One Sure Fire Way to Beat Anxiety

Burntham Rewind, originally posted 1/15/2008

Today’s message is simple and sweet and it is that the one sure fire way to overcome fear and beat anxiety is by facing it head on.

During the past two days, I’ve participated in extremely intense executive meetings with a very formal group of well-educated, experienced, and talented executives. Two weeks ago I was given an option to give two presentations to this group who I knew would view my topics as very threatening and controversial as they were very sensitive issues within the company. To this point, no one had ever dared to formally address these issues. Though extremely nervous about the daunting task at hand, I accepted the challenge and I could not be happier with that decision. Now that the meetings have concluded, I have an incredible sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction because I embraced my nervousness and overcame my fear.

Facing fears in our lives seems to instantly give us a huge boost to our self-esteem and confidence. And though things went well for me during these meetings, even if the outcome had not been favorable, I know I would still feel good for overcoming my anxiety toward the task.  Additionally, doing a task we are anxious about makes it so much easier to face and overcome it again in the future. I’ve come to the conclusion that managing anxiety in many cases is a choice, and we can allow it to paralyze us or we can use it as a positive force to pump us up and perform at our best.

Changing our outlook on anxiety, nervousness, and fear is key! Nearly always, anxiety is referred to as a negative emotion.  I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be as anxiety in many instances can be controlled and can even help us to reach our highest levels of potential.  If we are determined, I know we can channel our anxiety for good.

Viewing anxiety for what it is, and discovering we can use it to help us meet and overcome our fears can pay big dividends in our life and lead us toward success.  So what are we waiting for, let’s face our fears today and live our life to its fullest! We can turn our fears into positive energy that will propel us to new heights.

Spiral-down Talk

Too often we participate in “spiral-down” talk.  This is talk that adds no value and does little to make any sort of positive contribute.  Spiral-down talk is negative in nature and can quickly grow or spiral down to a place we never wanted to go.  It spreads like wild-fire jumping from person to person and can be attractive and addicting if we are not careful.   

Often this talk starts with one simple negative comment which then leads to another, and another, and another and before we know it we’ve wasted a lot of time and energy on nothing worthwhile.  For this reason we must be mindful of our talk and make sure we are never participating in the spiral down kind.  We can squelch spiral down talk by recognizing it and changing the way we are talking.    

Spiral-down talk limits possibility, options, opinions, and hope.  Spiral-down talk can ruin attitudes, moods, friendships, relationships, appetites, motivation, good feelings, happiness, contentment, peace and many, many more things.  Overall spiral-down talk is generally selfish and lazy as it can negatively impact those around us while providing zero solutions or positive contributions. 

Sometimes it is easy and obvious to recognize spiral-down talk and sometimes it is harder.  Being vigilant and asking ourselves, does what I just said or what I just heard add to my possibilities or limit them, can help us identify it.  If we find we are trapped in a spiral down talk web we can get out by simply changing what we are saying and by viewing things in a new or different way.

Spiral-down talk takes its toll on each of us every day.  Though it is not easy, we can work to avoid and eliminate it from our lives by thinking differently, in a positive way, and finding possibilities in all situations of life.  Doing this will add value, make a contribution, and have a meaningful impact on our life.              

Become a 100%er

My message for today’s blog is simply this, we are 100% responsible for our lives.  We can’t blame the weather or the economy or our family or the government for how things are turning out for us.  Life is full of decisions that we make every day.  And we make these decisions of our own free-will and choice without force or inducement.  Therefore we can take 100% accountability for what happens in our lives.

Though it can be frightening to accept 100% responsibility for our lives it also becomes completely liberating as we are no longer controlled or left to the mercy of outside influences and factors.  Our fate becomes completely ours to own and create.  Our reality becomes an endless path of hope and possibility.    

Sadly, playing the blame game seems more popular and prevalent today in our society than ever before and it is taking its toll on us through unnecessary stress, worry, and depression.  Blaming other people or things rather than owning up to what has happened in our life, or who we have become, keeps us trapped in a hopeless cycle.  Blame holds us back from becoming who we want and ought to become.    

Instead, when we take full responsibility for our part in whatever may happen to us, our life is filled with possibility and peace.  We learn to accept that when bad things happen, we don’t have to place blame but can simply see our part in it and let it go.  Truly taking 100% accountability for our results will change our life and help us become our best selves.

Giving Someone an "A"

Recently I’ve been involved in a leadership conference where I had the opportunity to present on a number of topics including team building, motivation, and organizational culture.  As I conversed with participants at the conference I couldn’t help but notice how quickly it seems we all tend to judge others and label them.  As I thought about the “labels” I frequently give to others and how I derive at such conclusions, I realized that in many instances, the smallest most inconsequential things many times leads to my assumptions. 

The problem with this is once we label someone, if we are their leader or parent or teacher, often the person begins to live up to our expectation.  If we say they are sloppy, then often they tend to be sloppy.    Not only this but once we’ve given a “label”, we tend to look for evidence to reinforce what we believe.  Thus in this scenario we would look for ways this individual is sloppy.  All of this ties in to the principle of what we dwell on expands.       

In our society, competition is fierce and I believe this is part of the reason we are quick to judge and quick to correct.  Rather than focus on all the good traits or characteristics of an individual we focus on the one or two things that need improvement and we speak up on these things. 

I’ve learned throughout my career in leadership that what we tell people they can or can’t do often comes true.  Therefore if we can see people with a new set of eyes and change our programmed mind to focus on the good and emphasis that, rather than the bad, our results will grow and improve.  Having someone, especially a leader, teacher, or loved one believe in you goes a long way in helping build self-esteem and success.  Thus as leaders we need to be careful and never underestimate or devalue the affect our words and “labels” have on those we lead. 

In the “Art of Possibility” by Rosamund & Benjamin Zander challenge leaders to “give everyone an A”.  Rather than assuming someone is a “C” or an “F” they offer that we should give everyone an “A” and treat them as such—as “A” students.  They explain that by doing this, our ability to see the good and potential in someone expands immensely along with that person’s own personal belief in self and in their abilities to perform. 

As leaders, parents, teachers, do we need to take a new view at others?  Let’s see the good in people, assume the best, and don’t make assumptions unless we are giving someone an “A”.  When we give people praise and set a positive vision for what they can become, we will be surprised by what happens.  Rather than focusing on things that need correction, let’s focus on the good that exists and the potential in all of us to be awesome.  By doing this we will be much better, more effective leaders in all walks and responsibilities in life.