2 Strategizes that WORK for Achieving New Year Resolutions

It’s that time of year again when the most wonderful time of the year seems to turn in to the most discouraging time of the year.  That’s right, it is the time when many of us will make New Year Resolutions but more of us won’t because of our lack of success and frustration in accomplishing them in prior years.  This year I have some advice that I believe will work for all of us and help us extend that most wonderful time of the year in to the New Year.  So start getting yourself prepared to write down and accomplish some New Year resolutions in 2014! 

In speaking with a few people over the past year who have really struggled to stick with and achieve New Year’s resolutions I’ve learned some strategizes that work for even the most frustrated, cynical, and discouraged among us.  I strongly believe that following at least one of these two strategizes will help us all be successful this year. 

#1  One at a Time

One reason why I believe many of us get so frustrated with New Year’s resolutions is because we try and accomplish too many all at once.  Changing and forming habits is hard—even just one of them!  So if we try to simultaneously change many habits it can be overwhelming and nearly impossible.  So that is tip number one, just start with one.  Pick one New Year’s resolution we’d like to accomplish and focus on it, work on it, and don’t get discouraged.  If we forget for a day or two, or struggle in January, or try but do not see the progress we want to see right away, don’t get discouraged.  We have the time to get it right, and accomplish one.  Accomplishing and focusing our efforts on just one resolution for the year can help us be a huge success because one is so much better than none.   

For those of us who see success after a month a two on our one resolution, we can choose to add another.  For example, if our one resolution is to not eat sweets and we’ve been pretty successful for all of January, we could then add a second resolution and see if we can’t begin to work on both.  If we continue successful with both we can then add another after another successful month or two.  This incremental increase to resolutions is a great way to establish new habits, and be successful.  My only caution is don’t step ahead too soon.  Allow yourself to be successful for at least a few weeks with one resolution before adding another one.  I’ve learned that this strategy has worked very well for many now successful “New Year resolution accomplishers.” 

#2  A Day at a Time

The second tip is to breakdown our resolutions in to smaller time frames and reward ourselves when we have a good day or week.  Too often we view our resolutions in an “entire year” time frame and give up once we notice at the end of January that we’ve barely begun.  Instead, we need to measure our success in smaller chunks.  I recommend weekly or perhaps even daily.  If we can check ourselves at the end of each week or each day and evaluate how we’ve done, it will help us to accomplish our goals.  When we shorten our time frame we can also allow ourselves to have a bad day or two or week or two because we have a chance to refocus and be successful for a day or two or week or two.  And when we do have a good day or two or week or two, we need to reward ourselves. 

So for example, let’s says we want to exercise each day for 30 minutes.  Using this strategy we might say my goal this week is to exercise for 30 minutes 5 out of 7 days, that’s all.  Viewing our goal this way seems so much more manageable than, I want to exercise 30 minutes every day for this entire year.  For someone who is not currently exercising very often, this entire year time frame will seem like an impossible task.  But committing ourselves to do it just for one week or even one day seems so much more manageable and doable.  Then if we do exercise for the 5 out of 7 days we need to reward ourselves.  As we take our resolutions week by week or even day by day (My goal is to exercise 30 minutes just this one day), we can begin to see how our resolutions can be accomplished.  Taking our resolutions a day or a week at a time will help us avoid discouragement and despair and help us achieve our goals. 

I feel strongly that using at least one if not both of these strategies will help us achieve our resolutions this year and make us better people.  Let’s have a great year by accomplishing at least one resolution, in smaller time frames.  I know we can!   Happy New Year!!!         

Help Others Mentality

“Successful people are always asking, ‘how can I help others?’  Unsuccessful people are always asking, ‘what is in it for me?”  Brian Tracy

Based on the quote above, are you a successful or unsuccessful person?  When we shift our focus from ourselves to others, we gain power and strength in our abilities to be successful in life.  I’ve experienced this in my own life.

During the Holidays, this feeling of focus on self or on others can intensify.  Thankfully, I believe many of us turn our attention to others and for this reason, we love the Holidays!  If we can learn to help others first, no matter what time of year it is, we will find greater happiness and satisfaction in our life and we will more fully reach our true potential.

So what are we doing that shows we have a “how can I help others” mentality?  Do our actions prove this?  One of the most successful, liked, and well respected people that I work with has this attitude.  She is always sincerely worried about others and is constantly helping others.  In fact, I’m amazed by her mentality and wish I was more like her.  To my surprise, she seems to always be able to achieve more and get more done than others even though it appears as if she rarely has time to do her own assignments because of her great example in always helping others.  At one time she became ill however our company did everything we could to keep her around and accommodate her needs because of what she means to us and the value she adds to our organization.  I know she is successful because of her “helping others” mentality.

Becoming the type of person who is always asking ‘how can I help others’ will make us powerful leaders.  This Holiday Season and throughout the year let’s try and develop our “help others” mind set.  If we truly seek to do this, we will be happy and successful in 2014.       

Tough Decisions: Making the RIGHT choice

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make big choices in life.  Because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, just fall away in the face of death leaving only what is truly important…There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Steve Jobs

We are all faced with decision every day and many of these decision will have a tremendous impact on our future.  Some decisions we face are big and the consequences of them can last a lifetime.  For this reason, I love Steve Jobs’ quote above and have found that when I act as if I will soon be dead, the right way to go becomes more clear.  

The truth is recently I’ve been faced with a very important decision that will most certainly determine my course in life over the next few years at the very least and will probably impact my entire course in life.  As you can imagine, I’ve had a very difficult time deciding which way to go.  I’ve swayed back and forth, listed the pros and cons of both choices, have experimented with both options, and have thought and thought and thought it over and over again in my head, and have lost many hours of sleep over it.  I finally decided I must act as if I’ll be soon be dead and this thought changed my perspective and helped me make what I believe to be the right choice. 

Now from an outside perspective, my choice may seem foolish or dumb to many.  But focusing on the most important things in our life and what we truly want most helps us make choices based on wisdom and appropriate risks rather than ego, greed, fear, or other emotions.

The same can happen for you.  Life is too short not to follow our hearts and do what we truly want to do.  Hopefully, each of us knows what we want most in life, those two or three things that are at the very top of our list of importance in life and then we should do what it takes to have them.  We can’t expect to live forever after all.  Making decisions as if we were about to die helps us see more clearly and eliminates pride, fear, and embarrassment as Jobs’ offers in his quote above. 

So when facing difficult decisions, change your view and know that you will be dead soon.  With that in mind, make a wise choice.  As Jobs’ stated, “There is no reason [for us] not to follow [our] hearts!”     

Changing Perspective

“The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.”
Dr. Robert Holden

Did you know we have the ability to change our world today?  We can almost instantly change everything around us.  It is true, and it is incredible.   Let me tell you how this is done. 

Our world changes when we look at it from a different perspective, a different view.  That’s it.  The truth is for the most part, we create the world we are living in.  If it is dark, lonely, cruel, and dangerous than that is what we are choosing to see.  If it is bright, fun, cheery, and wonderful than that is what we have chosen to see.  So much of life is about our perspective and what we ourselves choose to see and believe. 

Have you ever wondered why some people are miserable while others are joyful?  And then the mystery grows when you find out the miserable person has just about everything anyone could ever ask for in this life and the joyful person has very little and is dealing with tremendous hardships in life.  Why is this?  How is this possible?  It is because of perspective.  Again, our life is so much about the perspective we choose.    

So changing our perspective can be challenging but it is possible.  One way to do it is by expressing gratitude.  Gratitude tends to shift what we see and focus on in life.  Gratitude helps us put things in to perspective. 

So what world are we living in and if it is not the world we want, why not?  We have the power to create the world we want by simply looking at things through “new eyes”.  Life is all about our personal perspective we choose to take.  May our perspective be extra bright and cheery, especially during this time of year!     

The Abundance of Gratitude

“Consciously give thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life.  The more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.”

Sarah Ban Breathnack

Gratitude can be a powerful force in our life if we allow it to be.  Those who are grateful receive extra strength to endure, find peace, and enjoy abundance in their life.  Unfortunately, too many of us are too spoiled to give thanks and we fail to slow down and see all the good that exists in our lives.  Being ungrateful or simply lacking gratitude is a human tragedy because of how it robs each of us of the satisfaction and happiness we could otherwise enjoy. 

Sincere gratitude is a powerful force that doesn’t hurt, cost money, or require great sacrifice.  It doesn’t matter who you are, where you are from, what you are doing, or whether you deserve it or not.  The power of gratitude is always available to all of us, all of the time.  And why we all don’t take full advantage of it is hard for me to comprehend however I know I am probably guiltier than most at failing to be grateful! 

If we can learn to live with an attitude of gratitude always, abundance will increase in our life, we will be happier, and we will have a greater chance to reach our full potential and bless the lives of others.  I believe when we abundantly give thanks, we are abundantly blessed. 

I hope each of us has a wonderful, and most especially a highly grateful Thanksgiving Day!  And let us be grateful always...        

Underestimators

I must confess, I am an understimator.  Nearly every day I underestimate the impact of everything I do, say, hear, and see.  I walk around believing very few things have much of a lasting effect on me but I know better.  Today is my confessional.  I am wrong and I confess that I am an understimator.  To be honest, you probably are too. 

Instead of underestimating, we must accept the fact that we are influenced by everything.  Whether we believe it or not, we are, it’s true.  The thoughts we have, the words we say, the people we hang out with, the things we are involved in, the media and entertainment we choose to listen to and participate in all impact our life.  It is impossible for it not to.  Being underestimators can be dangerous and can have a negative impact on our life.  Though extremely difficult, we must do our best to overcome this innate flaw.  

Now it’s true that some of these things may more heavily influence us than others but that doesn’t change the fact that everything has some sort of impact.  I’ve heard many times the famous words “if I do it just once it won’t hurt” or “occasionally participating in this is not a big deal” or “it is ok for me to be around these type of people because I will never become like them.” The truth is, it just might hurt and it can very well be a big deal, and most likely you will become much more like them than you may want to admit.  It is hard to decipher or measure just how much things impact us but I can tell you they do.  We are impacted by everything around us—it shapes us, changes us, and effects who we are as a person.  This is the bottom line and there is no reason to deny it anymore. 

So what do we do?  Though we are not in complete control of everything around us, we do control a lot.  And of those things we do control, we need to always make sure it is things that will uplift us and help us to be better people. 

I have to confess something else.  I’m also an overestimator and you may be too.  I overestimate my personal strength and ability to overcome and withstand being negatively influenced by things that surround me.  I allow those negative thoughts to fester about my spouse thinking “it is ok this one time, I have a right and she really ticked me off today”, only to find myself with real and strong bitter feelings toward her all created on my own.  To my dismay some inappropriate commentary that I casually listened to on my drive in to work that I knew was probably below my values is now replaying over and over again in my head disrupting my concentration on an important project. Disappointingly I find myself losing my temper with my children over silly things, something I’ve observed others do and vowed I’d never do myself. Shockingly, I hear myself use the same inappropriate and offensive language that my closes friends use whenever we get together after I had assured myself I would never go there…  Yep, it is true, I am an underestimator and an overestimator too. 

We are influenced by the world around us and what we allow ourselves to think, say, hear, see, and do has an effect on us.  It is unavoidable.  And I have yet to meet a person who is completely immune and strong enough to withstand completely the negativity that surrounds us.  It is true, we will never be able to always avoid “bad influences”, it is simply part of living but being vigilant and putting ourselves in the best possible places to succeed will really help us.  We do control a lot—how and where we spend our time, who we associate with, what we say, think, and do. Rather than underestimating the impact of things around us and overestimating our personal strength to withstand, we should try to do the reverse.  If we can exaggerate the impact the negative in our lives will have on us, and underestimate our personal will to overcome, we will put ourselves in a better place to reach our potential.  This is not easy to do, but I know the best of us can do it.      

2 Simple Things to Make Us Happier in Life

There are many ways to be happier in life.  Most boil down to simple things that can have a profound positive impact in our life.  One such strategy I heard the other day is to simply retell the stories of our positive moments in life as well as our stories of our ability to bounce back from difficult ones.  This act alone can help us succeed the duration of our lifetime.  

Reflecting on the positive and telling stories of our positive moments will do two things for us.   First, when we talk about the positive, we automatically feel more positive the moment we are speaking about it.  It is nearly impossible to retell a positive story and somehow feel negative about life at that same moment.  Therefore reflecting on the positive will make us almost automatically more positive.  Second, when we reflect on the positive, I believe we attract more positive things in to our life.  Often simply retelling positive stories will help us look for them and we will become more aware that they are all around us.  

Retelling stories of our ability to bounce back from difficult times will do a few things for us as well.  First, it will give us the courage and confidence we need to move forward in life as we are reminded that we can overcome hard things.  When life throws us a curve ball, we will know we can successfully handle it because we have in the past.  Second, it will help others who are facing challenges or difficulties know they can conquer them too.  When we tell stories about the difficult things we’ve bounced back from, it gives all who hear it hope.  

These two simple acts, retelling the stories of our positive moments in life and retelling the stories of how we have bounced back from difficult ones will provide balance and sustain us and help us thrive for in life.  This is a simply strategy that can help pave a pathway to success and increased happiness in life.  Stories are powerful reminders in our lives.  We all love good stories and we are all shaped by them.  I encourage all of us to be story tellers, if not for our own benefit, than at least for the benefit of those around us.       

Fear and Self-Absorption

“If we have fear, we are too focused on ourselves”

On this spooky Halloween day I thought it only appropriate to write about fear.  Hopefully all of us will experience some “good” fear today that causes our blood to flow, our juices to run, and our adrenaline to kick in just a little giving us an added boost to be our best today. 

Unfortunatley, much of the fear we possess in our lives is negative.  In fact, fear can become or has become completely crippling for many people.  We become stuck in the fear rut.  Sadly, most of us view fear as something that happens to us rather than something that we can control.  I believe in many instances, fear is self-induced and is completely under our control.   

Fear is often a result of our own narcissistic nature.  When we fear, we often are too focused on ourselves.  We worry about our own self-image or well-being. And in many regards, we consciously or subconsciously hold on to fear and use it as an acceptable excuse of why we don’t do what we know we should do, behave the way we know we ought to behave, or make changes we know we must make.  Instead of doing what we can, could, and should do, we use fear as a nice security blanket that ends up gradually suffocating us throughout life. 

So to combat fear we need to stop being so self-absorbed, so selfish!   I’ve learned it is very difficult to hang on to fear when I am focused on the well-being of others.  There is something that happens to our fear when our care and concern for ourselves is swallowed up by our care and concern for others.  Rather than fearing what will happen to us, we need to think about others.  When we shift our focus, our fear will wash away…almost magically.    

So this Halloween, let us eliminate fear from our lives by focusing on others.  When we do feel fear, let’s analyze it, be honest about it, and then change our focus.  In a lot of ways we truly do have “nothing more to fear than fear itself” because fear keeps us from reaching our potential and experiencing joy in life.  Don’t let fear get in the way of becoming the best you! 

Happy and Safe Halloween to all!                 

Burntham Rewind: Success in Spite of our Greatest Enemy

Originally posted 3/29/12

“Self-deception is common and damaging, it kills leadership and causes a multitude of people problems. Self-deception actually determines one’s experience in every aspect of life.” Arbinger Institute (from Leadership and Self-Deception)

I know it is a tough pill to swallow sometimes but our greatest obstacle in life is ourselves. No matter how hard we try, or how much we blame other things for our failings, our greatest enemy is always me, myself.

The reason for this is each us has certain paradigms or beliefs that are less than true. In essence, we live in our own reality we create. We form this reality based on our experiences and what we have learned in life and on our beliefs. This reality guides our decision making and can keep us from doing what is best to help our own success. Ultimately, our actions and decisions we make determine our results in life. It is that simple. No one else has put us where we are today except ourselves.

This “false reality” can also be called self-deception. When we blame other people, circumstances or things outside of ourselves for our short-comings, we are in essence deceiving ourselves. We tell our self “stories” of why we did not succeed for many different reasons, for example to “save face” rather than looking at what really went wrong. This self-betrayal hinders our progress and keeps us from addressing our true problem which is our self. And this is the main problem with self-deception—we don’t even see that we are the problem.

When we don’t see that we are the problem we spend a life time betraying ourselves. We constantly look for others to blame and make excuses for poor results. We can never seem to overcome our true obstacle—me!

Once we understand and accept the fact that we are own greatest enemy, we can begin to change. This takes humility. Hope comes with this knowledge as well as clarity and self-assurance. When we take full ownership over our results in life and truly acknowledge that we are our own worst enemy, we can begin to progress and see results that are much better than days past.

The fact that we are our own greatest enemy may seem depressing but because of this, we are also our own greatest solution. No one can change us but ourselves and we have the power and capacity to be better and to change. Just as we are our own greatest stumbling block we also can become our own greatest boon. As we strive to be better, accept our short-comings, and avoid self-betrayal, we will be able to find success in spite of or because of our greatest enemy.

Identifying Vision

“Complaining is nothing more than an absence of vision”

There was a family that had two strong, intelligent, well-mannered, and well liked boys.  The family was wealthy and well respected in their village.  They owned a very nice home and had many beautiful possessions.  One night, while the family lay asleep, there was a big explosion and the house burst in to flames.  After much confusion and chaos, all of the family members were able to escape safely without harm however their home and all of their precious possessions were destroyed.   Without a home, the family was resigned to living in a tent.  After the terrible accident, one boy in this family immediately gave thanks to the heavens that he was still alive and while living in his tent he became forever grateful for each new day he had to live.  The other boy grumbled and complained and while living in his tent he became enraged and bitter.  The two boys circumstances were exactly the same yet their reactions to their difficulty in life led them to very different places. 

There are a lot of things we can learn from this story and the two boys however there is one lesson I’d like to emphasize today that perhaps isn’t an obvious one.  The difference between these two siblings in the story is vision.  One lacked vision while the other one had it. 

When we lack vision in life, we can know and identify it pretty easily.  For example how often do you find yourself complaining and perhaps even whining about life?  I do it all of the time.  “This traffic is horrible, I can’t believe my boss expects me to do that, why do I have to eat this healthy food it is disgusting, why is it raining outside, why won’t my child won’t behave”, etc., etc.  When I do this, I’ve come to realize that I completely lack vision because I am simply dwelling on the moment rather than seeing the future.  Having vision in our life allows us to look beyond what is right in front of us and see a better world. 

So, when we complain, we lack vision.  Bad things in life will happen to us all and with blinders on, this makes life very challenging, and difficult.   Somehow, we need to take our blinders off more often and see the big picture.  We need to lift our eyes to the sky and see the whole world around us rather than only dwell on the ground beneath our feet.  Having vision in our life allows us to overcome challenges, make good decisions that will bless our life in the future rather than at this one single moment in time, and help us to be happy.  Having vision will raise us up and help us reach our potential. 

A good example to illustrate what I am trying to share is the child who complains about doing school work.  Rather than seeing what a good education can provide for him in his life, the child just focuses on the here and now and doesn’t concern himself with his future.  If the child would raise his head and gain perspective, he would see that doing his school work now would bless his life tremendously in the future. 

Too many of us are like the child with school work.  We fail to see beyond right now and we lack the vision we need to be wise and find success in life.  We need not be like the child, we can take the blinders off and see what lays ahead for us.  We can gain vision for our life which will enable us to avoid complaining about our current circumstances as we will see that they do not define our future. 

Let’s not show others that we are people that completely lack vision by complaining all of the time. Let’s be like the first boy in the story and see our blessings rather than our difficulties and live with vision.  When we do, when we can see beyond this one moment in time, I promise we will be much more successful and happy in life. 

Burntham Rewind: Cut the Rope!

Originally posted on 6/23/11

"Our choices have the undeniable power of transforming our lives.”
Jose Teixeira

Imagine you are in a sail boat on a beautifully sunny and windy day. You pull away from shore with your sails open and the wind is blowing hard in the perfect direction. You set sail and begin cruising along very swiftly. The wind is blowing in your hair, the salty air is kissing your lips and skin, and the cool breeze keeps you at a perfect temperature on an otherwise warm sunny day. The thrill of the ride is exhilarating and relaxing. As you pull further and further away from shore you suddenly realize there is a large rope that is tied to the boat and on the other end is a giant anchor. You realize that soon the rope will become taut and you will be unable to go any further. Held back by the anchor you notice your ride will soon end and you will be unable to fully enjoy the open water and the blissful ride unless you cut the rope.

Often in our lives we are like the sailboat. We are full of potential and can do, be, and accomplish so much yet we have a rope that holds us back. For each of us our rope may be different. For some of us it may be a lack of confidence or fear, or maybe laziness, or other bad habits. Regardless of what it may be this rope limits our progress and our ability to fully enjoy the ride.

As leaders and as people we must cut the ropes that hold us back. We can’t afford to be held in place by them. We must overcome our lack of confidence, or our laziness, or fear, or whatever bad habit that may be inhibiting us from fully enjoying the open water and taking full advantage of the good winds and beautiful day. If we decide not to cut the rope, we will one day look back on our ride and realize we missed out, that we could have experienced so much more, and that the rides potential was wasted.

What are the ropes in our lives that are not allowing us to reach our potential and enjoy all life has in store for us?! We can’t hesitate, we must do it now! We must cut the rope!

Our Self-Sabotaging Nature

Recently I was made aware of a very sad situation between family members.  These family members had a disagreement and before long, the situation had escalated to a point where one asked the other never to talk to or touch her children again.  As an outsider to the situation it broke my heart and seemed so unnecessary.  I found it hard to comprehend the logic of such actions and observed the undue heartache and stress it was causing all involved.  What had started out as a disagreement grew to a serious family feud between these two families. 

As we review history, we can see other instances where even great wars were started with relatively small disagreements.  As humans, we often allow our emotions to get the best of us in difficult situations and then our pride, selfishness, and jealousy kick in and before we know it, what was a small issue is now a big disaster.

Viewing these situations and observing human nature, I firmly believe that the majority of the stress and heartache in our lives is self-induced.  And why we do this to ourselves is beyond my comprehension or expertise but even the best among us do it.  I’ve come to the conclusion that to cause self-misery or “sabotage ourselves” is to be human.  Some of us are better at recognizing and accepting this than others.  And I believe this is the first step to minimizing our self-destructive behavior.  When we are hurt, or stressed out, or entrenched in a disagreement, we need to recognize the part we play in it and take ownership for it.  We then need to try and reconcile our actions that brought us to this point and move on with a determination to do better. 

I believe so much of the hurt in the world is so avoidable.  Being aware of our self-sabotaging nature, taking ownership for it, and then trying to overcome it as often as possible will go a long way in our quest to reach our full potential and will bring greater success and happiness in life.  Let’s do allow we can to not cause ourselves so much needless pain.                

We are Beautiful, We are Strong

Today’s message is simple.  It is that we must constantly find ways to raise our awareness of our own inner strength and beauty.  That’s it. 

In our world we are surrounded by messages that want to bring us down.  These messages lead us to believe things about ourselves that are not true.  These misguided messages persuade too many of us to live below our standards and not become all that we can become.  This results in needless misery, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction in life.  But we don’t have to accept this!    

In order to raise our awareness of our own inner strength and beauty we can do a few things.  First, we must be mindful of our own inner voice.  This is easier said than done but when we allow ourselves to think negatively, we live below our potential.  Simply saying in our head 100 times a day I am beautiful, I am strong, I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, can have a big impact.  Second, we must make an effort to surround ourselves with good people who help us believe in our inner beauty and strength.  If we can offer positive encouragement to each other, and have good friends and associations, it will go a long way in raising our awareness about the truth of ourselves.  Finally, we must recognize and eliminate those things in our life that do tear us down.   As a population, I believe we waste too much time on superfluous things that have a negative influence on us and do nothing to build us up.    

The truth is that each of us is unique, special, and has an individual capacity to do something great every day.  I am inspired how seemingly ordinary people each day have such a profound influence for good on others.  Most of the time these individuals go unnoticed but their simple activities make a tremendous difference in others’ lives and in their own.

We are beautiful, we are strong.  This is the truth.  We must believe this, and we must own it!  Though many in the outside world would have us believe otherwise, we must know with a surety who we really are and what our true potential is.  As we do our success and satisfaction in life will grow!    

Applying Natural Law

Natural laws surround us in our world and as we learn what they are through studying and personal experience, and strive to use them to our advantage, we will become much happier and successful in life. One such natural law is the Law of Restoration.  The basic gist of this law is that which we do will be restored unto us again.  So, when we are trustworthy, we invite trust into our lives and when we are dishonest, we invite dishonesty, it is that simple.  Because of this law, it is impossible to do evil and hope for sustained good in our lives.  The universe does not operate this way. 

Restoration means to bring back again—good for good, evil for evil, mercy for mercy, justice for justice, etc.  We will be restored to that which we do.  What we send out into the universe shall return to us again.  This is a universal law. 

Another way to describe this law is we will reap what we sow.  If a farmer plants carrots, he cannot expect to have corn at harvest time.  Likewise, when we sow good seeds, we can expect to eventually receive good things.  When we are dishonest, mean spirited, rude, etc., we can eventually expect the same in return.  We cannot plant apples and expect oranges.  We will partake of the fruit of our labors. 

Too often we hope to do one thing and receive something else in return.  Believing that we can get away from this law, that we are somehow above it, shows our lack of understanding of natural or universal laws. 

Now the Law of Restoration does not happen instantaneously.  In fact, many can be dishonest for example and find success but in the long run, the Law of Restoration will always come through.  Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes months, and other times many years but the Law of Restoration will always manifest itself in our lives.  Do not be deceived into believing this law does not exist.  There are always consequences to our actions.       

The Law of Restoration is a powerful universal law that can and will help us tremendously in our life.  Because of it, we must recommit ourselves to proven principles and values including hard work, honesty, service to our fellow men, and kindness toward others for that which we do will be returned unto us again.   

The Apprenticeship of Success

Since it is Labor Day week I thought it only appropriate to speak on one of my favorite topics and that is work or labor.  My little dictionary app on my phone defines labor as “productive activity, especially for the sake of economic gain.” 

One of the tragedies of our modern era is the pursuit of “economic gain” without labor.  Much of society has become obsessed with gaining something for nothing.  This get-rich-quick attitude unfortunately deprives us of the greatest satisfaction, learning, and discipline that come from working hard to gain riches. 

When we have economic gain without labor, the sweetness of our success is lost and tragically the maturation and discipline necessary to retain the riches is never achieved.  For this reason, we find all too often people who “inherit” success literally go from riches to rags.

We can learn from this that there is a certain apprenticeship that one must go through in order to obtain lifelong riches or success.  This apprenticeship usually requires great effort and substantial sacrifice.  It requires sweat, toil, and tears.  It must be so important to us that we give up a lot in order to get it and through this process; it can never be taken away from us because we’ve learned how to be successful or rich—it literally resides within us.  When we cheat this system, this natural law, and gain or inherit riches too easily, my guess is 9.999 times out of 10, our riches won’t last. 

To truly be successful and enjoy the blessings and happiness of economic gain, we have got to earn it through “productive activity”, hard work, sacrifice, and time.  Therefore, let us take joy and pleasure in our labor, especially during this time of year as we pursue our goals and dreams.           

Fear of Conflict

One of those things that many of us avoid most in life is conflict.  For whatever reason, many of us are just wired to dread it.  We alter our behavior, change our routines, eliminate who we associate with, and take a long list of other extreme measures to avoid it.  This fear of conflict can be so severe that it can cause a loss of sleep or appetite because of the worry and stress it creates for us.  I know this because I have been there before.  I have learned however that healthy conflict often strengthens relationships and pushes us to reach our potential. Therefore, with the right approach, we must learn to confront our fear of conflict rather than run from it.

In order for conflict to go well, and for us to maximize its benefits and minimize its potential harm, I believe we must do the following.

First, we must be completely honest in expressing ourselves. This can be difficult, especially when we notice others may be becoming angry, offended, or upset.  Not getting everything out on the table though increases the chances for a poor resolution and poor results.  If we hold it in, the more likely we will hold a grudge or not feel validated.  Completely expressing ourselves, our views, opinions, feelings, etc. will lead to better resolutions and minimize the need for conflict again in the future.  Under the right circumstances, we must have the courage to share “it all” so that we can come away with the best outcome.        

Second, we must ensure we are saying things for the right reasons. Is what we are saying out of spite, or anger?  Are our words based purely on emotions or the heat of the moment?  If we notice the person we are speaking to is getting upset do we begin to get upset ourselves? Our intentions must be pure and what we are saying must be because of love or concern for the other person.  We should try to share facts about our feelings and avoid emotional responses that are not really true to the way we actually feel or believe.  Seeing the other person as a person, and trying to create a win-win situation will help our conflict go well.       

Third, we must be prepared to listen without getting offended ourselves. What the other person may say may be out of spite or anger so it is important going in to a conflicted situation that we understand this.  We should not become easily offended or angry ourselves, even if the person says things that are offensive.  Rather we should listen for what they are truly trying to express and try to understand why they may be upset.  Having an open mind and being patient while listening will do a lot of good in coming to a resolution.  There have been plenty of situations in my life where simply listening “saved the day” and quickly resolved a conflict.   

As we face our fear of conflict, we will find better success and outcomes in life. This does not mean all difficult conflicts will always end well but the net result of facing conflict will be much better than trying to avoid it for the rest of our lives.  Again, relationships become strengthened through healthy conflict and healthy conflict builds us.  Let’s approach conflict the right way and use it to our advantage.    

Resolution to Succeed

“Always bear in mind, that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing.” Abraham Lincoln 

Abraham Lincoln happened to be a pretty great leader and his quote is simple and to the point.  Nothing is more important to our personal success than our own resolution to be successful.  Lincoln demonstrated this throughout his life.  He didn’t give up, he didn’t give in, he didn’t listen to what his critics had to say.  Instead he had the personal resolve to succeed…no matter what. 

Our success in life is largely determined by our resolution to be successful.  If we refuse to give up, then we refuse not to win.  When we develop this type of attitude and conviction we will find success in life, it is inevitable.

Too often in life, I see people give up or give in too easily.  They claim they really want something in life but when the going gets tough, they move on.  It is as if they believe things will magically fall in to their lap or will simply be handed to them without work, challenges, or struggles.  Unfortunately, for the most part, the real world isn’t like this.  The real world rewards the persistent, those who have their “own resolution to succeed”, no matter what comes their way.     

I hope that we can have the resolve that Lincoln demonstrated throughout his life.  When we are determined and completely committed to success, no matter what, we will not fail.   

Impacting Others for Good

Throughout life we are presented with singular chances or moments to tremendously impact others if we would only take the right action.  During these moments, the choice often requires us to do something out of our comfort zone, take time away from what we need or would like to do, or forces us to make some kind of personal sacrifice.  Unfortunately, I think more often than not, when we are presented with these moments, we often do not choose wisely.  Perhaps this is why making the right choice has such a profound impact on others and changes their feelings toward us for good.  I call these singular opportunities Moments of Truth.  If what I am saying is unclear, let me explain through some examples.

Example #1

A stressed out supervisor sees an employee who has been working very hard on a project and seems frustrated and exhausted.  The supervisor has deadlines, responsibilities, and projects of his own that seem much more important and urgent than the “little” project his employee is working on.  At the moment he sees the frustration of his team member, the supervisor has a choice.  He can choose to put his worries and assignments aside and go help his employee or he can ignore it and move on.  This is a Moment of Truth for this supervisor.  If he chooses to go help, even though he has a mountain of work himself, he will gain a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation from his employee and will greatly increase his ability to lead him in the future.  If he chooses not to, he will probably be like 99% of the other bosses the employee has had in life.       

Example #2

A neighbor sees his friend across the street is moving some new heavy furniture in to his home and could really use some help.  The “big game” he has been anticipating and waiting for all week is starting and if offers to help his friend he may miss a lot of his game.  This is a Moment of Truth.  The neighbor can ignore his friend and assume he has a plan to get in the heavy furniture, or he can take action and go over and assist probably creating a long-lasting friendship.

Example #3

A woman is running late for a meeting but notices her child must have had a very rough day at school.  Her child knows her mom has an important meeting and doesn’t expect she would ever miss it.  The woman convinces herself that she will have plenty of time to talk to her child later.  This is a Moment of Truth.  If the woman chooses to stay, she may create a lasting memory and bond with her child, if she goes, she may miss a tremendous opportunity.

These are examples of what I call Moments of Truth in life.  Each of us is faced with them all of the time.  Sometimes they are easy to recognize but often in the busyness of life they are not.  Though it may be impossible to “cease the moment” every time, if we can do it more often than not, our success and satisfaction in life as well as our ability to influence others will greatly increase.  Start looking today for them, slow down and recognize them, and when you do, make the choice that will allow you to positively connect and influence others for good.  Do it even when it may seem like it is not the logical or most convenient choice at the time.  Those who capitalize on these moments of truth will become great leaders and great people.