Secret #5 - Give more Than You Take

When we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind so seem smaller.”
Daniel Goleman

The fifth and last secret we must learn to live a fulfilling life is to give more than we take. Learning to give of ourselves and worry about the cares of others rather than our own produces feelings of satisfaction and happiness in our life. As one of the interviewees in the book The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die states, “if you are unhappy, get busy doing something for someone else. If you focus on others you will find happiness.”

Too often our society teaches us that self-indulgence, praise, and money are the things that will bring us happiness in life. However, living for yourself most often leads to misery and dissatisfaction with oneself as well as the world. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. declared, “An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” Like Dr. King, we “start living” by overcoming self-centeredness.

Serving and loving others may seem insignificant, but the impact it can have on your own life as well as the lives of others can be very powerful. Each kind act of service, no matter how small, almost always generates other kind acts sending ripples of hope and kindness to others. The act of serving others is a reciprocal cycle meaning one act of service toward someone almost always inspires another act of service.

Concentrating on giving more than we take helps our own worries disappear and fade away. Realizing that helping others can positively impact your life is a great lesson to learn. For those who give more than they take, they are able to leave this life when their time comes, completely satisfied.

Secret #4 - Live the Moment

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but it always robs today of its joy!”
Leo Buscaglia

Live the moment is the fourth secret we must discover before we die according to John Izzo’s book the The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die. The author writes, “In each moment we must simply be fully there and take all that moment has to offer.”
Each moment in life produces an original experience that is uniquely ours. Choosing to cherish the moment, whether good or bad and asking ourselves how we can learn from each moment will bring satisfaction in life.

Often we are wrapped up in thinking about and preparing for the future or simply dwelling on the past. Doing this robs us of the experiences taking place in the moment and takes away our opportunity to fully enjoy life. Every day is a unique destination and a new opportunity to be better and learn more. Truly living in the moment helps each day to be rewarding and meaningful.

Those of us who always dwell on tomorrow must realize that tomorrow will never come, all we have is today. Others of us who hang on to the past must learn to let go and move on, looking for what today can offer. Our most important day is today because it is the only one we have control over. We must be thankful and present each day to fully appreciate it—for we never know when it may be our last. People who die happy are people who are able to fully live the moment.

So are you here today, now, living in the present? Learning to live and appreciate the moment will help you live a rewarding and fulfilling life.

Secret #3 - Become Love

“Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.”
Leo Buscaglia

The third secret we must discover before we die according to John Izzo’s book is we must become love. In order to become love we must prioritize our lives and realize what is most important. Never will someone at their death bed wish they had spent more time at the office but on the contrary they will wish they’d spent more time with people who they care about. Learning to love in this life brings great happiness.

An important step in “becoming love” is learning to be positive and love ourselves. If we are unable to love ourselves, we will be unable to love others. Understandably, learning to love ourselves will bring about satisfaction in our lives.

We then need to make love a priority. Rarely if ever have people regretted developing deep relationships with others. We are social creatures and need each other to be sincerely happy. Thus, we must focus on relationships and realize there is nothing more important in life than cultivating them. From the book the author points out that our checkbooks are not our success but rather the people that we positively impact in life. Therefore, the importance of people cannot be lost or sacrificed for the pursuit of career and livelihood.

We also must see the larger picture beyond the moment and as the author suggests, “In each moment we must ask what really matters and act accordingly.” The results of following this advice can be immense and truly greatly impact our life as well as those around us. As we treat people like people that have their own needs, feelings, and desires, we will help make every interaction positive. Finding opportunities to serve others and brighten their day will result in great satisfaction.

Becoming love by loving yourself, serving others, being kind, and simply making relationships a priority makes sense in living a fulfilling and satisfying life. Become love and when your time does come, you will die happy!

Secret #2 - Leave No Regrets

Reflect for a minute on the people close to you who have passed away. Did they die happy? Do you think they were completely satisfied with their life? Recently I spoke to a close friend about his mother who had died and asked if he thought she had died completely fulfilled with her life. Sadly, he responded no, and then he talked about the strained relationship between his parents that was never healed. Regrettably, his mother passed away without having the courage to talk to her husband about her feelings of hurt and despair and thus the relationship stagnated and resulted in an unfulfilling life that ended with regrets and sorrow. Let’s not let that happen to us! Today we will continue to explore what we can do to ensure when we die, we are ready to go peacefully with the knowledge that we lived a full and satisfying life.

Leave no regrets is the second secret found in the book “Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die” by John Izzo. Leaving no regrets means living everyday to its fullest by accepting the fact that it may be your last. This means, if there is something you must do or must say or a relationship you must mend before you die, do it now!! We live in a very unpredictable world where we could pass away at anytime. Realizing that our time is limited and may come to an end suddenly develops a true sense of urgency and will help us live in a way where we will leave no regrets. Truly accepting the fact that life could end at any moment produces action.

Living with no regrets also means we learn to forgive ourselves and forgive others when things go wrong. This means we let go of mistakes made in the past and try to do better moving forward. Holding on to regrets, grudges, or mistakes will only rob us of living a peaceful, happy, and fulfilling life.

Leaving no regrets also includes risking more and stretching ourselves. One of the greatest regrets from many who are dying is that they did not take more risks in life but instead “played it too safe.” For example, my friend’s mom never had the courage to stand up to her husband and express her true feelings and in order to work through their relationship and make it stronger. Thus, she died with regrets. Doing what we love and finding new paths to get through life is risky but rewarding. Learning to overcome fears and take risks will help us leave no regrets and be true to ourselves. This will result in a happier more satisfying life.

So realize your time could end at any moment, forgive yourself and others, take risks, and live life without regrets!

Secret #1--Be True to Yourself

Have the discipline to listen to your heart, and then have the courage to follow.”
Ron Polack

Recently I posted a blog about the book The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die by John Izzo and for the next couple of days I’m going to expound on each secret as I believe they are important to helping us live fulfilled and satisfying lives. Our time in life is limited so we must use it wisely.

To me, nothing is more disheartening and tragic than hearing that someone died with regrets and sadness; although this is the case it seems in many, many instances. In order to avoid this trend, I will review the five secrets that will help us live life to its fullest.

Secret number one in John Izzo’s book is Be True to Yourself. To do this, we must know ourselves inside and out. We must determine what really matters to us and follow our hearts. We must discover the person we want to be and then work towards becoming that person.

To discover ourselves we must take serious time to think and reflect. Find some alone time in your day where you can contemplate what matters most to you and how you can accomplish it. Personality tests such as Myer-Briggs can also aid you in knowing your true self better.

It takes courage and confidence to truly be true to yourself, because you may discover you are on the wrong path causing the need to make major changes in your life. Also being true to yourself may not be popular or received well by others. However, having the confidence to follow your heart will bring about deep personal satisfaction. Being true to yourself is having the valor to follow your self-chosen destiny.

Some questions to help you determine if you are being true to yourself include:

Am I happy doing what I’m doing right now?

Am I being the kind of person I want to be?

Is my life focused on things that really matter?

Often, the outside world will influence us to be less than we can be. The media, television, and internet will cloud our vision and influence us to not be true to ourselves. Learning to overcome these outside influences and really spend time contemplating about our true selves will put us on the right track. So, push out outside influences and start being true to yourself today!

One Sure Fire Way to Beat Anxiety

Today’s message is simple and sweet and it is that the one sure fire way to overcome fear and beat anxiety is by facing it head on.

During the past two days, I’ve participated in extremely intense executive meetings with a very formal group of well-educated, experienced, and talented executives. Two weeks ago I was given an option to give two presentations to this group who I knew would view my topics as very threatening and controversial as they were very sensitive issues within the company. To this point, no one had ever dared to formally address these issues. Though extremely nervous about the daunting task at hand, I accepted the challenge and I could not be happier with that decision. Now that the meetings have concluded, I have an incredible sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction because I embraced my nervousness and overcame my fear.

Facing fears in our lives seems to instantly give us a huge boost to our self-esteem and confidence. And though things went well for me during these meetings, even if the outcome had not been favorable, I know I would still feel good for overcoming my anxiety toward the task.  Additionally, doing a task we are anxious about makes it so much easier to face and overcome it again in the future. I’ve come to the conclusion that managing anxiety in many cases is a choice, and we can allow it to paralyze us or we can use it as a positive force to pump us up and perform at our best.

Changing our outlook on anxiety, nervousness, and fear is key! Nearly always, anxiety is referred to as a negative emotion.  I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be as anxiety in many instances can be controlled and can even help us to reach our highest levels of potential.  If we are determined, I know we can channel our anxiety for good.

Viewing anxiety for what it is, and discovering we can use it to help us meet and overcome our fears can pay big dividends in our life and lead us toward success.  So what are we waiting for, let’s face our fears today and live our life to its fullest! We can turn our fears into positive energy that will propel us to new heights.

A Time to Be Offended

Have you been the victim of someone being mean-spirited, rude, dishonest, or disrespectful to you at work, in the community, or at home? We all have; and when this happens, typically we find ourselves taking offense, which then makes us upset, angry, and down. Even worse, these situations often do not only ruin the moment, but they also linger long after and negatively impact our entire day. Do you wish you could reverse or avoid the negative effects of being offended? Well, you can! Though it is not easy, we can choose today not to be offended…ever!

As human beings, we have the ability to choose to treat others as we wish, whether good or poor. This is a simple fact of life. However, one of the most important and fundamental secrets to happiness is that although people have a choice about how they treat others or us, we have the capacity to choose how we will react to these actions whether positively or negatively. When we choose to be offended, we essentially allow the actions of others to affect us in a negative way. However this does not have to be the case, because the actions of others and how we react to them are two independent choices. Thus being offended is never forced upon us by someone else, because we have the capacity to choose to be offended or not!

When we decide to be offended we often feel mistreated or insulted, and we make the choice to be upset or miserable. It is easy to be offended at work, our home, or in our communities as people certainly do things that justify offense. However, it is important to remember we have the choice to determine how we will react to different situations. Will we let the other person’s actions destroy us, or build us up? Indeed, people cannot make us offended or even ruin our day; it simply is not possible. Though it can be very difficult to not be offended, not believing this is believing we don’t have power over our own actions but instead are slaves to the actions of others. This simply is not true.

Taking offense and holding grudges when something goes wrong can result in lower productivity, poor concentration, an inability to achieve goals, and even an increase in stress with a loss of peace of mind. Taking offense can ruin your whole day, or a week, or even an entire life if we choose to let it. There are many examples of individuals who have lived a life full of offense, grudges and negativity, because they’ve chosen to feel they’ve been wronged in some way. Sadly, these self-inflicted negative feelings do not only impact the individual but also hurts those around them including co-workers, spouses, children, and friends. The consequences of choosing to be offended, when it is a choice, can be detrimental not only to you, but to all of those around you.

Rather than choosing to be offended, we can remember to choose not to be offended. Though it may seem extremely difficult to avoid offense at times, we all have the capability to overcome. When you are in a situation where someone may be offensive, first remember you have a choice and then choose not to be offended. Next, if appropriate, speak with the person openly, privately, and honestly about how you feel. Oftentimes it may be discovered there was a misunderstanding or the person did not realize he or she was being offensive. Other times however you may discover the person is purposely offensive. Regardless, remember you have the ability to choose how you will react and treat other people. Choose not to be like them, and choose not to be offended.

We do not control the actions of others, thus we will at times feel we should be offended by what someone has done. However, we always have the ability to push those feelings aside and react in a positive way to any situation. Choosing to act constructively will help you be a better person and will help you live a more fulfilling and rewarding life. Learning to overcome negative feelings and rising above the “offensiveness” of others will make you a great leader. Choosing not to be offended will help us all be more productive, happy, and successful in life. So the choice is yours, what will it be? Choose to not be offended!

The 5 Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

“Knowledge of what makes a life happy and purposeful means little if this knowledge is not translated into action. Knowing and going. We must do both.”
John Izzo

In a thought provoking study, author John Izzo interviewed many elderly people to determine “The Five Secrets you Must Discover Before You Die.” Though what he learned is not all that shocking, the book provides a great reminder to what is most important while we are here on this earth. Living these secrets, the author argues, will result in a happy and fulfilled life.

Secret # 1—Be true to yourself

Is it really any surprise that people near death list being true to oneself as a secret to happiness? As we are true to ourselves, we live with confidence and fulfillment—knowing that what we are doing is in harmony with who we are.

Secret #2—Leave no regrets

Leaving no regrets is about taking risks and conquering fear. As we extend ourselves and dare to be more than we think we can be, we almost always feel an intrinsic sense of satisfaction regardless of our results. As one interviewee put it, “[you must] have the discipline to listen to your heart, and then have the courage to follow.”

Secret #3—Become Love

Learning to love oneself as well as others is truly what brings happiness in life. Above any other thing we can possibly gain in this life, almost always, relationships are what are most important to a person at his or her deathbed. Learning to nurture relationships and setting them as a high priority in life is of utmost importance to a rewarding life.

Secret #4—Live the moment

Too often we get caught up in dwelling on the past or thinking about the future that we fail to fully enjoy the present. When we learn to see the good in the present and give thanks for what we have, we begin to enjoy our life. A valuable lesson is realizing that time is fleeting and tomorrow never comes.

Secret #5—Give more than you take

Concentrating on others rather than yourself produces feelings of love and charity that cannot be matched. One interviewee summed it up simply that “happiness comes from serving others.” When we discover this secret and give more of ourselves, life instantly improves.

Now knowing these five secrets is simply not enough; because though most of us could have guessed the majority of them before we heard them, very few people actually do them. One of the most meaningful parts of this book is toward the end when the author offers advice on how to apply these secrets into our lives. His ideas and strategies are unique and simple and add value to those who are truly driven and passionate about changing their lives. Applying these secrets is the key.

Lastly, the author discovered the greatest fear of those near death is not the fear of dying itself but rather the fear of “not having truly lived.” May we discover and live these five secrets in our lives so we can “truly live”! This my goal and my hope and desire for us all!

3 Must Have Traits for Extraordinary Leaders

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.”
John Quincy Adams

In a recent article I read on leadership, it described three qualities that make a great leader, both in the business world as well as in life. These three traits included providing a vision, inspiring trust, and offering support. The article argued that doing these three things alone will allow a leader to be successful, and I completely agree. In fact, I believe a leader who is truly able to do these three things will not only be a great leader, but will become an extraordinary leader.

Provide a Vision

A great leader has a vision for the future, and he or she is able to share this vision and solicit “buy-in” from his or her followers. This vision needs to be compelling and must inspire others to action. Providing a powerful vision that the leader truly believes in and is committed to will not only guide and direct his or her followers, but it will also supply his or her people with intrinsic satisfaction, motivation, and purpose. People want to contribute to something greater than themselves, and individuals who are able to provide a meaningful vision that produces excitment will be successful leaders as people will want to follow.

Inspire Trust

Great leaders know how to inspire trust in several ways. First, they inspire trust through actions that are consistent with their words. What the leader says and what he or she does must be the same. Second, through living with the highest level of integrity and by never taking short cuts or asking others to be dishonest or unethical in any way, the leader inspires trust. Third, through fulfilling their promises. If the leader says he or she will do something, he or she must do it to truly inspire trust and be considered trustworthy. And lastly, through modeling an example that others want to follow, a leader inspires trust. Inspiring trust is difficult in our skeptic world, but those who are able to do it effectively are on the path to becoming more than simply a great leader.

Offer Support

Every great leader must offer support to their followers. Rather than leaving someone out on an island or constantly looking over their shoulder, a good leader must offer the appropriate amount of support necessary to ensure his or her followers succeed. Finding the balance between total empowerment and micromanaging is difficult, but great leaders find a way to offer enough support for an individual to thrive. Showing the right amount of support is important, because it creates feelings of care and concern that the leader has for the individual—demonstrating the leader wants them to do well. People who learn how to offer the right amount of support to others will quickly earn the respect of their followers, and they will flourish as a leader.

I believe following these three traits will make us extraordinary leaders, because so few leaders today are able to succeed in doing all three. So, do you want to be more than just a great leader?! Practice and hone these three qualities of providing a vision, inspiring trust, and offering support, and you will be well on your way to becoming an extraordinary leader.