An Older Brother's Gift

I thought this Christmas story was touching and appropriate for this special time of year. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!!

By Ada Foy
It was the Christmas season of 1994. Nine-year-old Jaron and his six-year-old brother, Parker, were excited. They had entered a reading contest sponsored by a grocery store in their hometown. The two students who read the most books would each win a brand-new bicycle. All they had to do was have their parents and teachers sign for each book they read. Two bikes were to be awarded, one for the first-to-third-grade levels, and one for the fourth-to-sixth-grade levels.

Parker was especially excited because this was a way for him to earn a bike. He really wanted one. He was tired of watching his older brother ride around on the new purple ten-speed bike he had earned by working at a yard sale. Parker thought that it would be great to earn a bike of his own by reading books. So he started to read books as fast as he could. He read Curious George, Green Eggs and Ham, and Brown Bear, Brown Bear. But no matter how many books he read, someone in his grade level had read more.

Meanwhile, Jaron had not been all that enthusiastic about the contest. When he went to the grocery store and checked the big chart with all the readers listed and how many books each had read, however, he could see that his younger brother had little chance of winning the contest.

Touched with the true meaning of Christmas, the joy of giving, he decided to do for Parker what he could not do for himself. So Jaron put away his own bike and, library card in hand, went to work. He read and read. He read when he wanted to ride his bike. He read as much as eight hours a day. The thrill of perhaps having such a wonderful gift to give kept him going.

The day came when the final lists were to be turned in. Jaron’s mother took him to the store, and he turned in his list, then admired the prize-winners bikes on display.

The store manager watched him admire the shiny red twenty-inch bike. “I suppose that if you win the contest,” the manager said, “you’ll want the larger bike, won’t you?”
Jaron looked up at the man’s smiling face and said very seriously, “Oh, no sir. I would like one exactly this size.”

“But isn’t this bike too small for you?”

“No sir—I want to win it for my little brother.”

The man was surprised. He turned to Jaron’s mother and said, “This is the best Christmas story I’ve heard all year!”

Jaron’s mother hadn’t known that he had worked so hard for his little brother. She looked at Jaron with great pride and joy as they went home to await the contest results.

Finally the phone call came! By reading 280 books, Jaron had won! With his parents’ help, he hid the bicycle in his grandma’s basement until Christmas Eve. He could hardly wait to give Parker his gift!

On Christmas Eve, the whole family gathered at Grandma’s home for a special family home evening. Mother told the story of Heavenly Father’s gift to the world of His Son Jesus Christ. Then she told the story of another older brother’s love. Although it wasn’t the great sacrifice the Savior has made for each of us, she said, it was a sacrifice, and it showed how much the older brother loved his younger brother. Parker and his family listened to the story of a brother who had read 280 books to win his little brother a bike.

“My big brother would do something like that for me,” Parker said.

At that, Jaron ran to the other room, where Grandma had moved the bike. The rest of the family proudly grinned while he wheeled out the two-wheeled treasure he had earned for his younger brother. Parker ran over to the bike, and the brothers hugged over the top of it.

To Be or Not to Be is a Very Good Question

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
Unknown

Many of my blogs focus on action and on doing something. As important as action is, there is something even more significant than doing and that is being. We can do all the things in the world but if that does not lead us to “be” someone good, than none of it really matters. Our way of being is even more important than what we do.

A lot of what we become does depend on what we do. However often times we “do” with the wrong the attitude and wrong heart. For example, this Christmas I may decide to donate my pay check to the Salvation Army. This would be fantastic however if my motivate is simply to get a tax write off, be recognized in the local paper, and avoid Christmas shopping for others, than perhaps I am not being as generous as I may appear. And thus I will not receive the full benefits of my action. Our state of being is so critical to our success.

So simply doing good with strings attached is good but simply doing good for goodness sake is grand. At times it may behoove each of us to reflect on our actions and determine our motivation behind them. Are we serving others because we truly care about their well-being? Are we smiling to brighten others day? Are we giving of our time because we know how much it may help others? Assessing our motivates behind our actions can help us know if we are truly becoming who we want to be.

The sad truth is that many of us can do a lot of good things without becoming good people. We may profess to be generous, kind, thoughtful, etc. and play the part well in the public eye but when left alone we may behave just the opposite. What we do when we believe no one is watching is a big indicator of what we have become.

I believe most of us have a desire to become good people. Who we are is often determined by our sincere actions and desires. I hope during this time of year that we will strive to “be” rather than simply do, that we will focus on becoming who we want to be rather than achieving what we want to do. I believe doing this will lead to great happiness, success, and satisfaction in life.

The Power of Positive Thinking

One day, not too long ago, I saw a stack of old books that had been donated to my place of work. One of the titles of the books caught my eye so I immediately picked it up and began reading it. The book was written in 1963 and is called “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Peale. I found that the book was full of wonderful insights and great truths that if applied will help us be more successful leaders and more successful people. Below are three of the main themes found in the book.

#1 Thoughts are Power

Based on the title of the book it is pretty obvious that this is the main theme. Throughout the book the author explains that our thoughts determine who we are, our outcomes in life, our happiness, and our ability to be successful. Controlling our thoughts is such an important practice in our life and too many of us allow our thoughts to hold us back or even sometimes to destroy us. Thus we must become masters of our minds and control what we think about. The author states, “Our happiness or unhappiness depends to an important degree upon the habit of mind we cultivate.” Thus being happy, being successful, and being content starts in our mind. For how we think is what we are. For this reason there is true power in positive thinking.

#2 What we Believe, we Achieve

If you are a fan of the "The Secret", then you will be a fan of this book because the author stresses over and over again how what we picture in our mind becomes our reality. In essence, we create our own reality by the mental pictures we hold on to and by the desires we have. The author states, “When either failure or success is picturized it strongly tends to actualize” and “what the mind profoundly expects, it tends to receive.” The author also refers to this as “imagineering”—for what we imagine in our mind can ultimately become reality. Our vision, and our ability to believe leads to our ability to achieve.

#3 Make Relationships a Priority

We were not meant to come to this world and be alone. Personal achievement is great but helping others achieve greatness is even better. The author stresses that relationships are important and that good, healthy relationship is a desire each one of us has whether we admit to it or not. Learning to get along with others, serve others, and help others leads to success and happiness for us. The author noted that as we help others, others in-turn help us. It is nearly impossible to help someone else without helping ourselves. The author frankly encourages his readers to “Love others and forget yourself” and when we do, we will find the joy in life we are searching for.

I believe there is true power in positive thinking as the title of this book suggests and I believe some of the main points in this book can have a profound influence on each of us for good. By controlling our thoughts, picturing our desires, and caring for others we will find a recipe to realizing our goals and living our dreams.

To see how I ranked this book, click here.

Unleash the Power of Gratitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than success, than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.”

Chuck Swindoll

It’s Thanksgiving!! So let me tell you about the power of gratitude. It has been said that our attitude is everything and I believe it is true because in a lot of ways our attitude controls our thoughts that leads to our actions that determines our destiny. And our gratitude has a tremendous ability to improve our attitude.

This November I decided to put it to the test. On Novemeber 1st I began creating a gratitude list. I did this by waking up each morning and writing down five things I am grateful for. Each new day I’d add five new things to the list and watched it grow. Today I have 120 things I am grateful for written down. And it has been amazing how thinking about my blessings changes how I am feeling. I’ve learned from personal experience that gratitude has a significant impact on my attitude and that it greatly improves it without fail.

I believe all of us, no matter how appreciative and sincere we are, take things for granted. It is just our nature to overlook all the good in our lives and all the good that surrounds us and instead focus on the few things that are bad. When we change this though, by expressing true gratitude, our vision expands, our paradigm shifts and our world improves. It seems funny that simply expressing gratitude changes our world!!

If you don’t believe this can be possible give it a try. I challenge you to express more gratitude, reflect on the good that surrounds you, and be more appreciative toward others. This Thanksgiving Holiday, I dare you to take some time to share some true thankfulness just to see how it feels. And I hope that this will lead you to develop a pattern of gratitude that will help you be more successful and more satisfied in life. Unleash the power of gratitude! Happy Thanksgiving!!

It is What it is...Rather it Was What it Was

“It is what is it…until I change it!”

Whether at work, or at home, or just about anywhere, a very common phrase that I often hear repeated is “It is what it is.” Though used for different reasons in different situations, saying this phrase demonstrates a lack mentality as well as an inability to shape our world. It can imply that there is nothing we can do or could have done about our circumstance or situation and therefore we must settle and learn to deal with “what it is.” I am here to write today that it may be currently “what it is” but that we do not have to accept it—because we have the power within us to change it.

The other day I used this phrase when the results came back from a certain project at work. Though not horrible, the results were less than I was hoping for. After saying this phrase I realized that so much more could have been done to prevent the less than stellar results. I also realized that I did not have to accept these result moving forward and that I could now learn from my mistakes to ensure future results for future projects were improved.

To illustrate another story, recently a friend of mine hoping to receive a promotion at work used this phrase when he failed to gain what he had hoped for. In a state of futility he said it with a look of defeat. I encouraged him not to give up, though at this point he seems to be content with settling with the fate that has been handed him. When we take this approach it may truly remain “what it is,” we need to realize though that it doesn’t have to.

In all honesty I am guilty of using this phrase too often. However, I am now adding to it when I say it. Instead of simply saying the phrase I always add “it is what it is for now but that doesn’t mean I can’t change it!” This builds in my mind the understanding that things can change and that I can shape my own results and outcomes in life. I do not have to settle or accept things I am not satisfied with in my life.

In my experience it often is what it is over a long period of time for two reasons. First, we lack the determination and patience it requires to change “what it is” and second, we lack the confidence that it can be done. One or both of these two things hold us back and truly make it “what it is” for us. But again, we do not have to allow “what it is” to be permanent. Though it may take time and effort to realize our dreams, with a steady focus and determination, knowing we have the ability to accomplish anything we put our mind to, we can eventually always change “what it is.”

One of the simple joys in life is moving this phrase from the present to the past. Through confidence, hard work and sometimes patience, we can change It is what it is to It was what it was until I changed it. The power is within us to achieve our goals and to not settle for anything less.

Time to Give

“When we help someone climb a mountain, we are nearer to the top ourselves.”
Thomas Monson

One of the greatest secrets in life is the success and happiness that comes from helping others. Giving of our self unconditionally magically creates self-confidence, self-worth, and gratification. It also leads to greater success in life. Simply giving however is not the secret rather it is the way we give that matters.

Many of us give with the idea that we will get something in return. In fact, many give only because they expect something in return. Giving with “strings attached” can create ill feelings—feelings that are exactly opposite of what is normally produced when giving in the right way. Strings attached giving can lead to worry, fear, or anger. We may worry, what if I don’t get the return I expected or what if the clear benefit really doesn’t justify the amount I am giving. When we give with strings attached, we lose the chance to gain the wonderful blessing that come from giving. In fact giving with strings attached creates a lack mentality in our minds which usually leads to unnecessary stress.

On the other hand, when we give unconditionally we enjoy feelings of abundance. These feelings help us feel good about the world, they increase our belief in ourselves, and they make us want to give more. In fact, studies have proven that giving in the right way leads to greater success. I’ve found that giving unconditionally boosts confidence as well as a desire to succeed. It helps us to be optimistic, to feel satisfaction, and gives us a sense of making a “difference” in this world. Though somewhat counterintuitive giving of ourselves freely actually helps us have greater results. For when we give in the right way the good it produces in us always outweighs the sacrifice and effort it took to give.

So, are we giving and helping others? And if so is it with “strings attached” or unconditional? Learning to give in the right way will only help us in the end in achieving our goals and realizing the happiness we seek in life. That is why for us there should always be time to give. Because giving leads to success.

The 80/20 Rule

Learning to use our time wisely can be one of the most critical habits we develop in order to obtain success and happiness in life. It has been said that 80% or our results in life are attributed to only 20% of what we do. In other words, 80% of our time is essentially wasted or not fully capitalized to achieve success. So what are we doing that is hindering us from producing greater results in life? What do we do with the 80% of our time that is not producing results? Finding this out and then changing what we do with it will help us achieve much greater results in life.

Time is an interesting commodity. Each of us has the same amount of it in a day regardless of our background, wealth, education level, social status, etc. Because of this, time can be a great equalizer. Time can be wasted or invested; it can be savored or squandered. Once time is spent, it can never be taken back or reused. How we spend our time determines our outcomes in life. Thus, it is a shame how many of us willfully waste it. Treating time as a precious gift—for that is exactly what it is—will lead us to greater success.

On the radio we hear songs that encourage us to “live like we were dying.” In other words, the singer of the song is prompting us to fully utilize our time as we don’t really know how much of it we have left. Would you spend your time differently if you only had one year to live? What about one month, or week, or day? With this knowledge, I bet just about each of us would spend our time differently than we do today. Thus, this is good advice. If each of us could spend our time with a sense of urgency, realizing at any moment that our time may be up, we would be much better off.

One simple yet important step to take in order to better use our time is to identify how we spend it. Many of us hardly realize how much time we commit to different
things. Literally keeping a log or writing down or tracking how we spend our time for even a few days can reveal some important clues as to how we can more effectively utilize this valuable gift. As we participate in this exercise, we may be surprised to learn what we are in actuality dedicating our time to is different than what we thought or assumed. Having this knowledge will then help us to change and focus on those things that will help us improve our performance and on those things that matter most.

As a simple side note, I’ve observed that more and more often many of us are distracted by the shimmer of today’s entertainment , media, and technology that we waste countless time on things that produce no results or provide any sense of accomplishment or satisfaction in life. Learning to cut out such distractions and eliminating wasted time, though difficult, will only result in better success in life.

Besides identifying the time we are wasting we also need to learn the “20%” that is accomplishing 80% of our results. What are the most effective ways we spend our time? Once we figure out this secret, which hopefully is fairly easy to recognize once we start paying attention, we must start spending more time doing those things. For those who learn to utilize their precious time effectively eventually will come out on top.

So how do you spend your time? Do you truly know? Is 20% of what you are doing really producing 80% of your results? Finding ways to more effectively use your time will produce greater success and satisfaction in life.

What do we Desire?

“What we insistently desire, overtime, is what we will eventually become and receive.”
Dallin Oaks

A few months ago I listened to a talk about desire. Our desires in life are so important to our success because they motivate what we do and who we become. When we have appropriate desires, they can lead us to success and happiness in life. Likewise, when our greatest desires are not good things or are not inline with what is truly most important in our lives, they will lead us to failure and misery in life.

Desires determine our priorities in life which ultimately lead to our actions and how we spend our time. Our actions and how we spend our time eventually dictates who we become and what we achieve in life. Therefore, we must be careful in what we most strongly desire. Are the things that matter most to us in life at the top of our list of desires?

For example, I believe for many of us our families are very important. If that is the case, is one of our greatest desires in life to have a happy family? If so, what are we willing to give up or sacrifice to obtain it? If our family is truly important to us, our desire to strengthen our family relationships should be sufficiently intense to motivate us to free ourselves from any habit, attitude, or action that will impede our ability to obtain this desire. Indeed, our greatest desires in life will provoke us to sacrifice and give up other things in order to obtain them.

Perhaps we need to readjust our desires. Doing so is not easy but possible. True desires that will motivate us to change cannot be impulsive, temporary, or superficial but must burn deep in our hearts. Changing our desires requires true commitment, effort, and work. As the desires we are trying to put in the forefront of our lives lead us to action, they will begin to take place deeper in our hearts. Having the strength and discipline to forgo strong but lesser wanted desires will help us change and be better people.

So what do we desire? Are our greatest desires those things that are most important to us in our life? We must be mindful of our desires as they will lead us to our success or failure in life.

5 Steps to Resolving Any Problem

Solving problems is an important part of everyday life. Those who develop an ability to solve problems quickly and effectively will enjoy more success and satisfaction in life. Below is a list of ideas to help us solve the most difficult problems we face.

#1—Believe Every Problem Has a Solution

In order for us to solve problems, we must believe a solution is possible and that we can overcome it no matter what the problem may be. Without this belief, our ability to effectively and consistently solve problems disappears. Thus, we must believe in a solution as well as in ourselves.

#2—Clear Our Mind and Remain Calm

Too many people can’t solve problems because they are stressed out. Stress decreases our ability to think clearly and effectively. Removing stress by remaining calm and clearing our mind will allow us the greatest opportunity to solve our problems successfully.

I’ve learned two effective ways to help me clear my mind and remain calm. First is writing things down. Writing down the problem on paper gets the problem out of my mind and on to paper. This simple act helps make my mind more clear. I then write down any and every possible solution. This has brought great clarity and calmness to me in difficult situations. Second, I’ve found for me that exercising helps me to think clearly and remain calm. When my body is working hard, my mind becomes free. Finding effective ways to clear your mind and remain calm will greatly enhance our ability to solve problems effectively.

#3—Remove Emotions

Many of our problems are “self-created.” When we remove our emotions from the problems we can more easily see them for what they are. Removing our emotions from the situation will allow us to review the facts impartially and sensibly and will help us best determine how to resolve them.

#4—Be Patient

Solutions don’t always come right away and problems don’t necessarily need to be resolved immediately. Being patient when dealing with a difficult problem often times can be a major key to success. In fact, some problems seem to simply fade away or become resolved with time. Though difficult, learning to be patient with our problems often leads to success.

#5—Seek Help

Sometimes we avoid seeking help for our problems but the truth is, someone who is impartial and can have a different perspective can be a tremendous help in resolving our problems. In fact, perhaps another person has faced a similar problem and can share their experiences of how they overcame it. We should never be afraid or hesitant in seeking help to solve our problems because an “outsiders” view many times can be exactly what we need to solve it.

Learning to effectively handle and resolve problems is so critical to success in life. We all face problems but believing every problem has a solution, clearing our minds and remaining clam, removing our emotions from the situation, being patient, and seeking help from others will help us effectively and consistently overcome them.

Eat the Frog First

Have you ever been told to eat the frog first? Well that is what I am going to tell you today. Every day, we should live by the philosophy of eating the frog first.

The frog represents the hardest thing we have to do for that day. Whether it is run 5 miles to reach our exercise goal, call our boss to tell him a mistake we made at work, clean out the gutters at home, write a speech for an upcoming event, or apologize to a friend, we should always eat our frog first. Do not procrastinate it, do not delay!!

When we learn to do the most difficult thing for the day first, everything else becomes so much easier. Many people live with unnecessary worry or stress because they delay the inevitable and when they do, they voluntarily subject themselves to personal torture as they agonize over “eating the frog.” Nothing can be worse than eating a frog we have to eat except delaying and waiting and letting it ruin our whole day first before eating it! So much energy and enthusiasm for life is sucked away by us waiting to eat our frogs each day.

It is never fun to eat frogs but when we do, relief and liberation come instantly in to our life. And on some days we have many frogs to eat. On those days, we would be wise to eat the biggest and ugliest first. Once that one is out of the way, the others do not seem quite as bad. We should continue to go down the line until all the frogs are eaten. And once all the frogs are gone we can then go about our day feeling good that the hard things are over with. This will allow us to concentrate so much better and optimize the remainder of our day.

Thus we must rid ourselves of unnecessary worry and stress by eating our frog first every day. When we learn to do this, we can quickly overcome fears and perform at higher levels for the remainder of the day. Though eating frogs first is not easy, getting it out of the way for the day will help us to be better leaders and will help us more fully reach our potential. Buena petit!!

Where is Your Heart?

“Our failure is not because of a lack of ability but most often because of a lack of conviction. Don’t be afraid to put your whole heart in to something you want to achieve.”

Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to accomplish those things that you desire most in life? Many times we blame our failure at reaching our goals on our lack of ability. We think I am just not talented enough, or smart enough, or lucky enough to attain what I’d like to achieve in life. The truth is however that most often we do not lack the ability to accomplish our goals, rather we lack the conviction to realize them.

Faith in oneself is so critical to success in life. In fact half the battle in accomplishing our goals and dreams is simply believing that we can. Until we believe, and I mean truly believe, most likely it will never happen. Without a true belief in ourselves, it becomes difficult for us to throw our whole heart into what we are doing. And accomplishing something great nearly always requires our whole heart and energy.

Sometimes we fail to believe or to throw our whole heart in to something because of fear. We fear we might fail. By not putting our whole heart in to something we retain the ability to have excuses when we don’t attain our goal. It becomes so much easier for us to deal with failure by saying ‘oh it wasn’t really that big of a deal’, or ‘I didn’t really try’ or ‘I didn’t want it to interfere with other things in my life.’ Making these kinds of excuses and failing to put our whole heart in to whatever we are trying to accomplish however leaves us empty and unsatisfied. And in the worst cases, it can lead to depression. Thus we cannot afford not to put our whole heart in to what we are doing and even if we fail, we always feel much better about what we have done.

Most of us have goals and things we are trying to accomplish at home, at work, and elsewhere. Putting our whole heart and having true conviction for those things we are trying to accomplish in every aspect of our life makes things sweeter and more enjoyable. Like baking our favorite pie and then never eating it, working toward something without true conviction will leave us unfulfilled. Thus in everything we do, we owe it to ourselves and to others to put our whole heart in to it. And I’ve learned that when we work with conviction in one area of our life, it will help us have conviction and be more successful in other areas of our life. Give it a try.

Unfortunately it has been my experience in life that many people do not put their whole heart in to what they are involved in. And many make excuses as to why they do not but ultimately it is up to us to decide. Regardless of the excuses only we keep ourselves from applying our whole self in to what we are doing and denying ourselves of the satisfaction that comes with such effort. It has also been my experience that those who put their whole heart in to everything they do enjoy a much higher level of satisfaction and success in life.

Thus, we can’t blame our inability in accomplishing our goals on our lack of ability. Instead, we must measure our conviction when striving to achieve them. Do we truly want them? Is our heart in it? If not, than we need to evaluate what we are doing and either change courses so that we can work with conviction or stay the course with a determination to be committed to attaining our goals. I believe this simple truth can have a profound impact on our success in life.

Are you a Critic, Cheerleader, or Coach?

In life, each of us has the opportunity to positively or negatively impact the people around us through our actions and our “ways of being” toward them. I’ve determined that typically we fall into three categories of how we influence and interact with others. I’ve also learned that we can be in different categories at different times toward the same person based on the given situation and that we may be typically in one category toward one person, such as our spouse, and typically in another category toward another person, such as a friend. No category is necessarily good or bad as all can potentially be both simply based on the situation and how we handle ourselves. Learning to know when to be each one in dealing with different situations and different people is the tricky part but doing so effectively can lead to great success in building relationships and motivating others. Below are the categories we typically fall in to when influencing others.

The Critic

First is the critic. The critic is constantly finding what is wrong. He points out faults, is careful not to make mistakes himself or show any weaknesses, and he judges and makes assumptions often. The critic is often someone that seems a little distant or closed minded. The critic is often harsh, deflating, and usually seems to be in an unpleasant mood. The critic seems oblivious to any good. As you can guess, many people do not like being around the critic but the critic can challenge us to view ourselves honestly and help us improve. There may be times when we all need critics to be our best. If not careful, being the critic often can potentially have a very negative impact on others.

The Cheerleader

Second is the cheerleader. The cheerleader is constantly cheering others on. Unlike the critic, the cheerleader points out only the good and ignores the bad. The cheerleader is nearly always positive and can inspire us to be better. The cheerleader has a way of being positive regardless if things are going good or bad. It may come as a surprise but the cheerleader can have both a positive and negative affect on others based on the situation and person because at times the cheerleader can create a false sense of reality and impede us from facing the brutal facts. Most of us like the cheerleader and want to be around them and many of us can use cheerleaders to help us through difficult times.

The Coach

Third is the coach. The coach is honest, open, and rational. The coach sees the bad and wants to help correct it but he also applauds the good frequently. The coach sacrifices for the good of others, sometimes risking short-term gains, friendships, and moments for long-term results. At times a coach can be annoying and challenging to work with but in the end, the coach is usually well liked and respected. The coach most often has a positive impact on others but not always. The coach can drive people to great results while helping them to feel good about their accomplishments.

Which way of being are we most often toward others? How about towards those we care about most in life? Analyzing these three categories can help us in our relationships and in our ability to be better leaders. At times people may need a critic, at times a cheerleader and at times a coach. Learning to know how and when to effectively be all three at different times and in different situations will greatly help us to be excellent relationship builders and outstanding leaders. Good luck!

Burntham Rewind: Wickedly Successful

This blog was originally posted on Burntham.com March 24, 2010.

Recently while visiting New York I had the opportunity to attend the Broadway musical Wicked. The show was extremely entertaining and I loved it! One of the reasons I enjoyed it so much is because I feel there are a lot of important life lesson taught in the play. Today I would like to share four life lessons that can be learned from Wicked.

# 1 “Dancing Through Life”

One of the main characters in the show claims and encourages others to “dance through life.” Essentially what he means by this is that people should not worry about their actions or take anything in life seriously. In fact this character suggests that life is essentially pointless and believes the only way to live is to do whatever you feel like doing at any given moment. Unfortunately, I believe many in life retain this philosophy and fail to realize that living like this usually results in unhappiness and failure. Contrary to this characters belief, life has consequences. For this reason, we should be very conscious about our actions and decisions. Good decisions and actions lead to success and happiness where poor decisions and actions lead to failure and frustration. Further in the story, this character learns that what he once believed about life is not true, and he changes. He learns that life’s choices do have consequences and impact our results and happiness in life.

#2 “Accepting Limits”

At one point in the story the main character has an epiphany, and she realizes she had been limiting herself based on “societal boundaries” and what others told her she could and could not do. Many times we believe what society or others say about our abilities or possibilities as well, and thus we allow them to limit us—to prevent us from achieving greatness. Like this character, we must realize our future is “unlimited”, and we have the ability to achieve whatever we set our hearts to. Much like this character, we must come to believe in ourselves and realize we can “defy gravity” by accomplishing our dreams and goals. We can truly do amazing things when we overcome perceived limits or roadblocks that often only exist in our minds.

#3 “Be Careful What you Wish For”

Another character in the show receives presumably everything she ever wanted, yet she realizes there is still an emptiness inside or a lack of satisfaction. The reason is she selfishly went about obtaining the desires of her heart while disregarding all others. Thus, in the process of obtaining her number one objective, she sacrificed other things that were more important to her. Once she comes to this realization, she is very sorrowful and realizes perhaps her number one goal was not worth the cost. We can learn from her example by evaluating our goals to ensure they are inline with what is most important to us--so we don’t look back and regret what we sacrificed to obtain what we thought seemed important but really isn’t. We can also learn that although we can accomplish anything we set our heart to, it should never be at the expense of others. Finally, we can learn that to truly be successful and happy we must often put others first; and when we do, good things happen.

#4 “Things are Not as they Seem”

The overall lesson of this show is that things are not always as they seem. In the show, which is a spinoff from the Wizard of Oz, we learn that the supposed Wicked Witch of the West was not wicked at all, and that the “good” witch was not as good as perception would indicate. Thus, we can learn we must not be quick to assume or pass judgment; for often perception is not reality, and what we believe to be true may be just the opposite. Thus, we should learn that whenever possible we must be careful and strive to obtain facts before jumping to conclusions or passing harsh judgments on others unjustly. For often times, things are not as they seem.

Wicked is a great show with many great important life lessons that we can learn from. If we will strive to do more than simply dance through life, if we will believe our future is unlimited, if we will be careful of what we wish for, and if we will seek first to understand and not judge, our lives will be happier and we will be wickedly successful.

Burntham Rewind: Surviving and Thriving in Difficult Times

This blog was originally posted on Burntham.com November 26,2008.

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”
Ralph Emerson

With our economy in peril, unemployment rates rising, and war raging around the world, it is easy to understand why so many people find themselves in a state of shock, fear, and confusion. Feelings of despair and hopelessness can easily consume us and destroy us during difficult times if we allow them to. However, we do not need to be defeated during difficult times. In fact, we can choose to thrive! Really, the choice is ours.

During the most difficult and desperate times in our lives, rather than despair, we need to increase our hope by taking action and pressing forward. We must not allow despair and fear to cripple us to “in-action”, but instead we must take action! In fact, we can get excited during difficult times, because they present us with the greatest opportunities for personal growth and success. Having perseverance and hope during difficult times will help us to succeed even in the most perilous times of our lives.

Perseverance

The old adage of “press on” has never been more important to each of us. As leaders, we must keep our heads held high and move forward with quiet determination and perseverance in spite of what may be going on around us. Setting goals, nurturing our hope and confidence, and surrounding ourselves with a positive support group will help us to persevere. Those who are most persistent and have the will to take action time and time again despite difficult circumstances are those people who are most successful in life. Never giving up through perseverance is essential during times of difficulty.

Hope

There is reason to have hope as well. When times are tough it is time to grow. I recently read that in Chinese, the word “crisis” is written by using two characters that represent danger and opportunity. Difficult situations may be dangerous, but they present us with an opportunity to show our resolve and push ourselves to greater achievements. Just as “smooth seas do not make skillful sailors,” a life without challenges does not produce a great person. History is full of tough times and major setbacks, and it is also full of people who overcame extreme challenges to come out on top. Indeed, many people have made their mark on history by taking action during their most dire circumstances. Hope and action are critical to success during difficult times!

In the end, the personal problems we may be facing and the challenges of our country and our world are not a reason to fear and despair, but they are instead a call to action—a challenge to each of us to do better, to push ourselves, to try harder, work smarter, and be prepared. We must persevere and retain hope by taking action each day to better our situation. We must prove we’ve not given up or given in by our lack of action, but instead we must go and do! With hope, action, and perseverance, we will be able to ride out challenging times in our lives and come out better than ever before. The choice is ours!

Opportunity in Difficulty

“What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity.”
J. Sidlow Baxter

In life, each one of us is faced with challenges, trials, and hardships. None of us are immune. Thus, we have the opportunity to react to our troubles in one of two ways. We can become discouraged, upset, and resentful; or we can see them as an opportunity and strive to grow, learn, and become a stronger, better person. The choice is ours. Below are some thoughts on how we can best utilize our difficulties to our advantage.

Reflection

One way that I’ve learned to deal with challenges in my life is to always remember that no matter how bad it gets, there is always someone out there that has it harder than I do. When I think about that, it helps me to turn my attention to what I do have. This produces feelings of gratitude and thankfulness despite the hardship. Reflecting on what we do still have, even when we feel a difficulty has taken just about everything from us, will help us navigate troubled waters successfully.

Perspective

Having positive thoughts and viewing trials appropriately will go a long way in our ability to handle them successfully. Rather than asking “why me?” we should perhaps ask “why not me?” We can also say “I’m glad it is me and not my child, or spouse, or good friend.” Other positive thoughts that may help when dealing with difficulties in life are “this will make me stronger” and “what can I learn from this to make me a better person?” Having the right perspective and viewing trials as a necessary part of life will help us to overcome and come out on top.

Recollection

Trials are never new to us. The specific trial may be new, but trials themselves are not new. It can be helpful at times to think about all we’ve been able to overcome thus far in life. Remembering that we’ve made it through difficult times in the past will help us realize we do have the strength to proceed and carry on. Having faith in ourselves and recalling our success will better allow us to deal with present hardships.

Resolve

Determining in our mind before a difficulty ever hits that we will succeed no matter what, empowers us to more fully embrace and overcome hardships. When we have the resolve to come out victorious regardless of the troubles we face, it makes them a bit easier to endure. Please do not misunderstand though. Resolve does not mean that we won’t get discouraged, disappointed, or upset. What it does mean is that we will never give up. And determining we will never give up now before the trial comes prepares us for success. It is impossible for challenges to overtake us when we resolve to never give up.

Difficulties happen to each one of us. It simply is a fact of life and makes life extremely challenging. In fact our trials can either motivate us or crush us. Through reflection, perspective, recollection and resolve, we can conquer anything that comes our way. Learning to deal with difficulty and truly seeing it as an opportunity will help us to be successful in life.

Fighting Fatigue

One of the most common threats to our ability to reach our potential is fatigue. Exhaustion is part of life but did you know that much of our tiredness is brought on by ourselves? Most of us believe that we our tired because we haven’t gotten enough sleep, or that we’ve worked too long or hard. The truth is however that much of our fatigue today is not caused by over-exertion or lack of sleep, but rather by stress.

Stress leads to exhaustion and fatigue, and fatigue can make life miserable. When we worry or are frustrated, our body wastes energy—energy that could be used toward better causes. If we are able to eliminate or minimize fatigue, we will be much more likely to perform at our highest level, allowing us to be more successful in life. Below are a few simple tips on how to eliminate fatigue.

#1 Mind our Thoughts

One of the best ways to fight against fatigue is to control our thoughts. Thoughts of worry, frustration, anger, or hopelessness cause us to stress and can ware us out! If we can learn to fill our minds with positive thoughts of courage, peace, strength, and hope, our energy levels will naturally increase.

#2 Eat Right/Exercise

Eating right by participating in three balanced meals a day will go a long way in reducing stress. Many of us snack on unhealthy foods all day which reduces our energy levels. But if we try to eat balanced, regular meals our fatigue will diminish. Water is also an important element needed to boost energy. Likewise, exercise helps us reduce stress and fatigue as it can increase our energy levels and confidence. If we are unable to dedicate an hour a day to exercise, even simply marching in place or jumping up and down for a few minutes throughout the day will boost energy and increase oxygen to our brain.

#3 Change Scenery

Sometimes fatigue sets in when we are simply caught up in the mundane tasks of life or the “daily grind.” When we’ve spent several hours on a particular project, or find ourselves following the same routine day after day, we need to change it up. Whether it’s going outside to get a fresh breath of air, or enjoying a conversation with a longtime friend, taking a break and changing things up a bit will help us lift our excitement levels and slow down fatigue. Recognizing that we are feeling tired is a good clue that we need a quick change of pace; even it is just for a few minutes.

#4 Count our Blessings/Forget our Troubles

Similar to #1, if we can focus on appreciation and turn our attention away from our troubles we will greatly enhance our energy level. When we focus on the good in life, we naturally have a greater desire to work hard and put forth our best effort. Being grateful boosts energy and enthusiasm while worrying about all of our troubles causes stress and fatigue. Thus showing gratitude and being thankful will help us to reach our potential.

#5 Enjoy it

Finding a way to do something we enjoy every day can minimize fatigue. Hopefully each of us can find joy in our work but if we can’t, we need to dedicate some time each day to doing something fun. Again, this does not have to mean several hours but simply even fifteen minutes of “fun” can reduce our stress and fatigue.

Learning to eliminate and effectively handle fatigue is important part of our ability to be successful in life. Through controlling our thoughts, exercise and eating right, changing our scenery, being grateful, and enjoying life we can gain an edge by minimizing fatigue. When we learn to effectively deal with fatigue and limit it, we will more fully be able to reach our potential.

Pumping Water

“Hard work is not always fun, but it’s the price you must pay to be more successful.”
Rick Pitino

There once was a young girl who lived on a farm with her family and her chore each day was to milk the two cows on the farm. In order to do so, she had always been instructed by her good father to first pump water in to a basin for the cows to drink as she milked them. Though she loved drinking the creamy milk the cows produced, she absolutely hated pumping water!!

One day she protested to her father stating she didn’t understand why she had to pump water for the cows before milking them. Her father explained how in order to get the milk, she had to pump the water, otherwise the cows could become dehydrated and would stop producing milk. The father also explained how the water calmed the cows and helped them to be still so that she could more easily milk them. Though she did not like the idea, the young girl continued to pump the water before milking the cows.

Much like the young farm girl, we frequently in life want to get the milk without pumping the water. Somehow we believe that milk should flow to use with little effort. However I have learned in life that you have to pump the water to get the milk. The “pumping” or the preparation and hard work we put in to something produces the “milk” or results we desire. Without our pumping efforts, the milk will never come or will dry up quickly.

Sometimes milk may come without pumping water however when this happens, it is usually not as much as we’d like, or as creamy and sweet. I’ve learned that the best milk comes only after vigorously and consistently pumping the water.

In addition, though hard, annoying, and difficult at times, pumping water can and will bring great satisfaction in life when we have the right attitude. The ability to work is a blessing! Many people are not fortunate enough to have the ability or opportunity to work. Likewise, receiving milk without first working for it automatically diminishes its value—for those things we work most diligently for, are the things most dear to us.

Thus, much like the farm girl, we must pump the water to get the milk. When we do, we can be assured the milk will be so much more rewarding and satisfying.

All Things Become Possible

“You are the only problem you will ever have and you are the only solution.”
Bob Proctor

Recently I’ve been a part of a new project at work and I am always amazed by how we all almost subconsciously limit ourselves. Like always, our goal for the project is to make it the best we possibly can however there are many obstacles and challenges that stand in our way. Because of this, it becomes so easy for us to assume we can’t accomplish our objectives. And the interesting thing I’ve observed is that each member of the team seems to have different reasons why our goal for this project cannot be done. The truth is, we all have make-believe beliefs that impact our ability to see clearly, that give us excuses why things cannot be done, and that shape our vision and attitudes.

In life, for some reason, we seem conditioned to limit ourselves and to self-create roadblocks. We seem to compulsively believe we cannot. Instead of faith there is doubt, instead of action there is fear, and instead of passion there is reservation. The truth is however that so much is possible.

One major reason why this happens is because we betray ourselves. This happens when we fail to see that we are really the problem. Instead we blame others, make excuses, and look for the easy way out. We believe our perception is reality when in actuality we are shaped by our experiences and beliefs. And too often these experiences and beliefs create boundaries that do not exist.

So, in my project at work, each of us sees different reasons why our goal for the project cannot be done yet stepping back and viewing it from the outside I realize each of the obstacles can be overcome. So, how are limiting ourselves in our lives? What barriers have we created that simply do not exist? As we begin to tear down these beliefs, focus on our objectives, and push through our challenges, all things become possible.

Bee Vision

A couple months ago I read an article in an alumni magazine about a study on bees. It was discovered that a bee’s eyes were in the exact same shape of the honeycomb it produces. The author of the article pointed out that vision has a profound impact on actions.

With this in mind, what is our vision in life? What do we hope to accomplish, what do we want to do? Is our vision clear or murky? Do we believe we can do something great? Do we have the discipline to be truly committed to it? I’ve found in business and in life that those who have a clear vision are successful.

A vision is often a long-term goal of what we hope to become or accomplish. It is something that in the present seems a bit far-fetched or foolish but over time (maybe 10 years or maybe 50 years) with the right actions, can be achieved. It is the future we hope to create. And in my mind, anything is possible!

Like the bee, our vision will guide our actions. It will help direct us and lead us. A good vision will also inspire and motivate us. Our vision will shape us and make us become the type of people we want to become.

If we are committed to a vision in life, much like the bee, it will define our actions. Likewise, much like the bee and honeycomb, we must have a clear vision and when we do we can make it reality!

The Easy Life

Recently I heard a speaker mention that many of us have trouble dealing with the curse of an easy life. As I’ve contemplated on this concept I’ve determined that one of the top reasons why some people do not reach their full potential in life is because we have to deal with this curse, the curse of an easy life. That’s right, having an easy life can be a serious curse. In comparison to others, most of us are blessed and don’t want for basic necessities such as food to eat, clean water to drink, a place to sleep, or clothes to wear. When our basic necessities are so easily met and are far surpassed our drive to be our best dwindles.

An easy life can do a lot to impede us from reaching our full potential. Many of us do not fully push ourselves or extend ourselves because we are comfortable or perhaps don’t see the point. We have “enough” so we figure why bother? However, failing to stretch ourselves and reach our greatest potential does result in unnecessary hardships and stress as well as a lack of fulfillment, enjoyment, and satisfaction we could enjoy in this life. Settling, rather than achieving, limits our capability to be happy.

The easy life causes us to be lazy. Rather than working hard to better our situation, develop and learn new talents, and achieve goals, we oftentimes sit around and complain that life is hard and not fair. Hard work is always a necessary stepping stone to success and satisfaction.

A feeling of entitlement often comes into our hearts as a result of an easy life. We start to believe that people, the government, our family, our employer, or someone owes us something. We blame our problems on others and don’t take full ownership for our results. These feelings of entitlement often produce other negative feelings such as feeling disrespected, unappreciated, and used. The truth is, no one owes us anything and it is up to us to achieve whatever it is we hope to accomplish.

Finally, the curse of an easy life often destroys our creativity and resourcefulness. It is much harder to be motivated to be creative or resourceful or hardworking when things are pretty easy. Thus, our desire and ability to push and extend ourselves is diminished.

Therefore, we must find ways to overcome the curse of an easy life, to produce in ourselves a sense of discomfort and dissatisfaction that will create a sense of urgency that will inspire us to be more creative, more resourceful, more willing to sacrifice the present for the future. When we learn to do this, our ability to be successful and happy in life will be greatly enhanced and we will learn to live to our full potential.

Forging Lifes Chains

“We forge the chains we wear in life.”
Charles Dickens

I subscribe to a weekly email called the “Carnegie Success Connection Tip of the Week” and below is one I thoroughly enjoyed and felt I must share.

Embrace things in your life that drive you to achieve, and start letting go of those things that do not. It is difficult to distinguish the category in which any of your activities belong, but paying attention to your choices and their consequences will sponsor the awareness you'll need to make better life choices in the future. Although things that bring us happiness outside of work can be our greatest inspiration for professional success, often they are so simple, we cast them aside as inconsequential. Do not do this. Remember the small things that make you happy, and use them to battle things that loom much larger and stress you out. Consider these suggestions:
• Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, hope, and health
• Never try to get even with your enemies
• Expect ingratitude
• Count your blessings, not your troubles
• Try not to imitate others
• Create happiness for others

This short “Carnegie Tip of the Week” is full of wonderful truths and wisdom that can bless our lives and help us be successful. First, our choices are so critical. We must pay attention to the consequences our choices bring and choose to do those things that bring us happiness. Second, small things matter. Even the little choices will positively or negatively impact our lives. Third, remember the victories, successes, and joys in life to get us through tough times. Focusing on the good rather than the bad will help us achieve. Lastly, the final thought of turning our focus outside of ourselves and seeking for opportunities to create happiness for others will greatly improve our satisfaction and success in life. I’m grateful for friendly reminders such as this insightful email provided to me the other day. Following its wisdom will lead us to success.

Complete Control

“In the universe there are only two types of people—those who act, and those who are acted upon.”
Unknown

In life, whether we believe it or not, we do control our own destiny. The world will try to show us otherwise. The world wants us to believe we can’t overcome obstacles or challenges because they are too hard or too unfair or too impossible to scale. The world will have us think we are subject to it and merely an object to be acted upon. The world wants to keep us down, to think small, and conform to societal norms. The world wants us not to achieve but to relax, take it easy, and gripe about life. The truth however is that we can control our own destiny and the world belongs to those who act.

Action takes courage, intuition, and persistence. It takes planning, bravado, and intelligence. Those who choose to act rather than be acted upon are those who make a difference, find success, and enjoy life to its fullest.

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln

In this world we are agents that are free to choose our attitude, actions, and behavior. We are not forced to feel, behave, or do things against our own free will. Rather, we are free to be as happy as we’d like to be regardless of our circumstance or situation in life. Only we control our outcomes and performance in life. It is never forced on us to be unhappy, rude, angry, lackadaisical, apathetic, unforgiving, mean, selfish, or depressed. Rather, it is a choice we make.

Is it possible to be happy, inspired, engaged, positive, kind-hearted, thoughtful, generous, and self-effacing all the time? It is if we choose to be. Of course this is much easier said than done. But having the knowledge that we can is the first step to success. Learning to control ourselves, our heart, mind and body, is one of the greatest challenges in life.

So, what type of person are we? We are the type that acts or is acted upon? Are we proactive in achieving our goals and being happy and successful or are we waiting and hoping for the best? As we act begin to realize a happy life is ours for the taking!

Cut the Rope!!

"Our choices have the undeniable power of transforming our lives.”
Jose Teixeira

Imagine you are in a sail boat on a beautifully sunny and windy day. You pull away from shore with your sails open and the wind is blowing hard in the perfect direction. You set sail and begin cruising along very swiftly. The wind is blowing in your hair, the salty air is kissing your lips and skin, and the cool breeze keeps you at a perfect temperature on an otherwise warm sunny day. The thrill of the ride is exhilarating and relaxing. As you pull further and further away from shore you suddenly realize there is a large rope that is tied to the boat and on the other end is a giant anchor. You realize that soon the rope will become taut and you will be unable to go any further. Held back by the anchor you notice your ride will soon end and you will be unable to fully enjoy the open water and the blissful ride unless you cut the rope.

Often in our lives we are like the sailboat. We are full of potential and can do, be, and accomplish so much yet we have a rope that holds us back. For each of us our rope may be different. For some of us it may be a lack of confidence or fear, or maybe laziness, or other bad habits. Regardless of what it may be this rope limits our progress and our ability to fully enjoy the ride.

As leaders and as people we must cut the ropes that hold us back. We can’t afford to be held in place by them. We must overcome our lack of confidence, or our laziness, or fear, or whatever bad habit that may be inhibiting us from fully enjoying the open water and taking full advantage of the good winds and beautiful day. If we decide not to cut the rope, we will one day look back on our ride and realize we missed out, that we could have experienced so much more, and that the rides potential was wasted.

What are the ropes in our lives that are not allowing us to reach our potential and enjoy all life has in store for us?! We can’t hesitate, we must do it now! We must cut the rope!

Embracing the "Same Old"

Recently I had someone mention that many of my blogs are very related and that it seems I have similar themes that I like to discuss—and I can’t argue with this observation. As I thought about this a bit, I realized that throughout our lives, similar themes, lessons, discussions, etc. constantly pop up. There seems to be a pattern of repetition in much of what we learn, talk about, and do. And to me, there is power in repetition. In fact, many of the most skilled people in any given profession are those who have repeated and practiced their skill time and time again. Thus repetition is a powerful way for us to reach our potential and excel.

How many times do we groan when we hear the same lecture from our parents or boss? This is natural however repetition is a powerful way for us to learn and apply lesson in our lives. In fact, it seems we need repetition in order to truly learn and to be our best. And those who can overcome the mundaneness of repetition, and discipline themselves to repeat over and over again that which they are trying to perfect, will gain an insurmountable advantage in coming out on top.

So, rather than avoiding a class you’ve already taken, or that lecture you’ve already heard, or that activity you’ve done a hundred times, perhaps the best way for us to grow and be better is to go back and do it again. If we can learn to be content with repetition, realizing how it can hone our skills and help us reach our potential, we will be on a path to greater success.

So next time we start complaining about “the same old” remember there is power in repetition. Rather than shun or bemoan the repetition you see in your life, embrace it!! And as you do you will be becoming a better you!

The Again Principle

There once was a wise old man who told his wealthy young friend how to obtain much success in life. The wise old man told him that a book existed that held the mysterious of the universe and that if the young man truly wanted to be happy and successful in life, he would do all within his power to obtain it and study it. The rich young man believed his wise old friend and learned that an ill-tempered king in a land far away was in possession of the book. So, the young man journeyed to the city, entered the palace and asked to speak to the king. The king did grant the young man audience so he asked the king graciously if he could have the book. The king was angry that a stranger would ask anything from him and he threatened to kill the young man if he did not leave immediately. The young man left and came up with a new plan. This time he brought all of his possessions, gold, silver, and anything of value to the king and asked if he could purchase the book from the king. The king saw all of the beautiful possessions and wanted them for himself however he still did not want to give away anything he owned to this stranger so he ordered his guards to kill the wealthy young man. The young man escaped narrowly but lost all of his riches as they fell in to the hands of the king. Finally, unsure of how he was going to obtain the book but knowing he must do so; the now once rich young man entered the city wall again, this time late at night. He was very careful for he feared for his life but in a dark alley near the castle he saw a man drunk. As he approached him he noticed it was the king. While the king was drunk he astutely dressed himself in the king’s robes and went to kings chambers where he asked his servant to fetch him the book. The servant, believing it was his master, returned with the book and the young man was able to accomplish his desire and escape the city safely with the book.

I recently heard a speaker share a very similar story as this while explaining a powerful principle known as the Again principle. Many of us have hope, dreams, and desires yet we are unwilling to try again. We allow discouragement and a lack of faith to convince us that we cannot obtain what we desire. However, those who try again always find success.

In the story, most of us would probably quit after our first attempt to obtain the book. The young man had traveled far and had made a good attempt but things just didn’t work out. It would have been easy to move on, justifying that we had tried our best and we were in danger. We simply would have settled with disappointment and failure. Some of us may have tried a second time but then would have despaired when even a larger sacrifice to obtain our desire did not pan out as planned. The man in the story however did not despair and tried again a third time risking his life to obtain his desire.

Though in most instances we may not be required to risk our lives, many times we give up too easy, we settle for unfulfilled dreams, we allow ourselves to get distracted and discouraged and we move on when if we simply would try again, we would eventually find success. The Again principle is precisely that. That many times to obtain our dreams we must try again, and again, and again, and again and by so doing, we will eventually obtain the prize.

Success is often awarded to the persistent. If we can learn to be persistent, accept failure, challenges, and obstacles, and always apply the Again Principle, we will have success in life.

Start-Up Nation

I recently finished reading “Start-Up Nation” by Dan Senor and Saul Singer. The book is written about Israel’s incredible economic growth and how it has survived and thrived despite the many seemingly obstacles such as size, lack of natural resources, and surrounding enemies. The book shares true examples of some of Israel’s top entrepreneurs and businesses to make certain points on why and how Israel has succeeded. Through these stories we learn some of the strategies, ideas, and concepts used to help spark Israel’s economy—things that I believe can be applied in our individual lives to help us reach our own success. Below are three of my favorites from the book.

#1 Chutzpah

“The most careful thing is to dare.”

Chutzpah is defined as gall or incredible guts and each Israeli seems to possess it. Rather than take it easy, be conservative, or hold back because of fear or comfort, Israelis seem to go for it every time. Their ability to embrace intelligent risk-taking has rocketed their economy to great heights. When they have a business idea, they do not hesitate, they start a business. This seeming ability to take risks no matter the circumstance or potential cost has helped Israel compete with some of the top nations in the world. In a similar manner, if we can have the same confidence and “chutzpah” that Israel has shown, our ability to find success will grow immensely!

#2 Philosophy on Failure

“Mistakes are acceptable, provided they are used as opportunities to improve individual and group performance.”

A powerful force behind Israel’s success is their acceptance and lack of fear of failure. Most of us refrain doing certain things because we are afraid to fail but in Israel, failure is not only accepted but often admired. Israel uses failure as a way to learn and they dissect failures thoroughly enabling themselves to maximize their learning while ensuring they do not make the same mistake(s). This powerful attitude and study of failure leads to more start-up companies and entrepreneurs than most every other country in the world! It seems in Israel that failing is simply part of practicing business until you eventually succeed. Developing a similar perspective on failure will greatly increase our own ability to reach our full potential.

#3 Results Oriented

“Be much more about being performance-oriented than about seniority or ranks.”

Unique to Israel is their seemingly lack of respect or credence for superiors. This lack of respect, in the worlds view, is a powerful force in its ability to challenge, improve, and succeed. In fact, in Israel, regardless of rank, tenure, power, or position, it seems everyone is on the same level playing field. An employee freely challenges his boss, a student his professor, a sergeant her general, etc. And this type of behavior is not only accepted but expected. As people, in order for us to be our best, we must be challenged and put to the test day in and day out by anyone and everyone. This also creates constant competition where it is not uncommon for one person’s boss today, to be his employee tomorrow because in Israel you are judged on results. Israel is a great example of what can happen in a society where your latest results are rewarded regardless of tenure, stature, or past performance. Creating a similar environment in our own lives would push us to be our best every single day.

There are many other reasons and examples of what has contributed to Israel’s economic success in “Start Up Nation” but these are three of my favorites. I believe if we can apply these as well as some of the other concepts found in this book in our personal lives, our success much like Israel’s economy, will soar to great heights!

To see how I ranked this book click here.

Using Universal Laws to our Advantage

"Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it a thing to be achieved." William Jennings Bryan

I believe there exist universal laws that cannot be altered or changed but that can greatly benefit us when we understand them, recognize them, and take advantage of them. Today I want to speak about two of these laws that I believe can and will have a profound impact on our satisfaction and results in life.

The first law is what I call agency. Agency is the ability each of us has to choose. Under nearly any circumstance in life, we have the ability to choose our actions, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. And what we choose to do results in what we become and who we are. It also results in our success and happiness in life. The power is ours—it is within us to decide our fate in life. Once we believe this, our ability to succeed grows.

Now, there are many roadblocks, misconceptions, and flat out lies that tell us we can or cannot choose something but for the most part, these are self-created in our minds. Whether it our environment, society, our background, or education we all have false beliefs that limit our ability to see clearly and understand that we have total agency to determine our outcomes in life. Thus, our success and happiness is totally up to us regardless of circumstance.

The second law is what I call the Law of the Harvest. Essentially what this law is that we reap what we sow. As a farmer, if I plant seeds to grow corn, I certainly cannot logically expect to have wheat come harvest time. Likewise, it amazes me how many of us believe that we can be untruthful, lazy, selfish, mean, etc. and expect that good will be returned unto us. This just does not happen in life. Thus, the Law of the Harvest teaches us that when we do good, we invite good in to our lives.

What we sow in life, through our actions and the type of people we are, all comes back to us. Though this law does not always happen instantly, meaning we may be deceitful and take advantages of others and gain benefits from this in the short-term, I’ve seen that eventually this law will catch up with us and we will regret our actions. Likewise, if we are dealing justly with others and striving to treat others as we’d like to be treated, we may not immediately notice the benefits from our behavior, but within time, our goodness will be returned unto us.

As we learn about, trust in, and strive to use these universal laws to our advantage such as the Law of Agency and the Law of the Harvest we will have much greater success and happiness in life. And these are simply two of the many universal laws that govern our outcomes and results in life. As we continually strive to improve and search for these laws and use them accordingly, we will have much greater happiness and satisfaction in life.

Doing Your Very Best Every Single Day

One of the biggest challenges of life is living up to our potential and doing our very best every single day. All of us have bad days, days where our effort is less than admirable, where our kindness runs short, where our drive seems weak, where enthusiasm is low, and where our performance is less than what it ought to be. In my opinion, a true measure of success is consistency—specifically consistency in effort. Those who are able to truly give their top performance day in and day out will progress, grow, and achieve results. So yesterday I had one of those “not so good” days and I hate it when I do because I know I should be better and that I can be better. So, below is a list of things I’ve found to be helpful in motivating me to preform my very best every single day.

Compete

Find a hobby that allows and encourages you to compete. Whether you enjoy a good game of golf or jogging or playing a musical instrument find a way to compete with yourself and/or others. Each time you run, keep track of how far or how fast you run and then try to do better the next day, if you play a musical instrument, perfect a piece you are learning. Good competition in my life helps remind me that I must work hard and put forth my best effort in every aspect of my life no matter what I may be doing. When I compete regardless of what it might be, I have found that it keeps my motivation high, helps me to feel confident, and often leads to success in other areas of my life. Competition seems to always put an extra hop in my step, extra excitement in my heart, and an extra degree of focus to my mind.

Be Discontented

One of the worst ways for us to lose our desire to be our very best every day is to believe “we have arrived.” Instead of believing we are great or have reached the top or can’t possibly do more, we should think again. Though we may have achieved some amazing things, there is always more we can do to be better. Rather than thinking we have arrived we ought to think I am grateful for what I have become or accomplished but I ought to be better. Those who live “discontented” with their results, regardless of how phenomenal they may appear will have more success at living up to their full potential day in and day out.

Have Goals

Along the lines of living discontented, we must have goals that motivate us to be better than we are and we must track our progress toward achieving these goals. Once we abandon goal setting and achieving, our ability to put forth our best effort in life greatly diminishes. I have found that good goals inspire me to be better, encourage me to push myself, help me to focus on my top priorities in life, and allow me to maximize my potential. Good goals that we are honestly striving to achieve will help us live at a high level each day.

Live with Urgency

Often we get relaxed and fail to seriously strive to improve because life is going well. What would happen however if you lost your job today, or the competition moved next door, or the stock market crashed? If we can learn to live with urgency and realize that we never know what tomorrow will bring, we will stretch ourselves every day to be our best. When going about our day, we must consider what would we be doing differently if the pressure was really on, and then act in that way. Doing this will help us reach our potential.

Have Favorites

In life there are things that instantly motivate us. It may be a favorite song or movie, it may be attending a ball game or a show, or it may be doing yard work or participating in a favorite hobby, or calling our closest friend. Whatever it may be, whenever you feel your motivation running low, go to these “favorites” and get re-energized. For me it is often simply exercising. When my body works hard my mind wants to work hard too and it helps me to get re-motivated for life. I also have some favorite songs and movies that almost always motivate me when enthusiasm is running low. Going to these favorites in times of need help me to do better every single day.

Know Yourself

Finally, there are many things that get us down, steal our energy, and rob us of our motivation. Whether it may be watching too much TV, shopping in crowded stores, surfing the internet, eating unhealthy, or a million other things find those things that cause you to lose your motivation and stress you out and then avoid them as much as possible. Once we are honest with ourselves and admit what hinders our ability to be our best, we can then improve our consistency in our daily effort by avoiding them. I have found that for me that too much time on the computer or not taking time to eat a good breakfast in the morning are demotivators for me. And knowing this has helped me to be my best more consistently.

Striving to do our very best consistently is not an easy task however following some of the simple ideas above can have a tremendous impact on our ability to do so. And in the end, I believe each of us has the power within us to do our very best every single day!

The Anatomy of Peace Rewind #2

Continued from last week…

“People respond more to how we’re regarding them than they do to our particular words or actions.”

It has been said that actions speak louder than words and I believe this to be true. However, I also believe that how we regard others speaks even louder than our actions. What this means is that often we do things begrudgingly, or simply out of obligation or duty. I guess we can say our attitudes when doing things may sometimes be poor and others can sense this. For example, my wife may ask me to help with the dishes. Now I may do it, but how will my wife feel if I do it while complaining under my breath the whole time or if while doing it I slosh water around, bang the dishes, and then slam the dishwasher door as an indication that “I’m finished!” Although I did what my wife had asked me to do, so my actions were good, how I did it probably spoke louder to my wife than the actual action. Often times we do the right thing or say the right thing but we do it in the wrong way. How we regard people and how we speak and act determines how people will respond to us. And when we can regard people in a positive way and treat them like people with thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires just like ourselves, they will likewise respond in a positive way and we will find more success in our relationships with others and we will be more at peace with ourselves.

“Most problems at home, at work, and in the world are not failures of strategy but failures of way of being.”

Similar to the above quote, how we regard people, and our “way of being” toward them really determines our ability to build strong, trusting relationships. Though we may have a solid strategy in place that has been carefully crafted and prepared, the way in which we roll out the strategy will often determine our success. In essence, there is a wrong way to do a right thing. For example, I may have a child that needs to be disciplined. If I simply scold the child and tell him how rude he is my ability to help that child has been greatly reduced. However, if I pull the child aside, look him in the eye and tell him exactly what he is doing wrong and my expectation of him and my confidence and love in him, my ability to be successful is greatly improved. So many times our strategy or our actions are right on but our implementation goes awry. Thus implementation rather than our strategy alone often determines our results.

“We must spend most of our time actively helping things go right rather than dealing with things that are going wrong.”

Many times we get caught up on dwelling on the bad that we fail to see all that is going good. In fact many times we develop tunnel vision where all we see is bad sometimes resulting in our own poor thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. When we can direct our focus and energy instead to those things that are going good and then do all we can to help those things continue to go good, we often end up helping those things that may be going wrong as well. Focusing on the positive and striving to help things go right rather than constantly correcting the wrong will lighten our burden and stress and will allow us to be more successful in what we are trying to accomplish.

“Peace within us is merely a choice away.”

Finally, our choices determine our peace in life. If we are constantly feeling stressed out, anxious, and at “war” with others, it is probably because of our own actions and our own way of being towards others. The Anatomy of Peace teaches us how to obtain a lasting peace in any circumstance or situation.

If the above quotes seem incomplete, a little bit difficult to fully grasp or understand, or leave you wanting more, please read the book. The Anatomy of Peace is an outstanding book that can change lives as each of us strives for peace. I believe reading and rereading it to fully comprehend and apply what it teaches will bless each of us and will improve our success and peace in life.

The Anatomy of Peace Rewind

I just finished reading The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute again. This is one of my all-time favorites because of the tremendous positive impact its teachings can have on our lives. I truly believe The Anatomy of Peace can change our perspective on life and on how we view and interact with others. It also provides us with a method and solutions to finding peace in our lives. Over the next two weeks I will share just a few of my favorite quotes and thoughts from the book.

“Normally our preferred solution to problems is that others change.”

Isn’t this the truth!! We spend so much energy and time worrying about how others must change that we lose the opportunity to develop and improve ourselves. The Anatomy of Peace encourages us to take full ownership of our own actions and focus inwardly before responding outwardly. It challenges us to be the solution rather than a contributor to the problems we face. If we can learn to focus more on improving ourselves, rather than on changing others, our life will be significantly enriched.

“The state of your heart toward others will determine your success.”

Too many times when interacting with others, our hearts are not right toward them. Rather than regarding them as people with wants, needs, fears, etc. just like us we see them as objects to help us get what we want. When we do this, we inadvertently push people away, or provoke them to oppose us, or make them feel poorly. On the other hand, when we regard them as people just like ourselves, we invite them to change, to follow, and to feel good about themselves. When we are able to help others feel good about themselves, we have a greater ability to interact, build trust, and compromise with them eventually resulting in much better outcomes and results in life. The Anatomy of Peace helps us understand how we can more consistently have a heart that is right towards others.

“We compulsively act in ways that make our own lives more difficult.”

It is very natural and common for all of us to act in ways that make our lives more difficult and stressful. In fact, through our actions, we often invite in others exactly what we hope they will not do. This book teaches us though how to act differently and in turn invite others to do more of what we’d like them to do. It helps us see how our simple actions towards others can greatly improve our lives and lessen our worries and struggles.

To be continued next week...

What Lies Within?!

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Author Unknown

The above quote is one of my favorites because it speaks to a truth that is often overlooked and undervalued. In fact I believe in a lot of ways each day in our society we are encouraged to minimize the importance of what lies within and to focus only on what is on the outside. However I believe that what matters most in this life is what lies within our hearts—our true desires, dreams and character.

Have you ever wondered how seemingly ordinary people are able to accomplish amazing things? Sometimes this has to do with what lies within—within their heart and not what they actually accomplish. There is often something in them that drives them, pushes them, and pulls them to achieve unbelievable feats that bless the lives of others.

Yet still regardless of what we accomplish or achieve in this life it matters little in comparison to the type of people we are or become. Many of the most amazing, happy, and successful people are extremely unassuming, humble, and self-effacing and therefore are not well known. Yet, because of who they are, they have a profound impact on those around them and often change the world.

So how do we develop what lies within, or how do we change it or improve it? The one way and perhaps the only way is by striving to do the right thing at all times and in all places regardless of circumstance. This includes not only our actions but also our thoughts and our desires and being true to our conscious. This includes honesty, integrity, kindness, and generosity. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of times a day we may feel impressed to do the right thing but the hard part is obeying. When we do choose to obey we strengthen our character and what lies within us. And when we don’t obey, we weaken it.

So what lies within you? Is it what you want it to be? The good thing is that we and only we have the ability to impact, change, and become who we want to be. We decide what lies within us!!

I challenge each of us to remember the importance of what lies within us, to cultivate and do those things that will protect, build up, and improve always what is within us regardless of the seeming sacrifices it will require. Indeed, at times this will require us to get out of our comfort zone, to stretch ourselves and to do things that we don’t normally do but as we listen to our impressions and obey our conscious, we will strengthen what lies within us. And only by doing this can we capture and live to our full potential and fully enjoy a successful life.

Effective Leadership for Today

“Too many people today think leading is exclusively about their own performance."
Robert Joss

In today’s competitive world, leaders have to discover new ways to be successful—often times employing methods contrary to traditional wisdom or leadership styles. In fact, today’s leader will not be fully effective utilizing many of the conventional tactics of leadership without discovering new strategies to lead. With this in mind, below is a list of some of the top “dont’s” and “do’s” of effective leadership today.

#1 Don’t Dictate—Do Inspire

The most effective leaders today do not dictate rather they inspire. People do not want to be told what to do rather they seek encouragement and motivation from leaders. Leaders must learn how to inspire those whom they lead through many different means. Inspiring and encouraging rather than compelling and mandating will help leaders get full effort, respect, and participation from those they lead. And in the end will produce greater results.

#2 Don’t Direct—Do Persuade

Similar to number one, winning people over to your way of thinking or helping them believe in your plan goes a lot further than directing them constantly in what they need to do. Good leaders today know how to effectively persuade others to follow them and do what they’d like them to do.

#3 Don’t Criticize—Do Praise

It has been said that a pat on the back goes a lot further in helping someone to do a good job than a kick in the fanny. People respond well to praise and appreciation. Our world is full of criticism and most people already have enough critics. Thus, leaders who are able to see the good (and frequently point it out) rather than focus only on the bad will be much more effective in their leadership.

#4 Don’t Blame—Do Protect

When things go wrong, the effective leader takes full ownership of the results of his team and protects individual team members from ridicule or embarrassment. Good leaders prove they trust their team by standing by them and sticking up for them during the good times and the bad. Leaders must avoid pointing fingers or blaming others in order to be fully effective.

#5 Don’t Dominate—Do Involve

Successful leaders today do not dominate the decision making, idea-generating, or brain-storming, of the team. Rather, whenever appropriate and possible, they seek input, ask questions, and look for feedback and input from others. They strive to find the best solutions through collaboration because they understand that they do not know it all and that buy-in from the team is important to their success.

#6 Don’t Question—Do Believe

The effective leader believes in their team by empowering them to make decisions and raising their vision of themselves. In essence, the great leader gives their team a great reputation to live up to. Leaders who are constantly questioning motives or the abilities of their team will fail.

In today’s competitive atmosphere, it is time for leaders to embrace new leadership tactics and methods in order to more effectively lead. These are six ways to quickly improve our leadership abilities and our success. As we inspire, persuade, praise, protect, involve and believe in our team we will discover our ability to lead will increase. And though some of these tactics may force us to change, I believe each of us has the ability to implement them, and as we do, I am certain our results will improve.

Silos, Politics, and Turf Wars

“There is perhaps no greater cause of professional anxiety and turnover than employees fighting with people in their own organization.”

Have you ever felt at home or at work that you are at war against the very people who you thought were supposed to be on your side?! This issue of “internal fighting” is at the heart of the book Silos, Politics, and Turf Wars by Patrick Lencioni.

Too often organizations are greatly hindered or even sometimes destroyed by people who seem at times to be unwilling to work together. Insecurity, a lack of trust, dishonesty, different objectives, and an unwillingness to share information plagues our places of work and just about every group of people. If we can figure out how to eliminate these silos, we can begin to reach our potential as organizations. The author of this book offers some good insights in to how we can solve this great epidemic.

Unifying Purpose

“If everything is important, then nothing is.”

Perhaps the number one way to start eliminating infighting and silos is to create a common purpose. Do people know why they come to work every day? Do they understand what the ultimate goal of the organization is? Do they know how they can contribute? Too often people are uncertain what is most important and thus they create their own priorities based on their personal beliefs. When this happens, (multiplied by numerous individuals, departments, divisions, etc.) we can understand why there is so much fighting and confusion. Leaders must create a vision with common goals and objectives that can unite and unify their teams. When everyone has the same end in mind with a clear sense of purpose, working together becomes much easier.

Create a Crisis

“A crisis brings out the best in companies.”

The author notes how often in the event of an emergency, people work well together. Very little infighting, resistance, arguments, etc. tend to occur when someone’s life is in immediate jeopardy for example because people want to do all they can to help save the life. Similarly the author encourages leaders to find a way to ensure members of an organization feel a sense of urgency in reaching goals and obtaining results. When organizations can create mechanisms that cause discomfort and “emergency” situations, silos are greatly eliminated.

Make a contribution

“That is why you are here, so that you contribute across the board.”

Finally, team members must understand that their overall objective is to make an overall contribution to the vision of the organization. Simply helping yourself or your department at the expense of sacrificing performance toward the main objective is unacceptable. Leaders must stress that group members are a part of the team to make an overall positive impact on the group. Too often leaders reward individuals who help themselves or their departments succeed but in the process hurt progress toward the ultimate goal. Ensuring that rewards are based on overall contribution to the organization’s purpose is critical.

One final important point from the author is that most people want to work well together—people do not enjoy the battles!! Leaders often inaccurately believe their team members are to blame or that they actually do not want to work together, but this rarely is the case. Often the main reason why team members do not work well together is because leaders in the organization are failing to follow some or all of the simple suggestions above.

As we unify our teams around a common purpose, create a crisis, and teach and reward contribution, our ability to eliminate internal fighting and silos within our organizations will greatly increase. And in turn, our ability to lead and be successful will grow. Good luck!!

To see how I rated this book click here

Getting Back to the Basics of Success

“Never abandon the fundamental concepts that stand the test of time. Consistently applying those fundamentals brings success. [People] need to go back to the basics.”
Jim Collins

Last week I wrote about the importance of adhering to and applying the fundamentals of life in order to guarantee success. To reiterate, these fundamentals have been proven over time to work, and although there may be more than the items listed below, I believe these five are core to increasing success and happiness in life!

#1 Hard Work

Hard work is the bedrock of success. Few if any ever achieve success without hard work. On the other hand, many successful people can attribute their success almost entirely to working hard. Some say hard work is becoming a lost art with each new generation. Though in some ways there may be some evidence of this, I still believe many hard workers exists and will continue to find success as they commit their many efforts to it. Hard work is a fundamental in life that cannot be overlooked, diminished, or forgotten. Hard work works!

#2 Selflessness

An outward focus on people and others rather than an inward focus on self has proven to be a basic fundamental that leads to success. Many studies have proven that people who give more of their money, time, talents, etc. have greater happiness and success in life. In our minds this is often hard for us to comprehend as we can’t understand how focusing on others actually helps us in the end but it has been proven to be true. Somehow, an outward focus on others creates an inward strength that can’t be matched, duplicated, or found in any other way. Thus, when we effectively build relationships by caring about others, and giving back, success comes.

#3 Positive Thinking

You may have heard of the Law of Attraction from the famous book The Secret. For the most part, the secret found in this book is a fundamental that leads to success and this is the power of positive thinking. We are and become what we think about. If we think we can’t we are usually right and if we believe we can then we usually are also right. Positive thinking or faith in our abilities to be successful is an important fundamental that will greatly impact and influence our success in life. Pessimism, fear, and doubt surround us constantly and seek to obliterate this fundamental. However, if we can focus on the good, truly believe, and then put forth the effort necessary—we can accomplish anything. There are no limits for the person that truly believes.

#4 Honesty

This core fundamental has greatly become regarded as naïve or impractical. Honesty however leads to success. When we are honest, others will want to work for and with us. When we are honest we have an inner peace that allows us to focus and put all of our energies toward what we working for. Honest people do not have to waste any time on worrying about what they may have said or done. When we are honest, our ability to reach our full potential and be successful is maximized.

#5 Persistence

It has been said that it is impossible to beat the man that never gives up. Persistence is a fundamental in life that can be overlooked or ignored. All of us face roadblocks in life but only those who are willing to put forth the effort to scale the roadblocks will be successful. And always in the end, persistence pays off.

Again, these basics of life are tested, tried, and true fundamentals that if practiced and applied will lead us to success and greater happiness and satisfaction. Through history we can see how these and perhaps other “fundamentals” have proven to work. We don’t need any secret formula or superior wisdom or skills. Each of us can apply the fundamentals and find success. Therefore, when we find we are not making as much progress as we’d like or we can’t seem to find the success we were hoping to have, it’s probably an indication that we need to get back to living the fundamentals!