Continued from last week…
“People respond more to how we’re regarding them than they do to our particular words or actions.”
It has been said that actions speak louder than words and I believe this to be true. However, I also believe that how we regard others speaks even louder than our actions. What this means is that often we do things begrudgingly, or simply out of obligation or duty. I guess we can say our attitudes when doing things may sometimes be poor and others can sense this. For example, my wife may ask me to help with the dishes. Now I may do it, but how will my wife feel if I do it while complaining under my breath the whole time or if while doing it I slosh water around, bang the dishes, and then slam the dishwasher door as an indication that “I’m finished!” Although I did what my wife had asked me to do, so my actions were good, how I did it probably spoke louder to my wife than the actual action. Often times we do the right thing or say the right thing but we do it in the wrong way. How we regard people and how we speak and act determines how people will respond to us. And when we can regard people in a positive way and treat them like people with thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires just like ourselves, they will likewise respond in a positive way and we will find more success in our relationships with others and we will be more at peace with ourselves.
“Most problems at home, at work, and in the world are not failures of strategy but failures of way of being.”
Similar to the above quote, how we regard people, and our “way of being” toward them really determines our ability to build strong, trusting relationships. Though we may have a solid strategy in place that has been carefully crafted and prepared, the way in which we roll out the strategy will often determine our success. In essence, there is a wrong way to do a right thing. For example, I may have a child that needs to be disciplined. If I simply scold the child and tell him how rude he is my ability to help that child has been greatly reduced. However, if I pull the child aside, look him in the eye and tell him exactly what he is doing wrong and my expectation of him and my confidence and love in him, my ability to be successful is greatly improved. So many times our strategy or our actions are right on but our implementation goes awry. Thus implementation rather than our strategy alone often determines our results.
“We must spend most of our time actively helping things go right rather than dealing with things that are going wrong.”
Many times we get caught up on dwelling on the bad that we fail to see all that is going good. In fact many times we develop tunnel vision where all we see is bad sometimes resulting in our own poor thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. When we can direct our focus and energy instead to those things that are going good and then do all we can to help those things continue to go good, we often end up helping those things that may be going wrong as well. Focusing on the positive and striving to help things go right rather than constantly correcting the wrong will lighten our burden and stress and will allow us to be more successful in what we are trying to accomplish.
“Peace within us is merely a choice away.”
Finally, our choices determine our peace in life. If we are constantly feeling stressed out, anxious, and at “war” with others, it is probably because of our own actions and our own way of being towards others. The Anatomy of Peace teaches us how to obtain a lasting peace in any circumstance or situation.
If the above quotes seem incomplete, a little bit difficult to fully grasp or understand, or leave you wanting more, please read the book. The Anatomy of Peace is an outstanding book that can change lives as each of us strives for peace. I believe reading and rereading it to fully comprehend and apply what it teaches will bless each of us and will improve our success and peace in life.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Anatomy of Peace Rewind
I just finished reading The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute again. This is one of my all-time favorites because of the tremendous positive impact its teachings can have on our lives. I truly believe The Anatomy of Peace can change our perspective on life and on how we view and interact with others. It also provides us with a method and solutions to finding peace in our lives. Over the next two weeks I will share just a few of my favorite quotes and thoughts from the book.
“Normally our preferred solution to problems is that others change.”
Isn’t this the truth!! We spend so much energy and time worrying about how others must change that we lose the opportunity to develop and improve ourselves. The Anatomy of Peace encourages us to take full ownership of our own actions and focus inwardly before responding outwardly. It challenges us to be the solution rather than a contributor to the problems we face. If we can learn to focus more on improving ourselves, rather than on changing others, our life will be significantly enriched.
“The state of your heart toward others will determine your success.”
Too many times when interacting with others, our hearts are not right toward them. Rather than regarding them as people with wants, needs, fears, etc. just like us we see them as objects to help us get what we want. When we do this, we inadvertently push people away, or provoke them to oppose us, or make them feel poorly. On the other hand, when we regard them as people just like ourselves, we invite them to change, to follow, and to feel good about themselves. When we are able to help others feel good about themselves, we have a greater ability to interact, build trust, and compromise with them eventually resulting in much better outcomes and results in life. The Anatomy of Peace helps us understand how we can more consistently have a heart that is right towards others.
“We compulsively act in ways that make our own lives more difficult.”
It is very natural and common for all of us to act in ways that make our lives more difficult and stressful. In fact, through our actions, we often invite in others exactly what we hope they will not do. This book teaches us though how to act differently and in turn invite others to do more of what we’d like them to do. It helps us see how our simple actions towards others can greatly improve our lives and lessen our worries and struggles.
To be continued next week...
“Normally our preferred solution to problems is that others change.”
Isn’t this the truth!! We spend so much energy and time worrying about how others must change that we lose the opportunity to develop and improve ourselves. The Anatomy of Peace encourages us to take full ownership of our own actions and focus inwardly before responding outwardly. It challenges us to be the solution rather than a contributor to the problems we face. If we can learn to focus more on improving ourselves, rather than on changing others, our life will be significantly enriched.
“The state of your heart toward others will determine your success.”
Too many times when interacting with others, our hearts are not right toward them. Rather than regarding them as people with wants, needs, fears, etc. just like us we see them as objects to help us get what we want. When we do this, we inadvertently push people away, or provoke them to oppose us, or make them feel poorly. On the other hand, when we regard them as people just like ourselves, we invite them to change, to follow, and to feel good about themselves. When we are able to help others feel good about themselves, we have a greater ability to interact, build trust, and compromise with them eventually resulting in much better outcomes and results in life. The Anatomy of Peace helps us understand how we can more consistently have a heart that is right towards others.
“We compulsively act in ways that make our own lives more difficult.”
It is very natural and common for all of us to act in ways that make our lives more difficult and stressful. In fact, through our actions, we often invite in others exactly what we hope they will not do. This book teaches us though how to act differently and in turn invite others to do more of what we’d like them to do. It helps us see how our simple actions towards others can greatly improve our lives and lessen our worries and struggles.
To be continued next week...
Thursday, April 14, 2011
What Lies Within?!
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Author Unknown
The above quote is one of my favorites because it speaks to a truth that is often overlooked and undervalued. In fact I believe in a lot of ways each day in our society we are encouraged to minimize the importance of what lies within and to focus only on what is on the outside. However I believe that what matters most in this life is what lies within our hearts—our true desires, dreams and character.
Have you ever wondered how seemingly ordinary people are able to accomplish amazing things? Sometimes this has to do with what lies within—within their heart and not what they actually accomplish. There is often something in them that drives them, pushes them, and pulls them to achieve unbelievable feats that bless the lives of others.
Yet still regardless of what we accomplish or achieve in this life it matters little in comparison to the type of people we are or become. Many of the most amazing, happy, and successful people are extremely unassuming, humble, and self-effacing and therefore are not well known. Yet, because of who they are, they have a profound impact on those around them and often change the world.
So how do we develop what lies within, or how do we change it or improve it? The one way and perhaps the only way is by striving to do the right thing at all times and in all places regardless of circumstance. This includes not only our actions but also our thoughts and our desires and being true to our conscious. This includes honesty, integrity, kindness, and generosity. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of times a day we may feel impressed to do the right thing but the hard part is obeying. When we do choose to obey we strengthen our character and what lies within us. And when we don’t obey, we weaken it.
So what lies within you? Is it what you want it to be? The good thing is that we and only we have the ability to impact, change, and become who we want to be. We decide what lies within us!!
I challenge each of us to remember the importance of what lies within us, to cultivate and do those things that will protect, build up, and improve always what is within us regardless of the seeming sacrifices it will require. Indeed, at times this will require us to get out of our comfort zone, to stretch ourselves and to do things that we don’t normally do but as we listen to our impressions and obey our conscious, we will strengthen what lies within us. And only by doing this can we capture and live to our full potential and fully enjoy a successful life.
The above quote is one of my favorites because it speaks to a truth that is often overlooked and undervalued. In fact I believe in a lot of ways each day in our society we are encouraged to minimize the importance of what lies within and to focus only on what is on the outside. However I believe that what matters most in this life is what lies within our hearts—our true desires, dreams and character.
Have you ever wondered how seemingly ordinary people are able to accomplish amazing things? Sometimes this has to do with what lies within—within their heart and not what they actually accomplish. There is often something in them that drives them, pushes them, and pulls them to achieve unbelievable feats that bless the lives of others.
Yet still regardless of what we accomplish or achieve in this life it matters little in comparison to the type of people we are or become. Many of the most amazing, happy, and successful people are extremely unassuming, humble, and self-effacing and therefore are not well known. Yet, because of who they are, they have a profound impact on those around them and often change the world.
So how do we develop what lies within, or how do we change it or improve it? The one way and perhaps the only way is by striving to do the right thing at all times and in all places regardless of circumstance. This includes not only our actions but also our thoughts and our desires and being true to our conscious. This includes honesty, integrity, kindness, and generosity. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of times a day we may feel impressed to do the right thing but the hard part is obeying. When we do choose to obey we strengthen our character and what lies within us. And when we don’t obey, we weaken it.
So what lies within you? Is it what you want it to be? The good thing is that we and only we have the ability to impact, change, and become who we want to be. We decide what lies within us!!
I challenge each of us to remember the importance of what lies within us, to cultivate and do those things that will protect, build up, and improve always what is within us regardless of the seeming sacrifices it will require. Indeed, at times this will require us to get out of our comfort zone, to stretch ourselves and to do things that we don’t normally do but as we listen to our impressions and obey our conscious, we will strengthen what lies within us. And only by doing this can we capture and live to our full potential and fully enjoy a successful life.
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