Continued from last week…
“People respond more to how we’re regarding them than they do to our particular words or actions.”
It has been said that actions speak louder than words and I believe this to be true. However, I also believe that how we regard others speaks even louder than our actions. What this means is that often we do things begrudgingly, or simply out of obligation or duty. I guess we can say our attitudes when doing things may sometimes be poor and others can sense this. For example, my wife may ask me to help with the dishes. Now I may do it, but how will my wife feel if I do it while complaining under my breath the whole time or if while doing it I slosh water around, bang the dishes, and then slam the dishwasher door as an indication that “I’m finished!” Although I did what my wife had asked me to do, so my actions were good, how I did it probably spoke louder to my wife than the actual action. Often times we do the right thing or say the right thing but we do it in the wrong way. How we regard people and how we speak and act determines how people will respond to us. And when we can regard people in a positive way and treat them like people with thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires just like ourselves, they will likewise respond in a positive way and we will find more success in our relationships with others and we will be more at peace with ourselves.
“Most problems at home, at work, and in the world are not failures of strategy but failures of way of being.”
Similar to the above quote, how we regard people, and our “way of being” toward them really determines our ability to build strong, trusting relationships. Though we may have a solid strategy in place that has been carefully crafted and prepared, the way in which we roll out the strategy will often determine our success. In essence, there is a wrong way to do a right thing. For example, I may have a child that needs to be disciplined. If I simply scold the child and tell him how rude he is my ability to help that child has been greatly reduced. However, if I pull the child aside, look him in the eye and tell him exactly what he is doing wrong and my expectation of him and my confidence and love in him, my ability to be successful is greatly improved. So many times our strategy or our actions are right on but our implementation goes awry. Thus implementation rather than our strategy alone often determines our results.
“We must spend most of our time actively helping things go right rather than dealing with things that are going wrong.”
Many times we get caught up on dwelling on the bad that we fail to see all that is going good. In fact many times we develop tunnel vision where all we see is bad sometimes resulting in our own poor thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. When we can direct our focus and energy instead to those things that are going good and then do all we can to help those things continue to go good, we often end up helping those things that may be going wrong as well. Focusing on the positive and striving to help things go right rather than constantly correcting the wrong will lighten our burden and stress and will allow us to be more successful in what we are trying to accomplish.
“Peace within us is merely a choice away.”
Finally, our choices determine our peace in life. If we are constantly feeling stressed out, anxious, and at “war” with others, it is probably because of our own actions and our own way of being towards others. The Anatomy of Peace teaches us how to obtain a lasting peace in any circumstance or situation.
If the above quotes seem incomplete, a little bit difficult to fully grasp or understand, or leave you wanting more, please read the book. The Anatomy of Peace is an outstanding book that can change lives as each of us strives for peace. I believe reading and rereading it to fully comprehend and apply what it teaches will bless each of us and will improve our success and peace in life.
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