Achieving Greater Results in Life

This is a Burntham Rewind: Orginally posted 9/20/12

How much of the time we spend during our day contributes to our success in life?  How much of what we do really helps us?  According to the Pareto Principle, 20% of what we do gives us 80% of our results.  What does this mean?  It means we could be doing so much more to maximize our time.  It means we could be achieving much greater results in life. 

In today’s world it is time for us to be efficient.  The economy is slow, the world is flat, and competition is fierce.  Therefore, for us to succeed in life, we must spend our time most often on those things that produce results.  For us to be successful, we don’t have the leeway we perhaps once enjoyed in times past to not take advantage of every moment of our day.  Much like businesses today, as individuals we must “cut the fat” out of how we spend our time and make sure we are focusing on those things that help us get results and those things that matter most.

So how do we know what 20% of our time is helping us achieve 80% of our results in life?  This is a good question and I believe if we are truly honest with ourselves, we probably have a pretty good idea.  For the most part, time spent watching TV or movies, playing video games, surfing the internet, or perusing social media sights is probably time not very well spent.  As a society, I worry we spend too much time doing these things, and by so doing we rob ourselves of the opportunities that surround us.  It is time for us to invest in ourselves, to take control of our lives, to be disciplined, and spend our time in making us better.  It is time we give ourselves the chance to succeed by doing what we know will help us achieve results. 

So how are you spending your time?  If we are a Pareto Principle statistic meaning 80% of our results are coming from 20% of our time, then we are not doing good enough!   We can do better, we owe it to ourselves!!  Each day is a blessing and an opportunity to be better.  Break the Pareto Principle trend and find ways to invest more time in those activities that lead to success.  It won’t always be easy, but I believe it will be well worth it when all is said and done.

Dealing with Challenges and Carrying a Load

I recently heard a story spoken by David A. Bednar about a man who drove his truck in to the woods to cut firewood.  As he drove further and further in to the mountains he eventually became stuck in the deep snow.  Despite his efforts, he could not free his vehicle from being stuck so without much else to do, he began to cut firewood.  After loading the back of his truck with firewood he again decided to give it one last try to free the stuck car.  To his surprise, the tires got traction and he was able to get back on the road and eventually arrived home safely.

This story illustrate some important points that can be helpful when applying it to our lives.  First, it was the load in the back of the truck that provided the traction to get back on the road and return home.  Often times in life we are faced with struggles and challenges that represent our load in the back of our trucks.  Though difficult as they may seem, they can help shape us and guide us as a person.  This load can provide the traction we need to stay the course and continue on the path that will lead us to success in life. 

Second, without the load the truck was stuck.  Likewise, without challenges and difficulties we can be stuck in life.  It is often the most difficult things in life that help build our character and make us strong.  Whether we want it or are ready for it or not, each of us will have to face challenges.  Without difficulties we would never be able to test our character, challenge our beliefs, and overcome difficulties.  We’d never be able to move forward and become the person we are capable of becoming.  The difficulties we face prevent us from getting stuck and each of us will inevitably have to carry a load.

Third, when the man was stuck, he went to work.  He moved forward with his plan and took action.  He choose to do something.  Likewise, when we feel stuck we just need to believe in ourselves and move forward.  By doing so we will eventually encounter the load we need to help us gain traction and move down the road to our goals. 

Finally, the load can steer us in the right direction.  Sometimes our priorities and desires in life get hijacked by unimportant things.  The load can often provide the awakening and prospective we need to put our life back on track, our priorities back in order, and our focus on what we really want out of life.  Without the load we’d often be stuck like the truck or even be driving down dead ends.  Our challenges help us stay centered on what really matters and is most important.    

In conclusion, life is hard.  Its unpredictable and unexpected challenges can rock us and cause us to want to give up or give in.  However if we change our perspective and remember this story, we can view our challenges as our greatest blessings.  Believing that our load will give us the traction and perspective we need to get home will help propel us toward satisfaction and success in life.        

Becoming a Skilled Communicator - Clever Stories

Clever Stories are fictional stories we create in our minds often to try and understand the world around us.  We all tell ourselves clever stories every day and when we do, it often leads to trouble.  In fact, clever stories lead to much of the miscommunication, anger, problems, and heart-ache in the world.  The sad truth is, all of this could be avoided if we would only learn to ditch the clever stories we tell ourselves. 

This idea or principle is taught in the book Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. 

Now, let’s look at an example.  A friend of ours says to us “I think your daughter would benefit from tutoring.”  How do we react to such a comment?  What are we supposed to think? 

We may think well my friend thinks my daughter is dumb and that I am not a good mother.  We may think, how dare she say such a thing when her son is the one who was held back a grade and really needs the tutoring.  We may think, she is so insensitive, doesn’t she realize how hard I am working with my daughter.  Or we may think, really, this is just another way to bring me down after all I’ve been through lately. 

Whatever we tell ourselves or whatever assumptions we make about the comment is our clever story.  Rather than trying to understand the true intent of what the person is meaning or where they are coming from, we create clever stories that build unnecessary wedges in our relationships.  Perhaps the truth in this scenario is her son who was struggling really benefited from tutoring and enjoyed it.  She thought your daughter would enjoy it too and felt it might simply be another way for your exceptional daughter, who she believes is capable of getting in to Harvard, to have another leg up in her learning.  Unfortunately, because of the clever stories we tell ourselves, we never find out the truth. 

Let’s give another simple example.  Let’s say our boss at work says to us “I need your report by 4pm today because last week I didn’t get it until after 5.”  I’m sure you can imagine the clever stories that we can tell ourselves after hearing this comment.  The truth is however that we really don’t know why our boss made the comment until we seek understanding.  Rather than jumping to conclusions and making assumptions we should try to find out what the true intent and meaning was behind our boss’ comment.        

Can you see how clever stories can cause problems…and not just little ones?!  And unfortunately we all tell ourselves or create clever stories each day.  We create meaning and intent that only exists in our own mind.  Seems sort of crazy, doesn’t it.  No wonder there is so much miscommunication and frustration in our world.    

Now you may be saying, hey my clever stories are usually spot on.  If you think that is true you are honestly fooling yourself.  Even the best and most skilled among us can rarely decipher the intent, purpose, and meaning behind others comments consistently.  Instead, it takes the ability to free ourselves of clever stories in order to get to the true intent or meaning of what someone is saying.  The best at knowing the truth are those who do not use clever stories.  So, when we feel a clever story formulating we need to stop it and remain open to learning the truth or what the person is actually meaning or intending to mean by what they are saying.    

Now what if the intent really is malicious?  You may discover at times this is true.  But if you’ve remained cool and avoided telling yourself clever stories you will know that what you have is the truth rather than just assuming, judging, or jumping to incorrect conclusions.  In my experience I’ve learned 99% of the time the communicators intent is far different or less severe or malicious than the clever stories I end up telling myself.  For this reason I try to avoid them. 

This principle is an important and powerful one and will help us all as we strive to foster relationships with others.  If we can learn it and apply it, we will be leaps and bounds ahead of the majority of the population in our abilities to communicate and work with others.  And learning to communicate effectively is so key to our life’s success.  Let’s strive to eliminate our clever stories.      

An Unexpected Trait Great Leaders Possess

I recently heard an intriguing TED talk by Brene Brown.  Her speech was on vulnerability.  Though I won’t even attempt to dab into all of the research and meaning she provides, I do think some of her points are interesting and worth sharing in terms of helping us to become more capable, more successful leaders. 

So vulnerability….  Traditionally we probably would never list vulnerability as an important characteristic of a leader.  However after listening to the TED talk and thinking about the great leaders I know, I want to suggest that the greatest leaders, the most successful leaders are vulnerable.

To me vulnerability means someone who is not perfect and willing to let it show and be known.  They have the courage to be who they really are at all times.  The let both the good and the bad show.  Vulnerable leaders do not possess a “know-it-all” attitude but instead willingly admit they need help and support from others to achieve their goals.  For most of us, this idea of vulnerability probably sounds so counterintuitive to what we traditionally believe how a good leader should be yet showing this willingness to be authentic eliminates the façade and ego that so often creates an impenetrable chasm between leaders and those they lead.  And this chasm or disconnection prevents leaders and teams from gaining the highest levels of success.      

As the TED speaker suggests, what vulnerability will do for a leader is it will allow them to truly connect with those they lead.  When leaders make a true connection, they establish a relationship of trust which in turn creates a high level of commitment, support, and loyalty through a deep sense of belonging.  Vulnerability essentially puts leaders on an even playing field with those they lead which empowers followers to uphold and support the leader’s vision wholeheartedly—as it quickly becomes their vision.

To me, vulnerability is much like the humility we read about in Jim Collins book Good to Great which Level 5 leaders possess.  Leaders that have this unique level of humility or this willingness to be vulnerable are uncommon yet it often is the key to truly becoming a great leader.   

Perhaps the best result from a leader being vulnerable is that it encourages others to be vulnerable as well which further enhances teamwork, connection, camaraderie, and belonging among the group.  When a team is vulnerable with one another it removes huge common roadblocks to success such as blame, fear, egos, and distrust.      

Vulnerable leaders give their team the gift of connection which in turn gives the team meaning, security, and purpose.  As we strive to be the best leaders we can be, we will see vulnerability as an asset that will enhance our leadership capabilities rather than the opposite.  I believe there is power in vulnerability that cannot be found in any other way and the greatest leaders and team builders find a way to tap in to this power in order to achieve unimaginable even historic results.