Crucial Conversations

For many years I’ve wanted to read “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler but for one reason or another, I have always put it off. Well, I’ve finally read it and I am glad I did. The book is a great read and provides many strategies to improving our communication skills.

First, a crucial conversation according to the authors is defined as a conversation “where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.” Thus, most of us are involved in these conversations daily. And learning how to best navigate these crucial conversation can greatly enhance our relationships and success in life.

According to the book, one of the most important elements to a crucial conversation is safety. All parties most feel safe. The book offers many strategies on how to create safety for all parties. Without safety, it is common for most people to revert to silence or violence. They either clam up and stop contributing to the conversation or they begin to attack others. Both of these end up killing dialogue thus the important conversation. For this reason, protecting and maintaining safety for all parties is one of the most critical aspects to having an effective and crucial conversation.

An additional important element to having a successful crucial conversation is what the authors refer to as a “shared pool” of meaning. What this means is that in order to arrive to the best resolution, every person involved must add to the pool of meaning or share their true opinions and thoughts. Without this shared pool, it is impossible for everyone to feel good about the conversation and want to contribute to the resolution. Likewise, without it, the best solution will probably never be made. Thus, again creating safety and encouraging all to share their true opinions is important to successful conversations.

Another important point is to be a successful communicator the authors remind us that we must keep our emotions in check. This is much easier said than done because often the more important the conversation is to us, the more we allow our emotions to run wild. Again, the authors offer suggestions on how to master emotions and keep them from destroying our conversations with others. In the end, the authors remind us that no one makes us mad, or sad, or upset, other than ourselves. We create our emotions and therefore we have complete control over them.
Finally, being skillful communicators takes practice and this book offers many tips to help us to be better and practice so that we one day can be skilled communicators.

Crucial Conversations is a book that can’t wait to be read because of the great advice and the importance of conversations in our lives. I’d highly recommend this book to all who are interested in communicating with others more effectively. Applying even a small handful of the many ideas found in this book into your conversations will greatly enhance our ability to be successful leaders and successful in life.