“Self-deception is common and damaging, it kills leadership and causes a multitude of people problems. Self-deception actually determines one’s experience in every aspect of life.” Arbinger Institute (from Leadership and Self-Deception)
I know it is a tough pill to swallow sometimes but our greatest obstacle in life is ourselves. No matter how hard we try, or how much we blame other things for our failings, our greatest enemy is always me, myself.
The reason for this is each us has certain paradigms or beliefs that are less than true. In essence, we live in our own reality we create. We form this reality based on our experiences and what we have learned in life and on our beliefs. This reality guides our decision making and can keep us from doing what is best to help our own success. Ultimately, our actions and decisions we make determine our results in life. It is that simple. No one else has put us where we are today except ourselves.
This “false reality” can also be called self-deception. When we blame other people, circumstances or things outside of ourselves for our short-comings, we are in essence deceiving ourselves. We tell our self “stories” of why we did not succeed for many different reasons, for example to “save face” rather than looking at what really went wrong. This self-betrayal hinders our progress and keeps us from addressing our true problem which is our self. And this is the main problem with self-deception—we don’t even see that we are the problem.
When we don’t see that we are the problem we spend a life time betraying ourselves. We constantly look for others to blame and make excuses for poor results. We can never seem to overcome our true obstacle—me!
Once we understand and accept the fact that we are own greatest enemy, we can begin to change. This takes humility. Hope comes with this knowledge as well as clarity and self-assurance. When we take full ownership over our results in life and truly acknowledge that we are our own worst enemy, we can begin to progress and see results that are much better than days past.
The fact that we are our own greatest enemy may seem depressing but because of this, we are also our own greatest solution. No one can change us but ourselves and we have the power and capacity to be better and to change. Just as we are our own greatest stumbling block we also can become our own greatest boon. As we strive to be better, accept our short-comings, and avoid self-betrayal, we will be able to find success in spite of or because of our greatest enemy.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
6 Simple Tips to Come Out Victorious
“Every test in life makes us bitter or better, every problem can make us or break us. The choice is always ours whether we become victims or victorious.”
Unknown
Life is interesting in so many ways. One way is how we react to difficulties or problems. Some problems that I may handle well, others do not and vice versa. Different trials in life impact each of us in different ways. Those who are successful in life however find a way to make all problems work for them regardless of circumstances. Below are a few ideas on how to make this happen.
#1 Learn from them
Though problems are never fun, we can often learn from them and become better people because of them. In fact, I believe this the very reason why we have difficulties in life—to help us learn and grow. Those who are able to accept this fact and cope well with the knowledge that life is unpredictable and presents challenges to all of us, will be more likely and able to learn from their difficulties and problems. I honestly believe that each problem can make us better in some way if we look for it and work at it.
#2 Think Positive
Many people overcome problems because they are able to think positively. Getting down or feeling disappointment is natural and it happens to us all however staying down and allowing disappointment to control us or ruin us is a choice. Though problems are difficult, having a positive outlook on life and our ability to deal with hard things will help us tremendously in conquering life’s challenges.
#3 Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Tip number three could also be titled just laugh. Life is hard. It throws unexpected curveballs at us all the time. Thus learning to laugh and not take things too seriously can greatly reduce our stress and anxiety in life. Remember that much of what we stress about is self-inflicted. I realize that different things are important to different people but remembering what is truly most important will help us deal with challenges. Also, it is important to remember that things are just that, they are things and many can be replaced, fixed, cleaned, etc. So don’t stress out when you don’t need too.
#4 Look at Others
No matter how bad life gets, there is always someone else who has it worse. When you are feeling down or like all of life is against you, look up, and see what others are facing. If you don’t see anyone around you who has it worse than you, then go visit a hospital or children’s cancer center, or an addiction recovery center or a jail or any place you can think of where people may not have it as good as you. Many times our problems become minimal or melt away when comparing them to the difficulties others are facing.
#5 Be Grateful
We must learn to be grateful for what we do have and avoid dwelling on what we do not. There are often so many things for us to be thankful for even in the midst of our darkest hours. If we can find that silver lining no matter our circumstances, we will be much more likely to deal well with our issues.
#6 Help
Finally, there are always others who need our help. When we help others with their problems, ours often go away. I’m not sure how it works but I have learned that this is a magic formula in life in dealing with and overcoming our own difficulties. When we help others, life just gets better.
Those who overcome the unavoidable problems and trials in life are usually those who learn from them, think positive, don’t take things too seriously, look at others, are grateful and help others. By doing these things, no matter how hard life gets, will allow us come out victorious.
Unknown
Life is interesting in so many ways. One way is how we react to difficulties or problems. Some problems that I may handle well, others do not and vice versa. Different trials in life impact each of us in different ways. Those who are successful in life however find a way to make all problems work for them regardless of circumstances. Below are a few ideas on how to make this happen.
#1 Learn from them
Though problems are never fun, we can often learn from them and become better people because of them. In fact, I believe this the very reason why we have difficulties in life—to help us learn and grow. Those who are able to accept this fact and cope well with the knowledge that life is unpredictable and presents challenges to all of us, will be more likely and able to learn from their difficulties and problems. I honestly believe that each problem can make us better in some way if we look for it and work at it.
#2 Think Positive
Many people overcome problems because they are able to think positively. Getting down or feeling disappointment is natural and it happens to us all however staying down and allowing disappointment to control us or ruin us is a choice. Though problems are difficult, having a positive outlook on life and our ability to deal with hard things will help us tremendously in conquering life’s challenges.
#3 Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Tip number three could also be titled just laugh. Life is hard. It throws unexpected curveballs at us all the time. Thus learning to laugh and not take things too seriously can greatly reduce our stress and anxiety in life. Remember that much of what we stress about is self-inflicted. I realize that different things are important to different people but remembering what is truly most important will help us deal with challenges. Also, it is important to remember that things are just that, they are things and many can be replaced, fixed, cleaned, etc. So don’t stress out when you don’t need too.
#4 Look at Others
No matter how bad life gets, there is always someone else who has it worse. When you are feeling down or like all of life is against you, look up, and see what others are facing. If you don’t see anyone around you who has it worse than you, then go visit a hospital or children’s cancer center, or an addiction recovery center or a jail or any place you can think of where people may not have it as good as you. Many times our problems become minimal or melt away when comparing them to the difficulties others are facing.
#5 Be Grateful
We must learn to be grateful for what we do have and avoid dwelling on what we do not. There are often so many things for us to be thankful for even in the midst of our darkest hours. If we can find that silver lining no matter our circumstances, we will be much more likely to deal well with our issues.
#6 Help
Finally, there are always others who need our help. When we help others with their problems, ours often go away. I’m not sure how it works but I have learned that this is a magic formula in life in dealing with and overcoming our own difficulties. When we help others, life just gets better.
Those who overcome the unavoidable problems and trials in life are usually those who learn from them, think positive, don’t take things too seriously, look at others, are grateful and help others. By doing these things, no matter how hard life gets, will allow us come out victorious.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Crucial Conversations
For many years I’ve wanted to read “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler but for one reason or another, I have always put it off. Well, I’ve finally read it and I am glad I did. The book is a great read and provides many strategies to improving our communication skills.
First, a crucial conversation according to the authors is defined as a conversation “where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.” Thus, most of us are involved in these conversations daily. And learning how to best navigate these crucial conversation can greatly enhance our relationships and success in life.
According to the book, one of the most important elements to a crucial conversation is safety. All parties most feel safe. The book offers many strategies on how to create safety for all parties. Without safety, it is common for most people to revert to silence or violence. They either clam up and stop contributing to the conversation or they begin to attack others. Both of these end up killing dialogue thus the important conversation. For this reason, protecting and maintaining safety for all parties is one of the most critical aspects to having an effective and crucial conversation.
An additional important element to having a successful crucial conversation is what the authors refer to as a “shared pool” of meaning. What this means is that in order to arrive to the best resolution, every person involved must add to the pool of meaning or share their true opinions and thoughts. Without this shared pool, it is impossible for everyone to feel good about the conversation and want to contribute to the resolution. Likewise, without it, the best solution will probably never be made. Thus, again creating safety and encouraging all to share their true opinions is important to successful conversations.
Another important point is to be a successful communicator the authors remind us that we must keep our emotions in check. This is much easier said than done because often the more important the conversation is to us, the more we allow our emotions to run wild. Again, the authors offer suggestions on how to master emotions and keep them from destroying our conversations with others. In the end, the authors remind us that no one makes us mad, or sad, or upset, other than ourselves. We create our emotions and therefore we have complete control over them.
Finally, being skillful communicators takes practice and this book offers many tips to help us to be better and practice so that we one day can be skilled communicators.
Crucial Conversations is a book that can’t wait to be read because of the great advice and the importance of conversations in our lives. I’d highly recommend this book to all who are interested in communicating with others more effectively. Applying even a small handful of the many ideas found in this book into your conversations will greatly enhance our ability to be successful leaders and successful in life.
First, a crucial conversation according to the authors is defined as a conversation “where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.” Thus, most of us are involved in these conversations daily. And learning how to best navigate these crucial conversation can greatly enhance our relationships and success in life.
According to the book, one of the most important elements to a crucial conversation is safety. All parties most feel safe. The book offers many strategies on how to create safety for all parties. Without safety, it is common for most people to revert to silence or violence. They either clam up and stop contributing to the conversation or they begin to attack others. Both of these end up killing dialogue thus the important conversation. For this reason, protecting and maintaining safety for all parties is one of the most critical aspects to having an effective and crucial conversation.
An additional important element to having a successful crucial conversation is what the authors refer to as a “shared pool” of meaning. What this means is that in order to arrive to the best resolution, every person involved must add to the pool of meaning or share their true opinions and thoughts. Without this shared pool, it is impossible for everyone to feel good about the conversation and want to contribute to the resolution. Likewise, without it, the best solution will probably never be made. Thus, again creating safety and encouraging all to share their true opinions is important to successful conversations.
Another important point is to be a successful communicator the authors remind us that we must keep our emotions in check. This is much easier said than done because often the more important the conversation is to us, the more we allow our emotions to run wild. Again, the authors offer suggestions on how to master emotions and keep them from destroying our conversations with others. In the end, the authors remind us that no one makes us mad, or sad, or upset, other than ourselves. We create our emotions and therefore we have complete control over them.
Finally, being skillful communicators takes practice and this book offers many tips to help us to be better and practice so that we one day can be skilled communicators.
Crucial Conversations is a book that can’t wait to be read because of the great advice and the importance of conversations in our lives. I’d highly recommend this book to all who are interested in communicating with others more effectively. Applying even a small handful of the many ideas found in this book into your conversations will greatly enhance our ability to be successful leaders and successful in life.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Secrets to a Successful Life
Today I thought I’d share a few simple secrets about living a happy and successful life.
#1
All the worrying and stress in the world has never fixed anything. Therefore, worrying and stressing is a complete waste of time. How has worrying about something ever resolved a problem or made one go away? It never has. Therefore, we must not waste our energy and time on worrying and stressing because it produces no good. Don’t let worry ruin your life. Many people have lived with it and many have lived without it. Choose to be one that lives without it for worry is completely self-imposed. So get rid of it! Doing so will greatly enhance your life.
#2
There is no reason not to strive for excellence in everything we do. I’m reminded of a story about a young man who was asked to take out the trash. Like most of us, the young man tried to put forth the least amount of effort possible to satisfy his mom’s request. He quickly took out the biggest trash can in the house—the kitchen trash. His mother noticed what he had done and asked why he hadn’t taken out the trash in the bedroom. So he ran and took out the trash in the bedroom and then went back to his business. Then his mother asked why he hadn’t taken out the trash in the bathroom. This cycle continued until all of the trash was finally out. By the end, the mother sat her son down and told him that most people in life try to do the bare minimum to get by, (much like he had done with taking out the trash), but by so doing they are never happy. Instead, she encouraged him to always give 100% and do his very best even in simple things such as taking out the trash. She promised him that doing so would make him happy. Thus, we all should follow the mother’s advice to her son and strive for excellence in all that we do. Not only because we can but also because it will lead to an abundant life.
#3
We are all just people, therefore there is little reason to ever believe that someone else is much different than you. With this in mind, feelings of inferiority, jealously, anger, and spite are a waste of time. Likewise, making others feel inferior or less than you is also always only bad. We should realize we are all just people and for the most part we all have the same fears, wants, desires, etc. Treating people poorly or even feeling poorly by how we are treated is completely unnecessary and will only bring us down. Treat everyone the same, being kind to all, and realize we are all just people will help us live a happy life.
#4
Finally, a positive attitude is worth more than all the money in the world. Show me a person with an always positive attitude and I will show you someone who is rich indeed. We have complete control of our attitudes. For this reason, we can never blame anyone else if we have a poor one. In fact, don’t give others the satisfaction of controlling your attitude. Only you determine how you act and feel. A positive attitude regardless of circumstances will richly bless your life.
Though much easier said than done, if we can implement these “secrets of success” in our life, we will have much more fulfilling and abundant lives.
#1
All the worrying and stress in the world has never fixed anything. Therefore, worrying and stressing is a complete waste of time. How has worrying about something ever resolved a problem or made one go away? It never has. Therefore, we must not waste our energy and time on worrying and stressing because it produces no good. Don’t let worry ruin your life. Many people have lived with it and many have lived without it. Choose to be one that lives without it for worry is completely self-imposed. So get rid of it! Doing so will greatly enhance your life.
#2
There is no reason not to strive for excellence in everything we do. I’m reminded of a story about a young man who was asked to take out the trash. Like most of us, the young man tried to put forth the least amount of effort possible to satisfy his mom’s request. He quickly took out the biggest trash can in the house—the kitchen trash. His mother noticed what he had done and asked why he hadn’t taken out the trash in the bedroom. So he ran and took out the trash in the bedroom and then went back to his business. Then his mother asked why he hadn’t taken out the trash in the bathroom. This cycle continued until all of the trash was finally out. By the end, the mother sat her son down and told him that most people in life try to do the bare minimum to get by, (much like he had done with taking out the trash), but by so doing they are never happy. Instead, she encouraged him to always give 100% and do his very best even in simple things such as taking out the trash. She promised him that doing so would make him happy. Thus, we all should follow the mother’s advice to her son and strive for excellence in all that we do. Not only because we can but also because it will lead to an abundant life.
#3
We are all just people, therefore there is little reason to ever believe that someone else is much different than you. With this in mind, feelings of inferiority, jealously, anger, and spite are a waste of time. Likewise, making others feel inferior or less than you is also always only bad. We should realize we are all just people and for the most part we all have the same fears, wants, desires, etc. Treating people poorly or even feeling poorly by how we are treated is completely unnecessary and will only bring us down. Treat everyone the same, being kind to all, and realize we are all just people will help us live a happy life.
#4
Finally, a positive attitude is worth more than all the money in the world. Show me a person with an always positive attitude and I will show you someone who is rich indeed. We have complete control of our attitudes. For this reason, we can never blame anyone else if we have a poor one. In fact, don’t give others the satisfaction of controlling your attitude. Only you determine how you act and feel. A positive attitude regardless of circumstances will richly bless your life.
Though much easier said than done, if we can implement these “secrets of success” in our life, we will have much more fulfilling and abundant lives.
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