as he begins to mow for the first time be better?  Obviously the latter would take longer but it would also be better for him and for me because he’d know how to mow properly and I hopefully wouldn’t find myself constantly mowing after him—going over missed spots in the lawn, or repairing sprinkler heads that were run over, or picking up a shredded newspaper he mowed, etc.  Do you see how taking the time up front to teach and train him properly will save me a lot of time on the back end? 

When we slow down with people, and show that we truly care and value them, it will help us be fast.  This can be hard and seem counterintuitive for us who are wired to go fast.  But not slowing down with people is truly counterproductive and we will pay for it.  With things, tasks, and objects fast is fast but when working with people, we must remember that fast is actually slow and slow is actually fast. 

So, no matter how difficult it may be, when in a people situation, be prepared to slow down.  I know it is hard, and I really struggle with it, but slowing down and taking time when confronting people issues and situations will actually help us be fast.

The Real Heroes are Not in Rio

Like most of the nation, I have been following the Olympics closely and cheering on the athletes.  The Olympics are truly awesome and inspiring but the real heroes I believe aren’t in Rio.  To me, the real heroes are those who tirelessly sacrifice and dedicate their time and talents to taking care of and helping others.  They are the healthcare professionals and care-givers, teachers, coaches and mentors, fire and police men and women, and military personnel.  They don’t seek fame or recognition of their own but instead seek to help others.   So although I do love the Olympics and applaud the athletes for their incredible accomplishments—I encourage us all to give thanks and praise to the true heroes that surround us every day.  And I’m grateful for the true heroes I get to work by and associate with on a daily basis!  Go USA!!

Be Builders!

Recently a teenage boy posted a drawing of a picture of a dragon on Instagram.  This drawing was less than perfect and well below what most of us would believe a teenage boy would be capable of drawing.  For example, the wings were different sizes and looked more like wings that belonged to a bumble bee rather than a dragon, the head was way too big for the skinny little body, and the legs were simply straight lines like a stick figure drawing.  The truth was, the drawing was very poor by any standard but obviously this teenage boy felt proud of it since he had posted it on Instagram for all of the world to see. 

Shortly after the post of this drawing, one of his friends couldn’t resist so he made a funny comment, poking some good hearted fun at the drawing.  Then another comment followed and another until many of this teenage boy’s Instagram “friends” were openly mocking him and ridiculing him for his ridiculous and pathetic drawing of a dragon.  Only after many comments had been made, some of which were mean-spirited and inappropriate did the teenage boy respond that the drawing was not done by him but was given to him by a close family friend who he had just visited in the hospital earlier that day and who was dying of cancer.

Seeing this unfold on Instagram I realized that at times in our lives, we probably all of have been on the two different sides of this story.  We all have probably been ridiculed and mocked by insensitive people who didn’t understand or see the whole picture.  And even worse, all of us probably at times have been the one who was insensitive and maybe even mean not knowing the whole story.  I was sure glad it never crossed my mind to join in on the fun by making some flippant comment and my guess is that the majority of his “friends”, if not all of them, would have never left most of the comments they had if they had known the whole story. 

Situations like this happen every day and I fear that more and more of us default to our instant emotions rather than being more careful and considerate of others.  To me, we are choosing more and more often to see people as objects and not as people.  The Internet and social media has made it easy to hide behind screens and unleash whatever first thought, criticism, or opinion comes to our mind.  We barrage and ridicule sometimes complete strangers. 

We can be better than this though.  Rarely do we know the whole story behind others actions or words.  Rather than being harsh or judgmental we should strive to be more aware, more sensitive, and more kind.  Let’s build rather than tear down.  There are enough people out there who destroy so let’s be builders!  In my mind this can only make us better people and ultimately better leaders. 

At the end of the day, all of us fall victim to our own incorrect assumptions.  We are wired to “fill in the blanks” and create a story.  Often however these stories are wrong and inaccurate and cause us to do or say or even feel unwise things.  Understanding this, we must think through our assumptions and the stories we tell ourselves.  If we want to strengthen our relationships and our ability to influence and motivate others, we must learn to remove assumptions as often as possible and see people as people. 

After all, we are all people with wants, needs, fears, and desires, each just as important as the next.  Learning to control our assumptions and stories and seeking to understand first before we comment or react will help us be much more successful in life. 

A lot of life is about our perspective, the assumptions we make, and the stories we tell ourselves.  Let’s control our stories and strive to always see people as people.  Let’s remember the teenage boy and his dragon picture—let’s remember others we may have hurt in the past not knowing the whole story.  As we strive to do this we will strengthen our relationships and have much better results in life.       

Hopes or Fears?

We really have two choices; to go after our hopes or listen to our fears.  Therefore, our life is about deciding whether our fears or our hopes matter most.  Sadly, too often in life we are governed by fear rather than hope.  And sometimes we don’t even realize it or are willing to admit it, but what we decide is not based on our goals, dreams, and aspirations but rather on our fears, concerns, and worries.  We allow these fears to lead us through life rather than taking charge of our own outcomes and destiny.  As you can imagine, living this way never leads us to the kind of life we’d like to have. 

Allowing fear to direct our life leads to so many negative things such as low satisfaction with life, low energy, a feeling of having little or no control, and even eventually remorse and regret.  We don’t want this to be us!  So, learning to make decisions based on hope and what we want most in life is how we ought to live.  This of course is not easy as so many of us have become accustomed to making decisions out of fear.  For this reason, changing our course will require deliberate effort, as well as some patience and time.  When we are faced with an important decision, or really any decision at all, we need to ask ourselves am I choosing this because it is truly what I hope for in life or is out of fear?  If we are able to begin doing this even once out of every 10 decisions it will give us a good starting place.  And putting forth this effort will eventually grow to 1 out of every 8 decisions then 1 out of 5 then hopefully, eventually 9 out of 10 decisions we are faced with.  As we begin this process, we can start to live out of hope! 

And believe me, I know that making decisions based on our hopes and dreams can, is, and will be scary at times.  What we need to remember during these moments of uncertainty is that we have only one life to live, so the risk is worth it.  Living a life where we never even tried to live our dreams, one where we realize nearly all of our decisions were governed by fears will only lead to serious disappointment.  The time is now to make our hopes matter more than our fears and the only way to do that is through our actions and choices.    

So what is controlling you and how are you living your life?  Eventually all of us decide whether our fears or hopes matter most to us.  I hope more of us will begin today to choose our hopes!     

The Abundance of Possibility

“The more attention you shine on a particular subject, the more evidence of it will grow.  Attention is like light and air and water.  Shine attention on obstacles and problems and they multiply lavishly.” Benjamin Zander

What we hope for in life too often is drowned out by all of the perceived challenges and obstacles we see in front of us, preventing us from achieving our hopes and dreams.  The interesting thing I’ve learned in life is that often, the challenges and obstacles we face are all invented. 

Each of us sees life through a different set of lenses.  We all have our own frameworks that have been built over years based on our experiences, beliefs, heartaches, and understanding of how the world operates.  Because of these unique frameworks that each of us carry around, we see situations in a certain light and frequently neglect to see all of the other possibilities that surround us. 

Two people can view a certain problem and circumstance very differently.  For example, as a youth basketball coach I recently showed an incredible video of a very young child doing very difficult basketball drills.  To me this video broadened my view of what I believed to be possible and I felt inspired.  With this in mind, I hoped showing the video to my players would do the same for them.  Unfortunately they quickly noticed something that I had failed to notice the first time around and that is that this young athlete in the video was a young daughter of an all-time NBA great.  Seeing this immediately invocated feelings in my players of how lucky and naturally gifted this young child must be how they could never compare or compete. 

Life is often like that.  We see obstacles and impossibilities where others may see opportunities.  Rather than digging to find all of the opportunities and possibilities, we instead look for the obstacles and impossibilities.  And then rather than reaching for the stars, we settle for something much less with a belief that the stars we seek are always out of reach.  We get stuck in a framework of limitation and impossibility. 

If we can all learn to change and expand our framework however, and expand what we see, we can then begin to achieve so much more.  Doing this requires a close examination of the assumptions we have, that often we don’t even realize we have, that are keeping us from achieving what we truly want.  And then we need to determine how we can change these assumptions to different assumptions that allow us pathways of possibility. 

Because the truth is, often every presumed dead-end we face, is only a dead-end because of the framework we’ve developed around that particular problem.  There are always new frameworks to create and possibilities to invent!  Look for a fresh set of eyes, a new approach, uncommon assumptions, and new avenues will immediately come in to focus.  There is always an abundance of possibility. As we shine light on possibilities rather than limitations and reasons why we can’t accomplish our hopes and dreams, our capacity to achieve what we want in life will grow exponentially.              

Motivating Winners

Motivation and leading people effectively is tricky but one of the best actions we can take is to help people feel like winners.  When people feel like winners they are more apt to act like winners and do those things that winners do.  So here are 4 easy things to do to help others feel like winners. 

#1 Look for the Good

If things are going poorly, look for small wins.  This may take some creativity but we can nearly always find things that are going right.  We have a propensity as human beings to look for and high-light the bad—it’s just who we are, but finding the good, even if it is small, and recognizing it will help those we lead feel like winners.

#2 Establish Scoreboards

For people to know if they are winners or not there does have to be some type of scoreboard or goal or standard or measuring stick they are working toward.  There is nothing more frustrating than having to guess whether you are doing a good job or not as a team.  Having a clear scoreboard with clear metrics to achieve will go a long way in helping people feel like winners. 

#3 Celebrate

Celebrate victories even if they are small.  Not just recognizing but also celebrating successes will help build confidence in those we lead and will build a sense of camaraderie among the team.  Small celebrations high-lighting successes can lead to greater results.    

#4 Be Genuine

With all this being said we must be genuine in what we do.  We can’t fake small wins, or celebrations.  We have to actually be happy and enthusiastic about what we see as wins.  The more genuine we can be the better the message will be received and the more people will feel and believe they are winners which can lead to achieving greater things.     

It motivating when we feel like winners so it is important for us as leaders to help others feel that way.  Looking for the good, establishing scoreboards, recognizing and celebrating small wins, and being genuine can lead to bigger wins as a team begins to feel like winners.  Examine those you lead, are you helping them to feel like winners?  Effective leaders find ways to help others feel like winners.    

The Four Obsession of an Extraodinary Executive

If I were to ask the question, what makes a great leader, I’m sure I’d get a plethora of different answers.  I’d also put money on it that very few people would answer the question the way Patrick Lencioni did in his book The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive.  As is nearly always the case with Lencioni, his ideas are incredibly simple in theory but very difficult to have the discipline to fully embrace them and put them in to practice. 

Lencioni’s 4 obsessions can be summed up like this:  be cohesive, be clear, over communicate, and reinforce.  I’d like to touch on each of these obsessions very quickly.

Extraordinary executives know how to develop a cohesive team and spend much of their time doing so.  Not only do successful leaders tend to attract great people but they also take time to develop and engage them.  At the end of the day, when people work well together, results tend to follow regardless of the individual talent or ability of each team member.  Getting people to work together and interact well with each other is Lencioni’s first obsession for an extraordinary executive.

The next three obsessions build on each other and each has to do with communication. With this in mind the second obsession is establishing clarity.  Clarity is so critical to success because if things aren’t clear, people become frustrated and tend to waste a lot of time.  Making sure everyone understands the purpose of what they are doing, how they fit in, and what the ultimate goal is of the organization is so important.  For this reason extraordinary executives focus lots of time on it. 

Once the clarity is established the next obsession of an extraordinary executive is to over-communicate this clarity.  Though it becomes repetitive and old, great executives never tire of communicating the most critical messages and making sure they are clear.  Many ordinary executives find it hard or sometimes just plain boring to have the discipline to repeat the same messages over and over again. 

And finally, once clarity has been over-communicated an extraordinary executive reinforces that clarity through multiple means and channels.  Whether in memos, meetings, banquets, Christmas cards, or messages to the press, extraordinary executives finds ways to reinforce his or her most important messages over and over again in a variety of different ways.  People learn differently and react or understand different kinds of communication in different ways.  For this reason, reinforcing the clarity in all that we do helps an executive become extraordinary.   

These four obsessions when practiced well, lead to what the author calls organizational health, which is a huge competitive advantage for any organization.  As is the case in many of his works, Lencioni points out that rather than being smart, being healthy should be at the top of every leader’s priority list for their company.  The extraordinary executive understands this and therefore is obsessed with doing things that will help his or her organization become healthy.            

So what makes a leader great?  Really committing to a few simple disciplines. Though it is not always easy to identify what successful executive or leader do, I believe anyone who follows Lencioni’s advice in this book will be much much closer to becoming extraordinary. 

The Correct Way to Measure Greatness

“Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you are today.” 

Lorenzo Snow

How do you define personal greatness?  To be great in your eyes does it require that you achieve some great accomplishment, earn a certain dollar amount, or receive a certain recognition or position?  Too many of us define greatness by comparing ourselves against others.  And though I’m not opposed to comparisons and competition, I think basing our feelings, thoughts, and even often our self-esteem in measuring our personal greatness to others is unfruitful, unwise, and unhealthy. 

To me personal greatness is doing our very best every day and helping others to do the same.  Each of us has different limitations, skills, and talents.  Each of us has unique experiences, education, and backgrounds.  Regardless of all of our many differences, I believe each of us has an opportunity to be great every single day.  When we truly strive to do our personal best every day, we will be able to accomplish things beyond anyone’s imagination—including our own. 

Notice also that personal greatness as I define it requires us to help others.  This is contrary to our competitive, often cut throat society though I believe when we truly help others be great, we become greater ourselves.  Again we can be great every single day by helping and encouraging others to do their personal best. 

So rather than determine our personal greatness on accolades, awards, or recognition from others we should base it on our personal effort.  Are we doing our personal best today?  Are we helping others to do the same?  When we can honestly answer yes to these questions we are achieving personal greatness—and we can make this happen every single day.  Being personally great every single day should be a lifelong pursuit for us all.  Here’s to being GREAT!      

What Have I Given Up Lately?: A Simple thought to Measure Sacrifice and Commitment

Hopefully all of us have dreams and goals in life that are aligned with what matters most to us.  One way I’ve found to measure my commitment and drive to achieve my dreams is to ask myself “what have I given up lately?”  

Sacrificing something we care about, or like, or want for something that is even more important is one of the ultimate confirmations that we are serious about our dreams.  As I reflect on my commitment level to those things I care about most, I can see times in my life when I’ve given up things I liked to better achieve my goals.  And though the sacrifice was hard and even sometimes painful at the time, the decision to let go of a few things in order to obtain what I wanted most was always worth it. 

Truly successful people know what they want and are willing to make sacrifices for it.  Those who can’t let go, struggle to make the real progress they hope to in reaching their goals and desires.  As we analyze our commitment to our dreams, we should ask ourselves frequently, “what have I given up lately?” in order to measure our commitment.  As we make sacrifices today, we will in time receive the benefits from doing so as we achieve our wildest dreams.      

The Strangest Secret

“The way we think directly affects the results we get in life; our thoughts lead to actions which determine our success.”  Unknown

Ernest Nightingale became famous for his book The Strangest Secret which secret is that “we become what we think about.”  Managing our thoughts is difficult and too often I find myself with less than admirable, helpful, and positive thoughts.  Learning to master our thoughts can pay big dividends in our life and help us live a more successful and happier one.  Below are some ideas on how to manage our thoughts. 

#1 Think Stop

When you notice your thoughts are less than ideal, tell yourself to “stop”.  Commanding yourself to stop will interrupt your thought and will allow you to take control.  Remember you are the master of your thoughts so when they are poor command that they stop. 

#2 Lists are good

Have a list of positive thoughts, thoughts you’d like to have and write them down.  Refer to the list often and look at the list whenever you are in need of some positive thoughts. 

#3 Change Activities

When negatives thoughts are plaguing your mind, change what you are doing.  If you are reading a book and your mind is running wild, perhaps go do some chores around the home, call a friend, or go for a run.  If you are working at your desk and your thoughts are less than ideal perhaps move to the couch or take a break.  Changing up what you are doing can help distract your mind and help it “reboot” and focus on something else.  Also, pay attention to those activities that seem to lead you to poor thoughts more often than others and then avoid doing those things whenever possible.

#4 Write it down

Sometimes thoughts are stuck and remain that way until we get them out.  Many have found it to be helpful to write down their negative thoughts on paper and then throw them away.  This exercise at times can free your mind and get rid of nasty thoughts. 

#5  Watch your Feelings

At times we may not even realize our thoughts are poor.  By paying attention to our feelings and emotions we can often identify the kinds of thoughts we are having.  Our thoughts often create and control our feelings and emotions therefore if we are feeling sad or angry or apathetic, it is an indication our thoughts have been less than ideal and that we need to change them.

Using the ideas above we can become better at mastering our thoughts.  Though not easy, the effort we exert in managing our thoughts will pay off.  Having better thought now will help us become better people and better leaders and ultimately allow us to gain better results and satisfaction in life.   

Perspective on Failures

“Try and fail, but never fail to try.”
Jared Leto

Life is hard.  Especially when things do not go our way or turnout how we had hoped or wanted.  So what are we to do?  Should we give up and give in—allowing depression and failures to seep in to our precious minds?  Do we stop trying hoping that this will somehow resolve the pain and hurt we feel?  Unfortunately many of us do this and we end up living a life well below our potential. 

Life hurts and the pain of failures is real.  Recently I’ve had several setbacks and unexpected failures in my life and it hurts and is hard.  Like most of us, I am someone who hates to fail and hates not to win and succeed.  So what are we to do? 

Have Perspective.

What I can say is that I believe these failures and setbacks will somehow be a good thing.  I’m not sure how and I am not sure why but I trust they are preparing me for something good, something big, something that will help me.  These failures are changing me and are making me more humble whether I want it or not.  They’ve also given me an opportunity to reflect on my mistakes and consider things I can and should do differently in the future to avoid future failures.  They are a teacher of sorts and I am trying to learn all that I can so that I can avoid the disappointment and pain in the future. 

The good news is, things can always be worse.  Though these recent failures in my life are difficult, thankfully they are not catastrophic or life-threatening.  So hopefully they will prepare me and help me to avoid such failures. 

And the other thing I can say is I’m not disappointed I tried.  In retrospect, yes I should have done things differently, handle some things better, and been smarter but hind sight is 20/20 and there is little I can do to change the past.  All I can control is right now and what is in front of me and through it all I have learned to be better. 

So are my failures in life over? No.  Will the pain soon end? I’m not sure but probably in time.  And with that being said I will continue to try.  I will try and try again.  I will hold my head up high with the resolve that I will not succumb to depression, anxiety, or apathy.  I did not give up and give in nor will I.  Life will have its blows but I will always get up and try again.   

Where Happiness Lays

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

Marcus Aurelius

Our thoughts are powerful things.  If we have figured that out yet or not it is irrelevant.  Our thoughts can and will influence our lives for better or for worse.  If I think I cannot do something, then I am probably right however if I believe that I can, then I am probably right as well.  

Our thoughts can determine our happiness in life.  So many look for happiness in all the wrong places hoping the next thing they find will bring it when happiness lies within us.  It lies within our capacity and ability to control our thoughts.  When we have positive, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, and inspiring thoughts we are happy.  When our thoughts are filled with fear, remorse, anger, greed, criticism, and degradation we are surely led to being unhappy. 

So how are you thoughts?  Do you control them or do they run wild and really control you?  Are they positive, motivating, and inspiring?  Do they lift you to new heights and make you want to become the best person you can be?  Or do they drag you down, divert your attention from what is important, and bring negativity in to your life?

If you haven’t already or if you are struggling with this or even if you are good but realize you can always do better, I would encourage you to have as a new year’s resolution to develop the ability to control your thoughts.  As we make efforts in this regard, our life can change.  A man is what he thinks about therefore we must think the right things.  Learning to have quality thoughts will help us fulfill our potential.