Gaining Personal Happiness

“We are the ones who are uplifted when we try to sincerely uplift others.” 

Perhaps the best way to find success and true satisfaction in life is to devote it to others.  A simple truth I have learned over the years is that when we sincerely try to improve the lives of others, our life is improved.  This is a natural law of the universe that cannot be denied.  Sacrificing for others leads to a greater sense of joy and happiness in life. 

Now severing others and putting their wants and needs before our own is something that is very difficult.  For one, we are all naturally self-serving creatures.  We have an innate desire to help ourselves before others and seek out what we believe to be in our own best interest first.  Overcoming this natural inclination is very hard and takes discipline and self-control.  On top of that, we live in a society and culture that encourages us to become self-absorbed and to put ME before everyone and everything else.  These messages that surround us every day make it that much more challenging to do what really will help us most in our life which is serving others.  Finally, we have a large pile of good excuses why we cannot help others.  On the top of my personal list is “time” and perhaps it is at the top of yours too.  We fill our schedules with so many “self-serving” activities that we cannot possibly find time to help others.  Filling our days to the point where we are unable to help others results in dissatisfaction in life.  If we can overcome all of this, we will be the ones who are served when we strive to serve others.       

Now I realize this is not a common or popular approach that is commonly discussed on how to improve our lives and find success.  But just because it is not the most popular or widely talked about strategy does not mean it is not true.  In fact, I encourage you to give it a try so that you can see the results for yourself.  Really, please do not take my word for it.  There is no other way to know if it will help you or not until you really try it. 

Truly seeking to bless the lives of others will separate us from the crowd.   Leaders who serve those they lead are much more successful and satisfied in their leadership roles and are able to generate the respect, admiration, and support needed to successfully lead.  As we sacrifice for others, as we put them first, our personal satisfaction and success in our own lives will grow significantly.          

 

BurntHam Rewind: Are you a Critic, Cheerleader, or Coach?

Orginally posted on 9/15/11

In life, each of us has the opportunity to positively or negatively impact the people around us through our actions and our “ways of being” toward them. I’ve determined that typically we fall into three categories of how we influence and interact with others. I’ve also learned that we can be in different categories at different times toward the same person based on the given situation and that we may be typically in one category toward one person, such as our spouse, and typically in another category toward another person, such as a friend. No category is necessarily good or bad as all can potentially be both simply based on the situation and how we handle ourselves. Learning to know when to be each one in dealing with different situations and different people is the tricky part but doing so effectively can lead to great success in building relationships and motivating others. Below are the categories we typically fall in to when influencing others.

The Critic

First is the critic. The critic is constantly finding what is wrong. He points out faults, is careful not to make mistakes himself or show any weaknesses, and he judges and makes assumptions often. The critic is often someone that seems a little distant or closed minded. The critic is often harsh, deflating, and usually seems to be in an unpleasant mood. The critic seems oblivious to any good. As you can guess, many people do not like being around the critic but the critic can challenge us to view ourselves honestly and help us improve. There may be times when we all need critics to be our best. If not careful, being the critic often can potentially have a very negative impact on others.

The Cheerleader

Second is the cheerleader. The cheerleader is constantly cheering others on. Unlike the critic, the cheerleader points out only the good and ignores the bad. The cheerleader is nearly always positive and can inspire us to be better. The cheerleader has a way of being positive regardless if things are going good or bad. It may come as a surprise but the cheerleader can have both a positive and negative affect on others based on the situation and person because at times the cheerleader can create a false sense of reality and impede us from facing the brutal facts. Most of us like the cheerleader and want to be around them and many of us can use cheerleaders to help us through difficult times.

The Coach

Third is the coach. The coach is honest, open, and rational. The coach sees the bad and wants to help correct it but he also applauds the good frequently. The coach sacrifices for the good of others, sometimes risking short-term gains, friendships, and moments for long-term results. At times a coach can be annoying and challenging to work with but in the end, the coach is usually well liked and respected. The coach most often has a positive impact on others but not always. The coach can drive people to great results while helping them to feel good about their accomplishments.

Which way of being are we most often toward others? How about towards those we care about most in life? Analyzing these three categories can help us in our relationships and in our ability to be better leaders. At times people may need a critic, at times a cheerleader and at times a coach. Learning to know how and when to effectively be all three at different times and in different situations will greatly help us to be excellent relationship builders and outstanding leaders. Good luck!

Value our Words

Words are powerful things.  They can make or break a relationship, a friendship, a business, a community.  They are so powerful in fact that they can change the very course of history.  (How many leaders throughout history arrived in their position of power because of the words they used?)  Our words tell a story, convey messages, and create reality.  Our words shape who we are, how we believe, and what we think of ourselves and others.  From words opinions are formed and beliefs are shaped.  Indeed words are extremely powerful. 

Because of the impressive power of words we must be careful with them.  Using words without careful consideration or thought can cause us to say or write or do things that we may regret.  Understanding the power of words, we must be more guarded with how and when use them.  Someone who has mastered control over their words will greatly benefit from it in life because how we use our words often determines what kind of person we are and what others think of us. 

Too often I believe we undervalue the power of words and do not take them seriously enough.  We flippantly “blast off” the first thing that comes to our mind, allow anger to control or words, or don’t really put much thought and consideration in to them.  Using words ineffectively or unwisely can cause undue stress, heartache, problems, and conflict in our life. 

Now, just to be clear, I am not suggesting we don’t ever speak or write a message without thinking it over for many, many minutes first but what I am saying is that we do need to be careful.  I believe we do need to recognize and understand the power of words and realize the strong influence they can have.  Many problems can be solved, issues can be resolved, many conflicts minimized, relationships healed, and outcomes improved if we choose our words wisely.  Let’s value our words and allow them to help us to be more effective leaders and reach our full potential in life.                  

Leadership by Getting Out of the Way

Leadership comes in many forms and styles and each style has different effects on those being led.  Though I believe there isn’t a “one size fits all” leadership style that everyone should adhere to and/or always use under all circumstances, I do think different types or styles produce greater results most of the time.  One leadership style that I have seen be effective and has been a topic around my place of work lately is something that I call “leading by getting out of the way.”

Leading by “getting out of the way” is really what it sounds like.  It is a leader who believes in those they are leading.  It means they do not feel a need to always be hovering over their people or constantly critiquing, checking, approving, and correcting.  This leader helps when needed but also monitors progress from a distance and allows people room to make mistakes and learn from them.

This type of leadership style shows trust in others and allows them to take ownership for results.  For example, rather than always telling people how to do things, this leadership style defines the desired end results and allows others to determine how to most effectively get there.  People crave this level of trust from their leaders and often resent a leader who is always at their side giving commands, and never allows for ingenuity.    

This style of leadership looks up at people rather than down and reduces “bottle-necking” which so many leaders unintentionally create.   Because of the trust given using this style, people are able to thrive and take pride in their work.  This style of leadership allows people to feel good about the contributions they are making and creates a sense of worth.  Leaders who “get out of way” find that people really do want to do a good job and can be self-motivated to achieve great outcomes. 

As leaders, many times we get what we expect from our people.  If we do not expect much, and feel we always have to “be in the way”, then results will probably reflect that.  However, leaders who “get out of way” show they expect a lot from their people and that they believe in them.   

In the end, I believe leadership by “getting out of the way” is an effective leadership style to implement under most circumstances.  And I believe all of us are leaders in at least some way in our life whether it is to our children, our friends, our families, or at work.  If we are struggling in our leadership responsibilities, I suggest we consider this style.  Rather than being “in the way”, “let’s get out of the way” and help those we lead the best we can.