Destructive Behavior Part 1

Recently I met with a team to talk about how to improve the group’s performance.  As I had analyzed the group over the prior weeks I knew some of my mother’s advice would come in handy in helping the group achieve better results.  My mother’s advice that I shared with the group was the following:

“If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all,” and “If you are saying something unkind, then you shouldn’t be talking.”

This group was suffering because the individual team members were very openly participating in what I call destructive behavior.  I define destructive behavior as behavior that has no worth or positive impact, a behavior that adds no value, a behavior that does nothing to solve a problem or reach a goal.

Now before I go on I want to make it clear that I am not condemning conflict, problem solving, or accountability.  When we engage in “passionate and heated conversation”, this is good.  In doing so, at times it may be necessary to say things that may be perceived as unkind but when we do it with the intent of solving a problem and helping the team, again to clarify, this is good.

So, as a team we need to be able to talk openly and trust each other however often we participate in destructive behavior which kills trust and eliminates open communication.  These behaviors include gossiping, constant complaining, shifting blame, refusing to listen, excessive sarcastic and negative remarks, pointing fingers or constantly pointing out others faults without the intent to help and support, and refusing to work on solutions.  These behaviors were destroying this team’s ability to trust each other, work as a team, and achieve great results.  Thus, I advised them to cease participating in destructive behaviors immediately.   

Interestingly enough, often times in our personal lives we participate in destructive behavior.  We do things or say things that add little value to our lives or help us achieve our goals.  We waste our time, heart, and energy in these behaviors and then wonder why we are not more successful.  In our personal lives, some of these things may be the same as in a team setting and some may be very different.  In fact, some may be as innocent as surfing the internet, or watching too much tv.  Again anything that is not adding value to our lives and helping us to accomplish our goals in my mind is destructive behavior.    

So my challenge today is for us to analyze our behavior and determine what is destructive and what is not.  Once we have a good, honest list of what behaviors in our life are adding no value, we must eliminate them.  If we can be honest with ourselves and eliminate the destructive behavior in our life, we will be on the pathway to success.  Doing this can make us much better leaders and much happier people.