The #1 Behavior We Must Stop

Two weeks I talked about destructive behavior and how it can greatly impact our life.  Today I’d like to talk about the number one destructive behavior I see plaguing the lives of thousands and probably millions of people around the world.  It is self-talk.

Whether we vocalize it or not, we talk to ourselves.  Perhaps more commonly we talk to ourselves through our thoughts.  The fact is though whether vocal or silent we all talk to ourselves and we all tell ourselves every day what we think about ourselves.  Unfortunately, we are usually our own worst critic.

Common phrases that I think of when I consider my own self talk are “how could I be so stupid”, “I can’t do that”, and “I messed that up.”  For some reason we tend to focus on the bad and at the same time we seem to have a blind eye to the good.  If we examine ourselves, I believe many of us will find that our self-talk is negative. 

How often a day to you think you may put yourself down?  It is an interesting question to think about and perhaps an even more interesting experiment to conduct, counting the number of times you think negatively about yourself throughout the day.  I think each of us would be surprised by the results we would discover.  Even those of us who believe we do a pretty good job. 

We must guard ourselves against excessive negative self-talk.  In fact, people have completely ruined their lives by the way they talk to themselves.  We must encourage ourselves and become our own best cheerleader.  Perhaps my frequent negative self-phrase can be replaced with thoughts of “how can I be so smart”, “I can do this”, and “I know all things are possible.”  If we can change our thoughts to positive thoughts about ourselves not only will our self-esteem and self-confidence improve, but we’d also soon discover our success would increase in life.       

Destructive behavior adds no value to our lives and must be eliminated.  The most common destructive behavior is negative self-talk.  As we strive to change our self-talk to positive thoughts and words toward ourselves we will find a greater sense of satisfaction, self-worth, and success.  Eliminating this destructive behavior from our lives is well worth the effort—Good luck!! 

Improving our Focus

“Life is either bitter or sweet depending entirely upon which we choose to focus on.”

Today I just want to give a very quick tip.  In the world we live in it is often easy to become discouraged.  However, if we can pay attention to the good things in our lives, even the seemingly small and insignificant things, we can find happiness.

 In many ways we are conditioned to focus on the negative, dwell on the bad, be constantly fixing what is wrong, and pointing out problems when good is all around us in our lives.  This pre-conditioned habit to dwell on the bad often brings us down.  We need to however improve our focus by expressing gratitude for all of the good in our lives.  I know each of us has many things to be thankful for.  And if we can turn our attention from the negative and focus on the positive, we will become much better people. 

When things go wrong in our life as they often do, we have two choices.  We can either make things worse and contribute to the problems or we can make them better.  If we can focus on helping things go right, no matter the challenges we face, we will find success. 

So my challenge today is to focus on the good…always.  There is so much good around us that we miss because we are too aware of the bad.  Focusing on the good and giving thanks in our lives for it will help us to be better people.    

Destructive Behavior Part 1

Recently I met with a team to talk about how to improve the group’s performance.  As I had analyzed the group over the prior weeks I knew some of my mother’s advice would come in handy in helping the group achieve better results.  My mother’s advice that I shared with the group was the following:

“If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all,” and “If you are saying something unkind, then you shouldn’t be talking.”

This group was suffering because the individual team members were very openly participating in what I call destructive behavior.  I define destructive behavior as behavior that has no worth or positive impact, a behavior that adds no value, a behavior that does nothing to solve a problem or reach a goal.

Now before I go on I want to make it clear that I am not condemning conflict, problem solving, or accountability.  When we engage in “passionate and heated conversation”, this is good.  In doing so, at times it may be necessary to say things that may be perceived as unkind but when we do it with the intent of solving a problem and helping the team, again to clarify, this is good.

So, as a team we need to be able to talk openly and trust each other however often we participate in destructive behavior which kills trust and eliminates open communication.  These behaviors include gossiping, constant complaining, shifting blame, refusing to listen, excessive sarcastic and negative remarks, pointing fingers or constantly pointing out others faults without the intent to help and support, and refusing to work on solutions.  These behaviors were destroying this team’s ability to trust each other, work as a team, and achieve great results.  Thus, I advised them to cease participating in destructive behaviors immediately.   

Interestingly enough, often times in our personal lives we participate in destructive behavior.  We do things or say things that add little value to our lives or help us achieve our goals.  We waste our time, heart, and energy in these behaviors and then wonder why we are not more successful.  In our personal lives, some of these things may be the same as in a team setting and some may be very different.  In fact, some may be as innocent as surfing the internet, or watching too much tv.  Again anything that is not adding value to our lives and helping us to accomplish our goals in my mind is destructive behavior.    

So my challenge today is for us to analyze our behavior and determine what is destructive and what is not.  Once we have a good, honest list of what behaviors in our life are adding no value, we must eliminate them.  If we can be honest with ourselves and eliminate the destructive behavior in our life, we will be on the pathway to success.  Doing this can make us much better leaders and much happier people.